


you held on tight ( and i built a home )

by melanoradrood



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, F/M, Fix-It, Kid Fic, Minor Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, Post Scarif Injuries, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, rating due to blood and surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-04-28 08:37:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 79,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14445486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/pseuds/melanoradrood
Summary: When the gusts came around to blow me downHeld on as tightly as you held onto meThey escape Scarif, only just barely, but it's not enough. The injuries are too great, and Jyn is left trying to keep them together, the Pilot without a hand, a Guardian team that is half alive, half in bacta, a Droid in a new body, and a Captain that stole her heart, and hasn't woken up since. Her own traumas are still fresh, and she struggles to function, to keep going, when it only becomes worse - there's a little girl with Cassian Andor's name, his eyes, and a tiny stuffed droid doll, and all she wants to know is when her Papa will wake, and why he had promised her that Jyn Erso would take care of her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this is tagged as a kid!Fic. It is. And yet, it's also Post-Scarif, beginning immediately after. The injuries, the situations, it's about as medically accurate as I can write after extensive research. The rating is due to the description of surgery, treatment, rehab, and then post-traumatic flashbacks. You have been warned.
> 
> If there is a section that requires warnings, it will be noted in the Beginning notes, there will be marks within the chapter itself, and there will be a TL;DR in the End notes.
> 
> War is brutal, and the reality is, if Rogue One had managed to escape Scarif, it would not be a pretty picture. This is a painting of it... with super adorable dad!Cassian added in, because sometimes I need someone to stop me, and they didn't.

It’s a pure miracle that anyone escapes. The fact that there’s so many, that so many ships had returned, that so many had been able to escape the beaches, that most of Blue Squadron was still alive, even the Profundity had been evacuated… but not everyone had escaped. Not everyone had lived. She hadn’t had time to stop, to check every body they had passed, to grasp the hands of the dying men… the Death Star had arrived, and if she was going to get Cassian off of that planet, get Bodhi to medical, save Chirrut’s life, save Baze from himself… she had to get them off the beach.

If Kay hadn’t added a secondary consciousness to the other KX unit they had passed…

He had only lost minutes of his memory, and had a new body, fully upgraded, and the ability to carry Cassian when Jyn could not. He could fly them and the ten others that were still alive, even Sergeant Melshi, off of the planet, all before Scarif was destroyed by the terrible weapon her father had built. It was alright, though. The very first things they had heard over the comm, once they were patched into the Rebel lines, was that _the plans had been delivered_. A good thing, given how the hard copy, the one labeled Stardust, had been shot by a Deathtrooper as Jyn ran towards the cargo ship they were on now.

She still had it with her, though, as the ship landed in the cargo bay. No matter the injuries on the other ships, she knew that those on the newly renamed _Rogue Two_ were the most injured. They were the only ones to make it off the ground at Scarif, and no one in their group was uninjured. Somehow, Jyn looked to have taken the least hits of all, and she had broken her arm, was bruised and bloodied, and even had a blaster wound on her leg, right beside where the data files had been when they were shot.

Jyn would have been the last one down, making sure everyone else escaped, but Cassian… he was only barely still breathing. Falling had nearly broken his body, but climbing back up, climbing up to her, to save her… she had thought he was dying, and that was okay, because they were going to die on that planet together. Seeing Kay, seeing the ship, realizing that she might escape, that their bodies might escape, but that he might not live…

It wasn’t acceptable. That wasn’t in the equations. She had gone to Scarif with Cassian Andor walking beside her, step by step, knowing that her mission was his mission, that he believed in her, and she would be damned if she returned to Yavin, if she returned to the Rebellion, and she didn’t have him right beside her, every step of the way. And she would shoot anyone that got in her way of getting him to Medical.

“Please, we need a medic here. He’s the worst of the bunch,” she called out, and the crowd that was clamouring around them parted enough for medics to approach Kay, who was holding Cassian as steady as he could. His back, his spine… she had heard the crash of bone meeting metal, the sound reverberating in her ears, and she knew that the damage was extensive. He was laid out flat quickly, but the crowd was pushing around again, and there were so many on the ship, Chirrut now laid onto a bed, Bodhi’s shaking voice as he held onto his wrist, where his hand should be…

It was too much, so much. She had taken these people to Scarif, she had held onto the hope, she had tried to keep the dream alive, and yes, they had succeeded, but so many were lost, so many looked to her for salvation, and now their friends were around them, looking to see who lived, who they could help… she had seen out the window, before they had entered hyperspace, had seen the ships that had been destroyed…

And Cassian. Cassian might not live.

The reality of it all was crashing down onto Jyn, and whatever bit of strength she had held onto, whatever bit of sanity she had maintained, it was slipping fast. She had survived, she had carried out the mission, but so many were lost, the beaches covered in bodies, the pilots that had fired down, Saw, the Partisans on Jedha, the actual city of Jedha, her mama, her-

“Papa?”

The voice wasn’t hers, but it sounded… it sounded like a lost child, calling out for someone she loved, someone she needed, someone she relied upon, that she was scared was gone forever. The voice was not hers, but it sounded as she had, so long ago, calling out for him, hoping that the Man in White hadn’t taken him.

Was she losing her mind entirely? Was the stress of it all breaking her down, forcing Jyn to face the cruelties she had endured? Or, was there a child on this base, a child that was now missing a father, because Jyn had led them to their death. In truth, the first option was far more preferable. Enough children would lose their fathers in this war. None of them should be because of her.

“Oh, this is bad. This is very bad,” said Kay, and Jyn was startled to see that he was still standing beside her, rather than chasing after the medics that were taking Cassian from the hanger bay, and straight back to Medical.

She had been frozen for a moment, watching as the others were taken off, as Chirrut’s body was carried by Baze, as those that were missing blood and body parts were taken away… she should join them, should follow them. She was their Sergeant, promoted on the flight there. She was the one that had led them there. She was the one that had brought them home… with the help of Kay, of course. She should go with them, watch over all of them… especially Cassian.

“What is?” she asked, turning to look up at the droid.

If she could have described a shocked expression, it would be this. For once, the droid was speechless, which was concerning most of all. She had never seen him unable to find some sort of snapped remark, even when she had handed him a blaster, not that he remembered, or even really believed her now that she told him of it. To find him unable to speak now.

“I am not authorized to tell you, and yet, the probabilities of you discovering the truth are very very high, regardless of whether or not Cassian will survive.”

She had threatened to throw him off the ship if he had mentioned the percentages of Cassian’s possible survival… he had admitted that he refused to calculate them.

“Then tell me anyways, before I find out in some worse way.”

She was fixing him with a look that clearly said this was the only option, but some of the harshness had been lost, simply because she was too tired, too beaten down to fight it. The droid still looked unable to respond for a moment longer, and then-

“Kay? Kay, where is my Papa?”

Jyn was startled as she blinked, and saw a child, a very small child, standing next to Kay. She looked tiny beside the droid, only half of Jyn’s height as it were, but the droid was suddenly lowering himself down towards the child, and scooping her up, as tenderly as though he were a a child holding a kitten. What to make of this, she wasn’t sure.

“He was taken to medical, after sustaining an injury, but he will be quiet well soon enough. We were just going to check on him.”

Her head fell to the side as she blinked, first at the child that Kay was carrying like a parcel in his arms, and then up at the droid, who somehow looked softer. She understood this was a child, that the child was asking about her father, and she knew Kay… no one really trusted him, he was rarely out of even the hanger bay, as far as she was aware, and all because only Cassian held his trust, so for a child…

The pieces were all there, but putting them together was… creating a picture she had never imagined, couldn’t comprehend.

“Sergeant Erso, your arm is broken, and you have sustained multiple minor injuries. If you intent on fleeing, as you look to be considering, I recommend you do so after you have been looked at.”

She blinks again, and then follows for a few steps, hissing up at the droid, as though the little girl wouldn’t hear her. “Kay, what are you keeping from me? Just… just say it.”

The droid paused for a moment, then looked down at her. “This is the daughter of Cassian Andor.”

 

* * *

 

The medical wing is pure insanity when Jyn steps inside, but there was a rhythm to it, one that she was quickly swept up into. A 2-1B unit came over and did a quick assessment, then assigned her a bed… not that Jyn actually did more than glance at it. The unit was moving onto another bed, but she had no interest in sitting down. Sitting down would be letting the weight of everything that had happen crash down around her, and she didn’t have time for it.

She needed to check on her team, make sure Bodhi was okay, needed to check on Baze and Chirrut, needed to -

Cassian. She needed to know if Cassian was alive. He had survived the travel back, pushing the hyperdrive to it’s limits, but the damage had been so severe, there was nothing they could do, not like with Chirrut - with Chirrut, they could stop the bleeding. With Cassian, she didn’t even know what was wrong, other than the fact that he was passed out from the pain.

Kay had escorted her to medical, and then quickly turned away, taking the child with him. Not _the child_ . Cassian’s _daughter_. Cassian had a daughter, a small child, only a year or two younger than Jyn had been when her mama died and her papa had been taken away - they were bad memories, and now they flared up, because she was afraid that little girl was about to lose her father. Where was the mother? Where had she even come from?

She can’t think about it, can’t think about her mama, telling to trust in the Force, can’t think about Cassian, promising that he believed in her, can’t think about the thud, the hit, the repeating sound in her mind, bone meeting metal, the thud, the horrifying sound of what Jyn had thought was Cassian’s last breath escaping his lungs. She can’t sit here, she can’t just - she can’t.

Flying back here, she hadn’t really thought about who was with them, who survived, other than the fact that Cassian, _Cassian_ , he was with her. There had been sixteen spies that flew with them to Scarif, but only six remained. The last four, the ones she didn’t recognize, they must have landed on the beach with the reinforcements. Multiple Uwings had touched down - had any others escaped the surface? Were they all that was left of those that touched the beach?

Jyn is not a member of the Rebellion - not really. Melshi had given her a rank, Sergeant, on the flight to Scarif, and Cassian had signed off on it, but it wasn’t official, even if Kay had been calling her that rank. That stated, she is the one that led them there, she’s the one that led the charge, she’s the one that had raced across the beaches, carrying their only hope - she was the one still standing, and these were her men. She was going to make sure they were okay.

She walked by each bed, looking them over. There was blaster grazes getting cleaned, a few broken bones, lots of cuts and bruises, but no one too bad. In truth, those that had made it on board the transport were able to get there themselves. It was only her proximity to the ship that allowed her to make it on board with her own injury, and Bodhi had been able to walk there.

Cassian and Chirrut - both had been carried, the former by Kay, the second by Baze, who had apparently left his repeater cannon behind. She suspected the Guardian had had his arms full of a greater treasure.

No one that couldn’t get themselves there had made it off. There hadn’t been time, never enough time, they couldn’t check the bodies, check for wounded, check for - those that were here, they had minor injuries, because if it was anything major, they were left behind. She had taken them there, and left them to die, to die at the hands of her father’s weapon.

Cassian and Chirrut were no where to be seen, but Baze was there, standing beside the bed that Bodhi was sitting propped up on. His hand, or, where his hand should be, was being worked on by two medics, and the pilot looked a little out of it, a grin on his face, which meant that the wires connected to him were the good stuff.

“They said I’ll be able to fly again!” He’s practically gushing, and she nods a little, looking to what’s missing. “I’ll get a prosthetic and everything! They can’t take me into surgery until there’s an open bed, so they’re cleaning it now, but then they’re going to let me rest for a while - but you’ll be here when I wake up, right?”

He looks so happy and she gives a nod, smiling at him. She wants to touch him, but they’re about to wheel away his bed, whatever they were doing completed. “Of course. We’ll see you when you’re done.”

She’s still standing there when Bodhi disappears behind a set of doors, and she’s left to suck in a breath, to look at Baze. Baze, who’s the only other one left standing, because Chirrut, because Cassian -

She half sags into Baze, who catches her, and she suddenly remembers her own wounds, her arm that is definitely broken, the blaster shot to her leg, and she doesn’t even argue when she’s scooped up and carried back to her bed. She needs to talk to someone, someone that will give them news, because she doesn’t think she’s authorized to ask, but they’re _family_ \- except Cassian _has_ a family, and if they don’t tell her what’s going on, she might just lose it.

“Find out about Chirrut. They’ll tell you, because you came here together, and then find Kay. I don’t know if we’re under arrest or what - we did stage a mutiny. See if Kay can contact Mon Mothma, or Bail Organa. They’re the most likely to be sympathetic to us.” She has to form a plan, has to figure out a way to get them all treated, to take care of Bodhi, to find out about Cassian to ask about - she needs to find out about the plans. She needs to know if they were received.

Baze gives a nod, then squeezes her hand, the one that isn’t covered in burns, and she squeezes it back, as tight as she can, before he disappears, looking as though he will murder anyone that tells him no.

Everything is a blur for a few minutes, the reality of the past few weeks, of everything she has endured, crashing down around her. She’s so tired, her body battered and bruised, and she can’t move because moving is exhausting, existing is just -

She doesn’t even try to fight off the next droid that approaches her, and she realizes, briefly, that she’s getting a full body scan. It says nothing, so she guesses it can’t be too bad, but then a medic approaches with scissors. Right, her pants. She barely even feels it anymore, but there’s a wound to her side.

The next hour is excruciating - The entirety of the wound has to be cleaned, and it’s a painstaking process, getting out every last bit of dirt and debris, all of the dead skin as well, until eventually they say it’s done - they, because more medics came to join as they finished elsewhere. Her hand is cleaned as well, but no treatment yet. Her arm still has to be reset and they’re waiting on someone to come down for it.

Jyn thinks she makes it worse, though, when they start putting on the gel on her leg. The bacta dressing stings at first, or maybe she’s just imagining it, but she’s never really had bacta before - there was no luxury like this. The dressing is completely covered, though, and then the bones in her arm are reset. That receives a bacta cream and a cast to be removed in a week, and then her hand gets a thin layer of bacta gel.

“You’ll have to remain here overnight,” the medic says as he starts looking around, and she realizes they’re trying to figure out where to keep her, because she isn’t a rebel, because she’s a no one, has nothing, not even a pair of pants to replace the ones that were just cut. “In the morning, we’ll change the dressing on your leg, and then you’ll be released. You will have to get another treatment every day for a week, and then we’ll take off your cast and decide from there.”

“A week?” she asks, and she’s surprised, because why would she even still be here in a week? She’ll likely be sent on a transport to another planet, or thrown into a cell. “What if… I don’t think I’ll be allowed to stay.”

“And why not?” Comes a clear voice, and Jyn turns her head to see it’s Senator Mothma, looking regal and put together in her white robes. Jyn sucks in a breath, and even the medic stands taller. “You are a Sergeant of the Rebellion Army, are you not?”

Jyn says nothing for a moment, then licks her lips. She doesn’t really know. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn’t. Maybe, if Cassian dies…

“I know that space is limited, but I need to speak with Sergeant Erso in private. Can that be arranged, a private room for the evening?”

The medic doesn’t look like he’s going to argue, and Jyn sucks in a breath, because if they’re speaking in private, it might be about Cassian, about her future here, about the unsanctioned mission and the dead, and - maybe it’s about the little girl, the one that had clung to Kay.

“Of course, Senator. It will take a few moments.”

The Senator follows him, and Jyn is left in the bed, waiting to be moved, or - her eye catches on the doorway, where Mon Mothma had just come through, and she sees them, sees Kay standing there, a little girl beside him, clinging to his leg. They’re looking at her, and she looks back, watches them, until a medic approaches and takes them through another door.

Probably to tell them whether or not Cassian is still alive.

 

* * *

 

Settling into the room with the Senator, Jyn said nothing. There was no telling where this could go, save for the fact that there was no guards with the woman - surely, that meant that Mon Mothma did not feel as though she was in danger, so she couldn’t be in too much trouble. Her next thought that perhaps she had news - about the plans, about Cassian, about her future. There were too many directions to go, so she remained silent until the other woman had taken a seat beside the bed.

“I must thank you, Jyn, for the risk that you took. While your mission could not be sanctioned without the full support, I would like for you to know that I supported it. In the face of such oppression, there can be no other choice but to stand up and take the risk. You successfully retrieved the plans, and every person that went to Scarif did so willingly.”

Jyn says nothing for a moment, but her eyes thin a little - there had been more ground support, air support, even the ships in the space above - not everyone had come willingly. Surely, some were ordered to do so.

“Yes, I mean every person.” It seems as though the woman gets her question. “We sent no orders, but once it was discovered that your shuttle had taken off with a course set for Scarif, it was impossible to stop every pilot from taking off after you. While the Council was unwilling to act, every fighter knew the risks and went after you anyways. They knew what the cost was, if you failed.”

Jyn swallows and takes in a breath, then opens her mouth to speak. “It was my idea. Whatever punishment the others faced-”

“The mission has now been sanctioned,” the senator said, cutting her off. “And regardless, Admiral Raddus was the highest ranking commander involved, and he would be the one to take the punishment - he was given a very loud cough, I will have you know.”

There’s a smile on the woman’s face, and Jyn - she realizes what this means. There will be no punishment, not for the pilots that had joined them, the troops, every spy that had fought and risked their lives. It meant those that died were heros, not traitors to the rebellion. It meant that Cassian, if he lived…

“Thank you.” Jyn can offer nothing else, and she doesn’t really know if the Senator truly did support her, but the fact that she was acting now, keeping them all out of cells, treating the injured… All that mattered was that the Death Star was destroyed.

“The plans. What happened to them? Was the transmission received?”

Jyn won’t mentioned the destroyed data pack. It’s charred beyond belief, which means the only real hope is that it was received. The shield had been down, and Bodhi had been able to get through, which meant they were up there waiting for it. Surely, someone had it.

“Yes, the plans were received.” There’s no smile on the woman’s face, which is the cause for concern. “But-”

Jyn’s head tilts to the side, because the _Profundity_ had _made it_ , which meant that - it had to mean something.

“The _Profundity_ was greatly damaged in the assault on the Shield Gate. The vessel was boarded, and those that had not evacuated were killed or captured. The data chip, it has not been retrieved. Half of the plans were copied over, before the chip was removed, but without everything-”

She didn’t even realize she was crying until the tears were running down her cheeks. Her father’s revenge, everything he had worked for, years of placing a secret self destruct button - and it was gone.

“He told me how to destroy it, my father. I know they did not believe me, but his message - you blow the reactor, and it all goes down. The plans, the data you have, does it show where -”

“It shows enough to give us the general area,” Mon Mothma says, but she still sounds reserved, cautious. “But the weakness itself… it would be an impossible shot without more information, the area too large.”

The tears are falling into her lap, and Jyn looks away, her free hand rubbing at her face, likely getting more dirt and sand and blood on it, but she can’t - she can’t hear this. All of these years, her father was held imprisoned, all so that he could build in this weakness, and now he was dead, everyone, so many were dead - and the plans were lost. It wasn’t enough.

“I brought the data drive with me, but it was shot,” Jyn says on a choke, because of course it was. The first message, her father’s hologram, she had left it behind. This time, she had brought the physical copy with her, and it was still destroyed. “So, what’s the plan? How do we get the data chip back?”

Because there had to be a plan. There always had to be a plan.

“That is a decision for the Rebel Alliance,” the senator says, standing up. It looked as though this conversation was pulling to a close, but Jyn still had questions - so many questions. “Which you are not a member of.”

The words were harsh, but Jyn got it - _still_ \- “You just called me Sergeant Erso out there. I was given a rank, in transport. Take it back if you want, or-”

“I’d have you take the Officers test today if I thought you would stay awake long enough to finish it.” That shocked Jyn for about thirty seconds. “We need more people that refuse to listen to bad orders. We need more people that have faced the reality of war, but still have hope. Our Rebellion is filled with two sorts - the ones that still live on dreams, that won’t take the risks because they want to live… and then the ones that have seen it, that feel nothing but the crushing loss, time and again, that don’t have hope, only anger. You are a little of both, I think, but that’s a conversation for tomorrow.”

Both women are quiet for a long moment, and she thinks that might be it, but then the look - the Senator is giving Jyn a look that is so obvious, she almost chokes on it. Jyn finally forces herself to say the words, to ask, because she knows that’s what the woman is waiting for.

“Cassian - Captain Andor, is he still alive?”

There’s a long pause, and then the older woman is sitting back down into a chair. Jyn braces herself for the news that he’s dead, because that’s - he had looked dead. She had known, in transport, that his body was beaten and broken, that his lungs were filling with blood, that every second hurt. It had been a blessing, when he had passed out from the pain, but none on board had enough medical knowledge to know what to do - the only they had was time, and the fact that the transport they were on had a fast hyperdrive.

Not fast enough, though, she feared.

“His injuries were very serious. There’s heavy damage to his spine, to his shoulder, and he had internal bleeding. They’ve begun exploratory surgery, to see how bad the damage is, but there is hope, if they can stop the bleeding in time, if the damage is not too severe. We have two bacta tanks on base, and he will be placed into one of them, if he survives the surgery.”

 _If he survives the surgery_.

“And Chirrut?”

There was a tight smile on the Senator’s face, so that had to mean something. “He will live. The fact that he was still alive upon your arrival says there is likely no organ damage. Once they have cleaned him entirely, he will be placed into the other tank. His friend is with him.”

Jyn took in a long breath, because this was better than imagined - they were getting treatment, there was hope, there was-

“He has a _daughter_.”

The words slip past her lips before she can stop herself, and it’s horrifying, because now she wants to ask, to know, to find out about who the mother is, because - Cassian Andor, the man that she had risked her life for, had a daughter.

Senator Mothma raised an eyebrow in response, as though she hadn’t expected Jyn to know… but she did know. “Yes, he does. I suspect you have… a number of questions, regarding the situation.”

Jyn says nothing, because there’s nothing to say. Cassian didn’t owe her anything, he had believed in her, he had followed her, had trusted her - that was more than she could ask of anyone. What she had felt, what she had imagined - this was a war. She had no claim to him, even after all these weeks of fighting by his side.

“The details surrounding the child are classified, but I will make them available to you. Normally, I would say that it is reliant about the Captain himself explaining them, but given his current situation…”

 _She means because Cassian could die_. It’s horrifying to realize, that Cassian might never wake up again, and Mon knew that - knew that Jyn had questions only he could answer, and she was going to fill in as many blanks as she could.

“Thank you,” Jyn says, and she takes in another breath. There’s a knock at the door, and then it opens, showing another face - one she doesn’t want to see. General Draven.

“Get some rest, Jyn. I will speak with the medics about you being granted access to information regarding Captain Andor’s condition, along with the rest of your team. We will speak in the morning about your position here.” Jyn gives her a nod, and licks her lips, her eyes now on the General, who had not entered the room.

Instead, the woman had stepped out, the door shutting behind her, leaving Jyn to her own thoughts, and pain.

 

* * *

 

She’s unsure of how much time has passed since the Senator had stepped from the room, but her leg was no longer aching, and the areas being touched by the bacta felt a little numb and tingly. The only real pain left was, well, everywhere else, everywhere from her back to her hands to her feet - she was long overdue for a soft bed and a fresher with real water… a few years overdue, in truth. She hoped that it might be in the cards for her in the future, now that she had somewhere safe to put her head. Maybe.

The door opens, and it’s exactly who she’s expecting - General Draven had been here for her, not the Senator. She suspects that whatever they were talking about so long - well, it had to do with everything that they had just discussed.

Raising her chin, Jyn straightened her back, eyes locked on the man that had killed her father. Well, not literally, but he was the one that had made the call, had sent the order. He had commanded Cassian to kill him, had threatened to send her back to Wobani, had - he had believed her. Or, maybe he didn’t, but he had wanted to send them to Scarif.

If she was going to make marks on either side of the line, he owed her at least an apology, maybe even an explanation. She knew the reasoning, but she wanted to hear it from his mouth, she wanted to hear him admit that he had made a mistake, that she was more than what he originally painted her as.

There’s a cool silence between the pair as the door shuts behind him, and then he’s stepping to the chair that had been abandoned by the Senator, but he doesn’t sit. Instead, he stands in front of it, one hand at his side, the other behind his back.

“Captain Andor was one of my best assets, before you turned him against me. Always reliable, followed orders, completed the missions-” There’s a _but_. She knows it. She can feel it. He doesn’t continue, though, so she finishes for him.

“He’s still alive. I know the chances are low, but he’ll pull through. We both know he’s too stubborn to die.”

“He’s also too tired to fight to live,” the General barked, and that - Jyn sucked in a breath, because she had seen it on him, had seen how weary he was, how the battle and the fight were slowly crushing him. He had said it, before they left for Scarif, how he had done _terrible_ things for the cause… and the cause had destroyed him. Maybe he was too tired to fight.

“He’ll come back. He has every reason to. The mission isn’t complete - _you_ lost the plans.” Her words are harsh, because he hadn’t been the one to actually lose them, and he had supported the plan to go to Scarif… but she still wants to blame someone, anyone. If they had done this together from the beginning, an approved mission…

“The plans will be retrieved. All hope is not lost, thanks to you and your team. I hear you were made a Sergeant in the field.”

It’s a statement, not a question, but now Jyn has one, pressing on her. Her chin raises, and suddenly, the room feels all the colder.

“What is this?”

She flashes back to another room, with Cassian lurking in the corner, his eyes trained on her, and the same man asking her questions, telling her things that she already knows.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Is this an interrogation? Am I to be reprimanded? Are you keeping me busy while the Senator walks away, and then planning on putting me on the nearest transport so that you can dispose of me? What is it that you want now?”

Her words are cruel, harsh, but there’s no friendship between them. The only connection they have is Cassian, who is near death, and this mission, the one that he had dragged her into, threatened her into, really, that had resulted in some sort of failure.

“It doesn’t matter what it is, girl. Captain Andor is… Cassian… he’s...”

For a brief second, the hard stone of General Draven’s face falls, and she realizes what it is. Pain. He’s in pain. He’s upset, as broken as she is, because Cassian is likely dying, and there’s nothing they can do to save him. It’s entirely out of their control, and all they can do is wait.

She doesn’t know the bond between the two men, but it reminds her of one of her own. Saw might have left her behind, but her heart still ached at the memory of his death. She knows this look. The general was in mourning, because he might lose Cassian.

“You ordered the attack on my father,” she says softly, and the General gives a nod, then rubs a hand down his chest, like he’s trying to get it clean. She knows that move. Knows that feeling.

There’s blood on his hands, and he can never wash it clean.

“I make decisions with the knowledge that I have at the time. I won’t apologize for it - everything told us that he was critical to the Empire. There was no way to know that he was on our side, not really. I owe you no explanations, but that’s what you’ll get. I have to make the hard choices, and sometimes, the wrong people get hurt, but I did it because it was the right call.”

The right call. Killing her father was _the right call_.

“What do you plan to do with me?”

She trusted Senator Mothma, trusted that the woman would stand by her word, that the mission was now sanctioned, that none of her team would be punished… but the woman could do nothing if the man in front of her had her put on the nearest ship and threw her out of an airlock.

“Honestly? I haven’t the faintest. According to what little we know of you, you’re trained in hand-to-hand combat, you can fly, you know how to splice and dice, you can go undercover, and I suspect that you carry the same brains as your parents. I guess it’s up to you to decide what you want to do. You would excel in Intelligence, but I suspect you would rather leave than work under me. In the end, it’s between you and the Senator.”

Jyn is… shocked. It’s the first time she has truly been stunned since leaving Wobani, because somehow, this man that she had been preparing herself to fight against - not only had he given her as close to an apology as she could imagine, but he was also not going to stop her from doing, well, whatever she wanted.

There’s a silence as she just stares at him, and then the hand behind his back comes forward, a datapad in hand. She takes it from him with her good hand, and glances down at it - There’s only one file on it, and she reads the name across the top - _Andor, Eura_.

“Under the circumstances, I agree with the Senator’s decision to allow you access to this data. If Captain Andor were conscious, I suspect he would give you this information himself. At present, there emergency contact is halfway across the galaxy. If you decide to stay, you should also take this into account. If you decide to leave, then you should do so before forming any attachments.”

She doesn’t know what to say, but nods, because this… there’s a date on the second line, and it tells her everything she needs to know - that this is the file for Cassian’s daughter.

“After you have made your decision, you can may visit Captain Andor’s surgery. The medics have already been spoken to - they know you would attempt to get to him, and they would rather have you not reinjuring yourself, or getting in the way.  Simply ask the droid that is at the desk - he’ll get you changed and escorted.”

She takes in a breath and gives a nod, because that clears away a huge issue. There was no way she could just relax and wait - having them allowing her to see him was good.

“I believe that the droid K-2SO is there at present. If you intend on staying with the Rebellion, I will need a full mission report. He can assist you in writing it.”

She gives him a few jerky nods, because right, mission report, she had to tell him - she had to tell him everything that had happened. She wasn’t entirely sold on staying, not yet, but… they _wanted_ her to stay, and Jyn was tired of running, was tired of never having a home.

Home wasn’t a place, but a people, and this… they had believed in her. They were with her. And she wasn’t leaving until Cassian was awake. She wouldn’t just leave like that.

“Thank you, for the data,” she says, giving him a look. They share a nod, and she thinks it might just be the highest sign of respect either could give the other, and then the man leaves the room, allowing her time to open the datapad once more, allowing her a chance to read the file on Eura Andor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 will flash back to Eura's origins. Both that and Chapter 3 are written, but I have a busy few weeks, so I'll be posting them on something of a schedule? We'll see.
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!
> 
> Shout out to gloriouswhisperstyphoon on tumblr for being my medical expert! Without her, I would probably have butchered all of the medical stuff. Should out to the RC discord chat for helping with keeping the Star Wars details accurate! And shout out to all of you for joining me on this insane journey!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Jyn manages to escape Scarif with Rogue One (and ten others) in tow. Bodhi has lost a hand, Chirrut been shot multiples times, and Cassian… Cassian is fading fast, but they make it back to Yavin 4. With her team seen to, Jyn is able to sit down and get her own wounds treated, only to have a visit from both Senator Mothma and General Draven. They offer to let her keep the rank that Melshi and Cassian had given her, Sergeant, and access to updates on Cassian’s condition… along with the confidential files that tell her all about Cassian’s biggest secret - his daughter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: mild angst

“Lieutenant, I need to talk to you.”

Cassian looks up from what he’s working on, a simple encryption he’s trying to break, and sees Colonel Draven standing there, looking… almost apologetic. If he were the sort to joke, Cassian would have asked who had died, but given the fact that he had no family, no one he cared about, no one that mattered… there was no one for the Colonel to give him bad news about. At least, not given the grave way that the man was holding himself.

“Of course, Colonel. Is this about the last mission?”

It had been a messy one, but his cover wasn’t blown, the intel was good, and casualties had been minimal.

“No, no… Cassian, this is about the Corsin Mission.”

He blinks at the man, parsing through the knowledge in his brain, remembering what exactly it had entailed. He remembered that the data had been used to interrupt shipment lines, stopping the arrival of heavy weaponry to that sector. “That was almost a year ago, Colonel.”

Draven nods slightly, and then steps further into the room, a small storage room that Cassian nearly considered to be his office. It was primarily for studying and working on his training with newer Imperial tech, or just passing time until the next mission. Nothing really important, and certainly below the man in front of him.

“Recent… intelligence was passed through, and I intended on sending you back in, to use your former contact.”

Contact. He meant the Imperial tech that he had slept with to get the data. A pretty girl, enlisted in the Galatic Empire because she had nothing better to do, and didn’t really believe in the cause. Sleeping with her had been easy - getting the data was even easier. She had been trusting, too trusting, but she hadn’t truly believed in the cause… he could have turned her, with time.

“I could turn her, sir. I believe my debrief included that. What am I searching for this time?”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

And now, there was a choking silence. Something had happened, but clearly the Colonel didn’t want to continue with his thoughts. Cassian rose from where he had been sitting, as he hadn’t risen before, but now…

“Was my cover blown?”

It was one of the most precious ones they had, Joreth Sward, who had access to… every reach of Empirical control. He could go anywhere, see anything, do anything… Losing this would mean a price on his head, greater than anything before.

“The girl is dead.”

Cassian blinked, the only response he had to the statement… she was a pretty girl, yes, but not one of any note. He didn’t even remember her first name, so why was Draven looking at him as though someone _important_ had died?

“Because of me, or?”

The silence is crushing, and finally, Draven runs a hand over his face as he lets out a sigh, as though the truth will come otu eventually, and he can’t hold it in any longer. “There’s a child. Two months old. The mother died from complications. It only just crossed our radar when we considered sending you back in.”

There’s a child.

_There’s a child_.

**There’s a child.**

Cassian can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t even process this information, the words repeating in his mind. He’s frozen, unresponsive, just like a good spy, one that has been trained to take anything, any sort of torture, to not respond, to process and analyze before moving forward, and he’s… he can’t process it, can’t think it through, because whatever words he had ever thought would be thrown at him, whatever future he saw for himself-

**_There’s a child_ **.

“Where is the child now?” His voice is calm, calm and ice, not betraying the raging storm within him now. There’s a child, _his_ child, if Draven is to be believed… or perhaps not, but they had been together for some time, and two months old, plus the duration of the pregnancy… unless she had been sleeping with another during his time undercover, the child was his.

“The child is in the care of an orphanage on the planet. As it is under Empirical rule, the child will likely become a Stormtrooper.”

Every part of him was screaming, that his child could not be taken by them, that he would not let his child become a soldier, and not for the enemy - but he couldn’t respond, frozen.

“Of course, that is unacceptable. Should the child’s origins be discovered, and your cover blown, it could be used against you.” Draven was hard as he spoke, and then softened slightly. “With your permission… we intend on having the child _adopted_ by a family that is loyal to the Rebellion. They were active in the Clone Wars, older, and can give the child a quiet and peaceful life.”

“Do it.” He couldn’t say anything more, still frozen where he stood, still processing the information. His child could have a life, a happy life, perhaps. It would be safe from the reach of the Empire, safe with a family that could protect him.

**_There’s a child_ **.

“... That’s it? No other questions?”

Cassian blinked, and sucked in a breath as he finally looked to the Colonel. The man was studying him, but Cassian… he couldn’t even respond further. He couldn’t ask any questions, couldn’t…

**_There’s a child_ **.

“No sir.”

Draven nodded once, then stepped to go out the door, but waited a moment longer to watch Cassian. Cassian was still frozen in place, not moving, breath held again….

“I’ll make the file of the family accessible to you, along with their location. No one else will know, save for you and I. Should you require an extra day of travel when returning from assignments… it would be understandable.”

He jerked his head in a nod, still frozen, because Cassian… he would have wanted that, if he could process anything going on around him. Frozen still, he waited until the door was shut, and then sat down hard into his seat.

**_There’s a child_ **.

He kept it together long enough for the sound of the Colonel’s footsteps to fade, and then he broke down crying.

 

* * *

  

The only reason he isn’t on the ground in Corsin is because to every face, from the first platform to the had office, he is Joreth Sward, an Imperial officer, and he’s currently supposed to be halfway across the galaxy, serving under Admiral Grendreef. Colonel Draven would shoot him personally if he blew this cover, because it would expose everyone that placed him in this position, and ruin one of their most precious long term undercover ops.

So instead, he stays in his little U-wing, com line open, listening, waiting. He doesn’t know this couple, has never heard of Argon and Toma, but Colonel Draven had chosen them personally. They were active during the Clone Wars, much older now, and they lived on a tiny planet only two hours from Base One.

Of course, it doesn’t matter to Cassian how far away they lived, because there was no real reason for him to care. There was also no reason for him to currently be sitting hovering just off the Hydian Way, waiting for news. The child may share his genetic code, but he hadn’t even known it existed until a few days earlier. He had had no attachment to the mother, and Cassian - Force help him, he had to look into his mission report just to find her first name, and it wasn’t even there.

It wasn’t there because it hadn’t even mattered to him enough to remember it, and he remembered everything, because no intel was safe if written down, only in his own mind, and he was - he had to use Draven’s passcode to get the files. That was a kick in the gut, that he had in essence killed this girl, and yes, she was the enemy, but he had written in his report that he might flip her, and now - now she was dead, and he had a child with her.

**_There’s a child._ **

It takes everything in Cassian to not throw up again, but he's still waiting. The couple, the new parents, had landed on the planet the previous day, and were now going to the Orphanage. If they were lucky, the money they had would talk, every single coin that Cassian had begged, borrowed, or stolen for. Draven had his own personal funds, but this - this was his child, and he would do nothing except make certain that she was raised in a proper family.

She shouldn’t know this pain. She shouldn’t have a blaster in her hands at six years old, wearing a holster that’s so big, it has to be tied together to stay on her hips. She shouldn’t have to know the pain and terror of watching someone she loved die. She shouldn’t know the agony of pulling the trigger, watching the life leave another person’s eyes. She shouldn’t - she shouldn’t be in this war, but she was here anyways, and he would do anything to keep it from being a reality for her.

“This is Odus Twelve, requesting permission to take off,” he hears over the coms, and he shouldn’t be able to hear that, not really, but he’s been listening in to the tower at the main shuttle bay, and now he knows that they’re taking off. He doesn’t know if they have the child, and he holds his breath, because then two seconds he hears another voice.

“All clear, Odus Twelve. You may proceed.”

He’s supposed to wait until he hears, there’s a code, something he’ll know, and then the com lights up again, and a sigh of relief escapes him as he hears a baby crying, soft, in the background.

“Odus Twelve, pulling away.”

It’s just over six hours, and he pushes it, even though he shouldn’t, but he can’t… he can’t just wait. He’s at least thirty minutes ahead of them on leaving, and his hyperdrive is better than theirs, but he wants to get there, wants to calm his nerves, probably throw up again, and he should just go straight to Yavin, but he has to see, he has to see the child’s face.

And maybe it isn’t his, maybe they were mistaken, maybe they’ve just wasted their time and credits over a nobody orphan, but this could be his, and he just - he has done terrible things, but this time, he’s going to do something right. For once, Cassian Andor is going to do something right.

He scopes out the area around the coordinates he’s given before eventually landing an hour away. He takes nothing with him save for his blaster, but also leaves nothing to trace him behind in his U-wing, then starts the long walk to the farmhouse. The planet is pretty much abandoned, primarily forest, serves no real purpose, even has to get the most basic of supplies shipped in, but it’s peaceful, and the walk gives him time to think.

By the time he arrives, he’s tired and sore, and he knows that they should be there soon, so he takes up residence on the front porch. There’s fields upon fields surrounding them, some that are bare, some with fruit beginning to grow from the earth, and he can hear animals in the barn… this is a good place. He can feel it, feel it in the air, that this is a place that should have children. His daughter… she would have a good life here.

He’s just going to look at her, for one long second. He’s just going to look at her, two months old, and then walk away forever. It’s what he’s good at, walking away from the disasters he leaves behind, from the bodies, from the traitors, from anyone that he has hurt with his actions… He’s good at that, and he needs to do it again, because he can’t…

He can’t be a father. He knows that, knows that he’s not made for it. He’s not even supposed to still be alive… the life expectancy of a spy was six years, and while he hadn’t started as a spy, at twenty years old, Cassian knew that after fourteen years, he was pushing his luck. Every new year was another curse, because he was just adding to his burden, the price he had to pay in the end.

He couldn’t be a father, because in the end, he wouldn’t come home. He would die from a blaster shot, or from a lullaby between his teeth, but he would die. He couldn’t leave behind a child that cried for the parent that wouldn’t come.

Cassian is pacing by the time the little shuttle lands, and he looks up, horrified. He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t strong enough to just walk away, but he doesn’t have a choice, because they’re powering down, and he raises both hands, a sign of submission, and then grabs the patch that’s on the shoulder of his jacket, the rebellion insignia. By the time the ramp is lowered, no blasters are out, so he takes it to be a good sign.

No one really says anything as they climb down, and he watches the bundle in the older woman’s arms, small and wrapped up tight. She’s sleeping, he realizes, and Cassian has to be grateful for it, because he thinks that if he looks down and sees eyes like his mama’s, he might not be able to leave.

He has a war to fight, so he can’t stay, but Force, he already wants to.

His hand clings to one of the porch banisters as the couple approach him, and he doesn’t say anything, just sucks in a breath when he gets his first real look. The child _is_ asleep, but she’s beautiful, and he can see, with just a glance, that this is his child. She has dark hair, curls, and his coloring, and his nose, and his jaw, and he thinks, already, that if she smiled at him, he would see his mama.

This is his child, and he can’t believe he has to leave her here.

“Looks just like you,” the man, Argon, says, and Cassian gives a jerky nod, swallowing down his emotions, because he can’t find the words to say anything.

“I’m Argon, and this is my wife, Toma.”

He knows that this is where he offers a name, or something, so he reaches out a hand, taking the one offered him in greeting, shaking it once. “Jeron.”

It’s not his real name, and he suspects that Toma and Argon are not theirs, but that doesn’t really matter. To his little girl, they will me mama and papa, and that’s - that’s killing him inside.

There’s a long, slow moment, where he finally pulls his eyes from his child to the woman, and he sees it all of a sudden - understanding. She’s a spy, so of course she understands, she knows. They all knew that children could be used to get out answers, and Cassian was displaying his thoughts like an open book.

He didn’t want to leave, but he had to.

“What name should we give her?” Toma asks, and Cassian… he wants to break, because he doesn’t have a right to it. This is their child, but they’re asking him, and he’s not even trying to hide the emotions, the pain, written all over his face.

He thinks of his own mama, but he doesn’t even remember her first name. She had died when he was three, and his father never spoke of her. There’s no one else worth memorializing, he thinks… save for one.

“Her mother’s name was Eura,” he says, and his voice sounds far more hoarse, his accent thicker, than it ever usually did. “Had to look it up.”

They’re giving him a look that says they know just enough to understand that Cassian had been undercover, particularly given that this was the child of an unwed Imperial officer on an Empire controlled planet, so he doesn’t bother explaining.

“So… if it’s okay with you, I think Eura would be a nice way to tell her thanks for giving me a-”

Except he wasn’t being given a child. It wasn’t his, it was their child.

“I’m sorry, I should go,” he says roughly, and he tries to turn, but he’s not as fast as normal, his legs shaky, because then he feels Argon grabbing onto his arm.

“We’re doing this as a favor, and we always wanted children, but we’re just two washed up spies. We’ll do right by her,” the man promises, and Cassian nods, because he needs that to be true, that she’ll be safe. She can’t just go to anyone else… if anyone found her origins, she would be a target. “But I can see it in your eyes, boy. You don’t want to walk away.”

He’s not a boy. Cassian has killed more men than he could count, and he used to try to count, but the number had reached higher than he could count before he knew all of his numbers, and so he had given up. There’s a record of it, somewhere, probably, since he went under Colonel Draven’s command, but he doesn’t look it up. He doesn’t need to know the exact number to know what atrocities he has committed.

“Except that I don’t have a choice,” Cassian bites out, “because I have a duty, I have a job, and I can’t just abandon this cause. Not now, not when they are taking more and more. I can’t just walk away, because who will do my duty, who will take my place? I’ve been in this war for too long, and there’s no hope for me, but for her-”

He’s cut off by a tiny yawn and dark eyes opening, and Cassian takes two steps back, because she’s awake, and she’s looking at him, and he’s scrubbing a hand over his face, trying to clear the emotion, the pain. He shouldn’t have come here.

“You won’t see me again,” he says harshly, but he can’t pull his eyes away, because his little girl is looking at him, and then there’s a little smile, like she knows who he is, and he… he’s not strong enough to walk away, not when she looks at him like that.

“I think we will,” Toma says with a snort, and she’s walking into the house, her body turning so he can no longer see her, his little girl, but it’s a good thing, because he _has_ to leave, but- “Argon can show you where to park your U-wing next time. We’ll get our hands on a cot so that you can sleep in her room when you visit.”

It sounds so final, and Cassian wants to deny it, but he knows himself, knows that in his weak moments, he won’t be able to resist. He finally gives a nod of acceptance, and then takes one last look as the woman turns towards him.

His little girl. His Eura. He wants to kiss her fingertips and promise her the universe but he - he has to go, or else he’ll never leave again.

The entire flight back to Base One, Cassian cries, and when he finally lands, eyes red rimmed, no one says a word, even as he drags himself back to his quarters to destroy every item he has, because he wants to go back, because he wants to be enough, but he’s a rebel spy, and he doesn’t deserve to have anything so good in his life.

 

* * *

  

**year one**

He goes six months without seeing the child, and the only reason for it is that he had been undercover for four of those months. He had barely even checked in with the Colonel before uttering out the words that he _had to make a stop_ , and thankfully… thankfully, he had gotten confirmation that his message was received. There was no word giving him permission, but no one told him no either.

The trip is short, and not really out of the way from his return to Yavin, but he spends every minute of it cleaning himself up, shaving off the beard that he had grown in, trimming back the hair that had become long and stringy, and scrubbing himself raw, getting off every bit of dirt and grease. His hands were rough and cut up, unacceptable for touching a newborn, but… he didn’t know when he would be off base again, and he had no intention of asking anyone permission to make this trip.

He would simply stop by, check on the child, and then leave. Nothing more.

Except that the newborn he had left behind was now seven months old and crawling around on the floor. She had been a tiny bundle of yawns and warmth, eyes barely open, but what he saw now was wide eyes and a whole new reason to fight. Before, he had been fueled by his anger, but now, looking at the tiny child he was allowed to hold, there was suddenly a purpose for him.

He lasted two weeks before he came back, but of course, he only stopped by as he was passing near the planet towards his next assignment. The couple were unsurprised to see him, which should tell him something, but Cassian was too wrapped up in watching tiny hands reaching towards the top of his boots, trying to pull herself up. There was drool running down her chin from teething, and he had never seen anything more precious in his life.

When he stopped by three weeks later on his way back to base, he had with him a necklace of beads said to help with the teething.

It only took two hours to travel in his little U-wing from Base One to the home of his daughter, but when he was traveling the other direction a week later, it felt lightyears away. The assignment took him from planet to planet, grabbing messages, intel, spending a night in one place or another, until eventually, he finally set a course for home. He was tired, having survived on caf and energy pills for far too long, until eventually he landed, and realized he wasn’t back on base.

He spent that night sleeping on a pallet on the floor of a nursery with a tiny nine month old in the crib beside him. When he woke up in the morning, his hand was being held tight by a tiny fist, and he had never known such love as this.

The next few weeks are back and forth, because it’s a lot of reports and code breaking and studying to be promoted, so that means he can see her, see her over and over again. He’s there when she celebrates her first birthday, but he’s the one that gets a present, when she smiles at him and calls him _Papa_.

He misses seeing her walking for the first time, a month later, because he’s undercover again, but there’s a holovid of it, and even when he returns to Yavin, he’s all smiles, amazed at what she has become. He even shows it to Colonel Draven, who has the oddest look on his face, and quickly excuses himself afterwards.

**year two**

She’s lived with Argon and Toma for just over a year when he finally realizes what is happening. They love his daughter, they do, but it’s obvious that they are not bonded to her as he is. After Eura has gone to bed one night, he finally sits down and asks…

The truth isn’t what he expects.

“We were spies,” Toma says, and Cassian gives a nod, because he expected it, for them to be in Draven’s circle, given how sometimes, they press a data drive into his hand as he’s leaving. He doesn’t ask, they don’t tell, and all he can do is hope that it doesn’t come back to bite any of them. “Spies don’t form attachments. Not really.”

That’s not enough, though, and he presses further.

“She loves you,” Argon finally responds, and Toma looks… sad. “We always wanted some of our own, but we knew it wasn’t for us. Eura is too young to see, but the scars on our minds… it wasn’t meant for us. We meant to be happy with her, but we’re not… we’re too broken for this, but you? You look at her like she hung the moons in the sky, and you would gladly give her more if it made her happy.”

“Live for her,” Toma had suddenly said, and Cassian realizes what it is - they’re living with regret, because they think they’re too broken to be parents, because they have never called themselves _mama_ and _papa_ , and he realizes what he knew all along.

This, Eura living here, it’s just temporary. One day, Cassian will no longer be a spy, and one day, the war might be over… and she will be his daughter.

Or, one day, he will die, and his daughter will have tiny memories of a man that loved her more than anything, and an Aunt and Uncle haunted by a war they could never escape.

_Live for her_.

Because she deserved better than this. Deserved to be safe. And so, he began planning, planning a future for her, a secure system for her, people to trust, because this place is temporary, and he has to plan for the day she joins him.

Something inside of him breaks when he brings Kay with him for the first time on his next visit. He has had him for a few months now, something picked up along the way, but Cassian had left him in the shuttle each time, partially because he wasn’t certain he could trust the droid, but also because he hadn’t known how anyone would react. The answer is, she reacted poorly.

Eura had screamed and run _away_ from him, something he had never expected, something that he had feared for so long, but - it was because of the droid. Kay had been alarmed, explaining that he meant no harm, but Cassian had sent him back to the Uwing again all the same.

The rest of the visit had been tense, with Cassian promising that Kay was a friend, that she shouldn’t trust any droids at all unless her Aunt and Uncle said she could - still, there was fear in her eyes, and when Cassian told her that he had to go, she had cried no over and over. Never before had she been so upset about his leaving, but he promised to come back with a present.

He told himself it was for her safety - that she should know who Kay was, and given he was an older model, he was different from any other KX she might encounter. Getting his hands on a tiny droid doll had felt absurd, and he had buried it into his bag, but when he made the real thing stand still while he hovered over a tiny pot of paint and a paint brush… Kay agreed that the small figure did look appropriately similar.

Returning to her a month later, Cassian had awkwardly held out the doll to her. She had looked wary, glancing over his shoulder towards the open door of the Uwing, where Kay was standing just inside… but then his daughter had looked down at the doll and smiled. Smiled, and then looked between the two. Her fingers had run over the dried paint, marking him different from any other active model out there - She would know the difference, know that this one was a friend.

Kay didn’t leave the ship, but she also didn’t have fear in her eyes, and when Cassian left, she was still clinging tight to the Kay doll, and waving to both of them.

**year three**

His daughter’s second birthday is a joyous one, because he brings her a real cake, and ice cream, and there’s even a bottle of Corellian whisky for her Aunt and Uncle. All of them, even Kay, have a good time, watching the little girl look at the books he brought her. They’re all on older data pads, nothing too expensive, but the colors light up, and that’s enough for him. She gives him little kisses all over his face before he goes, and he wants to stay, but there’s a contact waiting for him across the system, so he has to leave.

Kay finally admits that she’s perfect three months later, and it’s Kay that she runs to when they come out of the woods, walking towards the farmhouse. The droid picks her up and she wraps her arms around him, squeezing tight.

“Missed you!” she says, and Cassian will be damned if the KX doesn’t pause for a moment in his steps.

It’s getting harder to leave, because she’s changing more and more. There are more words, more tastes, and when he comes back to her favorite color changed and a distaste for berries, he realizes he can’t do this much longer. He needs to stop having this distance between them, and he can’t take her undercover, but having her on base would help. He could spend more time there, maybe work something out that he wasn’t gone for as long, and he means to ask them, but-

They look happy here, on their little farm. It’s not much, but they look at peace, and Cassian can’t imagine ever wanting any sort of peace after the war, knows to not trust a bunch of politicians to keep balance, knows he will spend his life in the thick of it… but he wants this life for Eura, as long as she can have it.

He almost takes her, though, almost leaves Raydonia with her all together when she’s almost three. It had been a long flight to get to her, and something was wrong, because she refused to sleep, to eat. She wasn’t sick, and this was apparently normal, but she - she seemed in pain, the way she cried, how she clung to him. He had taken her up in the air for the first time since she had landed on the planet, and when she had fallen asleep their second time circling the nearby village, it had taken everything in him to not just leave the planet all together, take her back to Base One.

He might have, if Kay hadn’t been powered down in the farm house, and if he had had any idea of how to take care of a toddler.

 

* * *

  

It’s the longest he has been away from his daughter since he first returned to her, a long three months. He was undercover on the other side of the galaxy for the first half of the time, and then he was on another mission, supervising and picking up new recruits. He had warned Eura that he would be gone for a time, but he still felt guilty - she was no longer a baby, but a little girl that knew and remembered and asked for him. When he had last seen her, she had been stringing together words into sentences and figuring out her numbers - by the time he returned, he didn’t know what to expect.

By now, General Draven knew to expect that Cassian would be going straight to Raydonia. Unless he was injured, or had intel that he couldn’t transmission over the coms and was of high importance, he always went to Raydonia first. He had to - he never knew when he would be off Base again, or if he would be in a rush or not. He had thankfully been able to spend a few hours there before he began his journey, but he intended to spend two days before he returned to Yavin.

He’s not pushing it, because he has been flying through Core territory, under the radar, but when he’s nearing the Inner Rim, he gets a com. He’s not expecting it - there’s no way anyone should be contacting him, there’s no reason for it, there’s - the only reason he would be getting a com is if something is wrong.

And something is very wrong.

Cassian trusts Kay for a few minutes to listen in, and he doesn’t even respond. It’s Draven’s voice, and he can hear him whispering, because there’s no way that Cassian should know, but this man is the closest thing he has to a father, which means Eura is the closest thing that the General has to a granddaughter. The message is short and simple -

_Deathtroopers on Raydonia. Hurry._

Even on the Hydian Way and pushing out every last drop of fuel he has on board, it’s another eight hours, and he’s having to face the cruel reality that his little girl, his Eura, might be dead. He doesn’t know why any Emperial troops would be on Raydonia - it’s out of the way, serves no real purpose, simply exists, a world of forests and nothing much more. If there’s any sort of troops, particularly deathtroopers -

He should have asked _why_ a pair of retired rebel spies lived only two hours from Yavin 4, when there was an entire galaxy out there. He had wanted to ask, but he hadn’t had the clearance, and besides, there’s no way that General Draven would purposely place Cassian’s daughter in harm’s way.

But they were there for a reason, he had transported intelligence a few times, even though he hadn’t asked, and now - he knew, when he got there, exactly who the troopers were looking for.

Normally, Cassian would carefully land in the forest a long walk away, would use a speeder to get there and back, would - he wouldn’t just fly straight to the house itself, but he can’t stop himself. It’s abandoned, there’s no activity, but the door is off it’s hinges, and he gets a sick feeling.

Kay can’t stop him, has to practically land it himself, because he’s out as soon as the ramp is down enough for him to crawl through, and he screams, screams for Eura, screams for anyone to answer him.

His blaster is in one hand, and he goes from room to room - there’s a few blaster shots, and everything looks upturned. Pieces of the flooring has been torn up, every room is in shreds, but there’s no bodys, no sign of anyone dead, and that-

The com unit had been shot to hell, which made sense, they probably send a call to Draven, and then they had run. It made the most sense of all. But with no com, he had no idea where they could be.

Either they got away, or they were captured, and if his daughter was in the hands of Emperial troops.

The speeder is in pieces, looking like it had been shot to hell, but he knows the path to take. Cassian runs into the forest, running until he thinks his heart might give out, until he might throw up, but he keeps going. He hasn’t run like this since he took his officer exam, but he has to keep going, because if they aren’t there, there’s one other place they could be.

Tearing through the woods, Cassian finds it, the cave where he lands his Uwing, any time he visits. He should have come here first, because this would be where they were expecting him - of course they would know he was coming. They would know that he would destroy the universe to get back to her, back to his little girl.

Cassian ran into the cave without thinking, his blaster left behind in the house, no weapons on him. Just him, running, until there’s a blaster in his face, and then the sweetest sound in the universe-

“Papa!”

He’s falling to his knees, arms open as the blaster is lowered, and Eura is throwing herself into his embrace. His eyes pinch closed, because he’s trying to not cry, but the tears are already escaping him, and he clings to her, clings so tight, he might squeeze the life out of her. She smells like home, like love, like every bit of hope and dream he has for the other side of this war, and he makes a vow to never leave her again.

He forces his eyes open to look at the couple, to see that Toma had been the one holding the blaster, and that Argon was a few steps away, holding his leg. It looked as though he had fallen while running, which would make sense - he had probably made it worse continuing to run on it, but they were alive.

“You are otherwise unhurt?” he asks, his eyes leaving the leg to look at his little girl, brushing her dark hair back from her face.

“We’re alright,” the man says, and he’s groaning as he stands.

“Kay, bring the Uwing to the clearing. They’re here,” Cassian says into his com unit, and he gives a nod to the couple. Whatever had happened, he knows General Draven will want to hear, but he doesn’t want his daughter to have to live through it again.

She’s still clinging around his neck, and he has one arm wrapped around her again, and he’s not letting go. Not until they’re off this planet.

“We’re going back to the house for you to gather your things, and then I’m taking all of you to Base One.” There’s no room for discussion in his voice, and he presses his lips to Eura’s hair. Not letting go of her for a long time.

“Going with you, Papa?” she asks, and he smiles, because yes, she’s going with him, and he - he could have lost her, and he could never face the galaxy again if she wasn’t part of it.

“That’s right, _querida_. I’m taking you to a new home.”

 

* * *

  

Landing on Yavin 4, Cassian realizes that this might all be about to blow up in his face. He can’t force Argon and Toma to live on Yavin, even if it was a beautiful moon, with a whole system to live in. They could pick another planet, they could - they could stay here, watch his little girl… except that he can see the way they’re looking around the base. They don’t want to be here, and they won’t stay. And he can’t let them take Eura from him.

He walks into the command center with the couple behind him and Eura on his hip, and if anyone gives him a second glance, he fixes them with a glare. Several of those in the room might outrank him, but he is known for what he does, would probably be promoted to Major soon, except that that meant no longer going into the field, and his aliases, his undercover work, they were still needed.

They might not know his name, but the set of his jaw, the blood on his hands, the way that General Draven regards him… _Spy_ . _Saboteur_ . _Assassin_. He had done terrible things in the name of the Rebellion, but the way that he held his daughter now, it was clear that he would destroy it all to protect her.

“Everyone out,” Draven says, and the room scatters. All that’s left is the five of them, with Kay standing at the door as everyone runs past. The tone was clear, that this could not be argued with, and once the door is shut, Cassian has to struggle to not strike the man that had helped turn him into the person he was today.

Instead, his teeth gritted, and then he looked down at what he has in his arms.

“General Draven, I would like for you to meet my daughter, Eura Andor, who’s life you placed in danger because of the information that you were passing through her guardians.” His voice is hard, and he thinks he might still punch the man.

General Draven is regarding him with a look that says he might just yell, even with a three year old in the room, but then she, his bright little angel, speaks. “Hello! I’m Eura!”

Everyone freezes for a moment as she reaches out a hand towards the man, and Cassian watches, waits, as the older man slowly reaches out to take her hand. She shakes it once, then drops it, and fixes him with a smile… and if it’s possible, the hardest man on base melts a little.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Eura. I’m-” He seems to pause for a moment, because what should she even call him? Cassian doesn’t have the answer for a moment, and then finally supplies it.

“You know how you have been living with your Uncle Argon, and your Aunt Toma?” She nods, and Cassian gives a nod in response, then tilts his head towards his Command Officer. “This is your Great Uncle Davits. Can you try saying that?”

She manages the _great_ and the way she already says _uncle_ , dropping the _u_ somewhere, but the man’s first name is missing the second half of it… but there’s a smile on his face, and whatever anger Cassian had walked in here with… the guilt that General Draven would feel would be far harsher.

“Well done,” the General says, and then there’s a moment of silence.

“I am taking Eura to my quarters to sleep, but I will need a larger set of rooms, so that she can have her own space. I may not have the rank, but I know that Majors with families are allowed two rooms together, including a private fresher. Given the circumstances, I think that can be arranged.” His tone leaves a clear message for his CO to not argue with him, and Draven seems to get it, because he gives a nod.

“I can have a cot brought to your room just as soon as I finish up in here, to get you through the night, and then we will find you better accommodations.” There’s a pause, and then Draven turns his gaze back to the little girl. “Welcome to Yavin 4, Eura Andor.”

In the end, Argon and Toma decide that they’re done - that this was enough for them. After Argon’s bacta treatment, they stay the night, and then wish Eura well. Cassian pulls them aside before they leave, though, and asks one last thing - because he has no one else to reach out to.

“If I die, take care of her?”

There’s a nod between spies, because they’re not supposed to live through the war, that the fact these two still stood was a miracle, and Cassian’s life expectancy was not as long as it should be. He was being selfish, keeping Eura with him, but he wouldn’t regret it.

She was his little girl, and he would be dead before he let anything separate them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 will be moving back to present day, with Jyn having finished reading Eura's file. It's already written, and will be posted Thursday. Probably.
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: **FLASHBACK**  
>  _Cassian Andor had spent a long time undercover, long enough that he had started a sexual relationship with a contact. A year later, he finds out that that relationship had produced a child, and the contact, an Imperial Officer, was now dead. The child is adopted, purposely, by an older Rebel couple, and Cassian meets the child, a girl he names Eura. He ends up visiting regularly over the next three years, never able to stay away from his child for long, until the planet is attacked by Deathtroopers. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but the fear of losing her had almost crushed Cassian, and so he makes a decision - no more separate planets, no more having her live with someone else. She’s his little girl, and he’ll destroy the galaxy before she’s taken away from him again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> There is medical gore, in the second and the third sections. This will be marked with VERY BOLD STARS. If you do not want to read the blood and gore, just skip ahead to where you see the stars again. There's two sections of it. A TL;DR will be in the end notes, if you decide to skip.

She reaches the end of the file, and all Jyn can do is stare at the picture there, the most updated image of the child. She’s…  _ beautiful _ . Jyn had been too out of it to truly look at her earlier, but she’s clearly Cassian’s daughter, with his eyes, the turn of his nose, a softer jaw, but the lips… when Cassian had smiled at her on the transport, it was the same. Cassian had a  _ daughter _ . It still amazed her, that this was really happening, that the man that she had spent the past few weeks with, that she had risked her life with, that she had fought with and nearly died for - he had a child.

And he had never said a word about it.

A part of Jyn wasn’t surprised. Cassian was a spy, and given the great lengths that they had gone to to keep her safe before she came to Yavin 4, it would be unsurprising that he wouldn’t tell an asset anything about his child, particularly given the fact that Jyn wasn’t part of the Rebellion. And then after she was in it, after there was an end… why would he tell her? There wasn’t time, hadn’t been enough time…

There’s another page, another set of files, and she knows what it is, but she won’t listen. They’re soundbites, holos, and they’re dated… the last one, time stamped the morning they had left for Scarif. The one before it? From the night before they left for Jedha. They were for his daughter, if he died. 

If he died, like he was dying now.

She shouldn’t listen. Whatever they had meant to give her, this wasn’t it. What they meant to give her.. Surely it was just the small details, so that Jyn knew there was no one else, that the mother was dead, that she was the product of a mission that ran too long… the General had mentioned attachments. What he had meant was that if Jyn was staying, and Cassian died… this child would have no one.

A child orphaned by war, one that could be held hostage, used as a weapon. She hadn’t even met the girl, and Jyn was already attached. Maybe the girl would hate her, maybe she would rather go back to the parents that had returned her to Cassian when they had fled, maybe - maybe Cassian would live, and these thoughts were pointless.

Or, they would die, and Jyn would take the girl and run, run as far away from the Rebellion and the reach of the Empire, and give her the kind of childhood that she had been denied, the kind of life that she was sure Cassian wished he could give her. If Cassian died.. She could do this. Take the girl and run.

Not  _ the girl _ . Eura. Her name was Eura. Eura, after the name of the officer that Cassian had slept with, the mother that had died giving birth. Eura Andor, the daughter of a Rebel Spy. Eura Andor, possible orphan.

With a shaky breath, Jyn’s finger had hovered over the last file… she couldn’t remember the exact times, but if she had to take a guess, he had recorded this message a few minutes after she and Bodhi had been brought before the council, which meant that he had known, when she went in, that they were going to Scarif. She shouldn’t listen, knew better, but…

Cassian was dying, and he had a daughter, and Jyn was helpless. To hear his voice again, even for a few moments…

“Eura.  _ Querida _ .  _ Mija _ . It’s your Papa.”

There’s a long silence, and Jyn sucks in a breath, because she’s remembering another message, one from her own Papa…

“I know I said I would always come home, but this time… I don’t think I’m coming back. I would never willingly break a promise to you, but I have to, just this once. I told you that everything I do, I do to save the Galaxy, to stop those that destroy rather than create. I told you that the things I do, they are terrible, but they are so that we can create a better world. I meant that. I’ve done… my sins are my own, but know that I do them because I cannot stand by and watch the galaxy fall apart. I do what I do because I hope to one day raise you in peace, where you know nothing of the war that you were born into.”

There’s a sound, like Cassian is clearing his throat, but Jyn knows what it is. He’s getting choked up. Jyn has tears running down her own cheeks, and then-

“They call it the Death Star. It can do terrible things, destroy so many lives. It’s going to destroy us all, and there’s only one way to stop it. I’m breaking orders to do it, but it’s the only chance we have. I have to go get the plans, and I might die getting them, but we have to take the risk. There’s someone… she believes we can do,  _ querida _ . She believes in us, believes in the cause, believes that we can stop this thing, and we have to. We don’t have a choice. We can turn and run, but it would chase after us. I’m going to ensure it’s destruction, so that you-”

He’s taking in a ragged breath and Jyn can’t stop the tears, her whole body shaking, and she’s… A father’s last message to his daughter. She had no right to this, and yet, she can’t turn it off.

“If we get back from this, I’m going to introduce you to her. Jyn. Jyn Erso. She - because of her, we’re going to save the galaxy. I hope you think of her as I do, and if I don’t make it back, I’ll make sure that Jyn does. She has a fire in her, just like you.”

There’s a long pause, and the data pad drops down onto the bed beside Jyn.

“I love you, Eura. There’s not a lot of time left, because I want to find you, give you a big hug before I go… You were always my hope, even at the worst of times. If I don’t come back… you go with Jyn, and you run. Run as far away from this as you can.”

There’s a sniff, and then the static, and then it goes silent.

Jyn can do nothing but cry.

 

* * *

 

By the time Jyn has herself back under control, her eyes are red rimmed and she feels exhausted… but Cassian is in surgery, and she has an invitation to join, which she won’t be turning down. As the General had said, there’s a droid just outside of the doorway, and when she asks to visit Cassian, she’s informed she needs to return to the room so that she can be  _ dressed _ .

What the droid really means is that she has to go through almost an hour of getting changed. All of her clothes are removed, and thankfully her belt and vest make it out in peace, but her pants and shirt are completely shot. All of the blood and sand are washed off as best can be done with a rag and a bowl of water, but she feels cleaner, somewhat. Her hair, mess that it is, is combed back into a tight bun, and it’s covered in a cloth. Her own shoes are left behind, and she’s given a set of chunky shoes, but - it could be worse. And she’s going to see Cassian.

It’s a silent walk, and she doesn’t complain as they move forward, until eventually, she realizes something is different. It’s oddly quiet, too quiet, as though there is soundproofing, and the smell… it’s too clean, too bitter, the air somehow feeling thinner. It’s pure silence, until she reaches a door. The medic pushes it open, and sitting there, with a screen, is K-2. There’s another door beyond that, and she realizes why she’s dressed as she is - they’ll let her actually view the surgery.

Neither she or the droid say anything as Jyn walks through the next door, and she realizes the medic has left her there, the door closing behind her. The room she is in is dark, no chairs, and there’s a pane of glass. She can see across and over the tops of a few heads, but it takes her actually walking towards it to see within, to see what’s going on.

#  **************

She shouldn’t have looked. She shouldn’t have looked down, to see what was going on. She should have stopped, should have stayed with Kay, because she can see so much, can see him so close, so real - she can see how he doesn’t look alive. Not really. There’s so much blood, and yes, they’ve cleaned him up some, because he’s stripped naked, and they had to have sterilized his body before they cut into it, but - 

There’s a long cut running up his stomach, and she can see the doctors removing something - she’s too horrified to even ask, although she doubts anyone will hear her. There’s no sound in the room save for her own breath, and each one sounds more and more ragged. The blood, though…

It’s everywhere. It’s on the plastic covering the droids, it’s on the floor, it’s on the bed, on the hands and arms of the surgeons, and she knows that it’s his. There’s a cart that has what looks like bags upon bags of dark red liquid, and there’s a woman hanging bag after bag, attached to a long tube that’s going into him. 

They’re trying to stop the bleeding, she realizes - and trying to replace the blood he’s lost. They’re trying to save his life, trying to stop it all before he’s too far gone.

With a few shaking steps, Jyn is at the glass, and she’s pressed against it, both hands flat against the cold wall, and she… she wants to throw up, wants to cry, but all she can do is watch in horror, her forehead pressing to it, trying to climb through it, to reach him, to take his hand, to take his pain -

She wants to know the chance that he survives this, but Jyn doesn’t need to know probability and statistics, doesn’t even need to know medicine. This is a last ditch effort. This is them throwing everything they can at him. This is - he’s dying on that table.

However long Jyn stands there, she isn’t sure, but then there’s another surgeon approaching, blade in hand. She takes in a gulp because it’s like she knows she should look away - she should look away but she can’t, watching as the blade slips between two ribs, and then - 

A scream of horror escapes Jyn as the blood begins to pour out from Cassian’s chest, and she realizes what it is. He had been breathing harder and harder, each one a struggle, and now she sees - his lungs had been filling with blood. Both hands are clapped over her mouth as she takes a few steps back, and she wants to scream again, wants to cry, but she’s so horrified, watching as it hits the floor, hits a droid, hits a nurse - they’re putting a tube in him, but she can’t watch any more. 

It’s a few heavy steps to reach the door, but she doesn’t have the strength to open it. The door opens for her, though, and there is Kay, holding it for her. She stumbles through a few steps, whipping off her mask, and then through the next door - she’s throwing up into the hallway, retching up everything in her stomach. The blood that had poured from him - how was there even anything left? 

Her hand wipes at the back of her mouth, and she wishes she could brush her teeth, something to get rid of the taste… Instead, she turns back around, looking through the open door, towards the closed one, the one that she had just come through. Kay is still standing there, looking at her, and she…

“Is there even any hope?” she asks, and she hates herself for asking, because she doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want to hear, but-

“They would not be going to such lengths and using so many resources if there was no hope,” he says, and that - isn’t a comfort. How could there be any hope when he had lost so much blood? He was cut open, now in two places, his stomach split in two… there was no way anyone could survive so much trauma to their body.

Stumbling to a chair, she looks up at the screen, then turns away from it. She can’t look, but she also can’t leave, trapped here by duty and the knowledge that, if he dies, she can’t just get the news from someone else. She has to see it for herself.

“They had been finishing removing the spleen and sewing up the major artery it was attached to when you entered. Already, with such actions, his chances have tripled.” She notices he doesn’t actually say the percentage. “What you witnessed just now was perfectly normal, for the procedure. They were removing the blood from his lungs. Very standard, although, as you saw, exceptionally bloody. It looks as though he’s already breathing easier.”

That was not a comfort, but if Kay said it was better… she highly doubted the droid would begin to lie to her now.

“Is he going to live?”

She shouldn’t have asked, because Kay’s gaze is no longer on the screen… and is instead on her. He’s looking at her as though he’s calculating the statistics… he’s looking at her as though he doesn’t like the answer.

#  **************

 

* * *

  

They've been quiet since Jyn's question, but she doesn’t mind, given the fact that she really doesn’t want to hear the answer. Instead, she has been watching the droid, who has been watching the live feed. She suspects, if she wanted to, she could return to the observation room, but she has no interest in actually seeing what was going on. Blood had never bothered her before, whether it was hers or someone else’s, but seeing Cassian so exposed, literally - 

She didn’t want to see him like that again. He had always been full of anger, of passion, of drive, and this? He was just a shell. What made him Cassian was unconscious, and she was interested in seeing nothing else.

Eventually, she gives up on keeping her eyes open - they’re growing heavy, and nothing is changing. In truth, she serves no purpose in sitting here, but she has nowhere else to go. She could return to the bed in the trauma bay, or return to the private room, perhaps, or - there’s nothing here for her. Just the news as to whether or not Cassian died. She would remain in this chair, until something changed. And something would to change, eventually.

Shifting a little to get more comfortable, her head leans against the wall as she turns her back entirely on the feed - she refuses to watch even a second of it. No, she’ll just rest her eyes for a moment, and then-

“Jyn. They are beginning to stitch him up.”

Blinking a few times, Jyn then suddenly sits up straight, and turns to look at the feed. It does indeed show someone taking careful stitches, and she wrinkles her brow - “How long was I out?”

There’s no clock in the room, but she knows that the droid will know, and it takes a moment for him to calculate the time. “Just under nine hours. You will likely feel stiff and uncoordinated, due to the position you were in, but you will survive.”

She sniffs at that, because yes, of course she would survive, but Cassian… if they were beginning to stitch him up…

She finally looks at the feed, and sees blood - she can’t look at it anymore than that. They are, indeed, stitching Cassian up, so she stands and stretches, ignoring the way her arm has a dull ache, and her leg is throbbing. She’s due for her next bacta treatment in another few hours, she thinks, and could do with food…

If they were stitching him up, that meant that he was still alive, and if he had survived the surgery, that had to mean he could go into bacta, and if he went into bacta - he could still die. There was a very good chance he good die. And yet…

“Don’t tell me,” she says, fixing a look at the droid. Somehow, Kay looks tired, which is mildly concerning… or perhaps it’s just the newer model body. The voice sounds strange as well, but she suspects that Cassian will fix that soon… if he wakes up.

“I’m assuming you mean the statistics as to whether or not he will live?” Kay asks, and she lets out a huff. She’s still wearing the clothes that they had given her to view the surgery, and her hair feels tight, even with the scarf they had given her falling off her head. “Or would you rather know the likelihood that he will wake up from the coma they will likely place him in?”

She says nothing, because she doesn’t want to know. She can’t know. She can’t face it. They had beaten the odds too many times, escaped Jedha, escaped Eadu, made it to Scarif, grabbed the plans,  _ escaped _ \- their entire lives were wrapped around taking chance after chance and somehow pulling through. Eventually, the luck would be gone.

She just hoped that time hadn’t come yet.

With Cassian having survived, she knows that she needs to get up and move, figure out her next steps… it was likely too early for the Senator to want to continue their discussion from the day before, not that she had made any sort of decision. She also still had to write the report for General Draven, possibly. And maybe… she wanted to hear from the Surgeon how Cassian had done. And maybe, she wanted to ask about that little girl. The one that Cassian had promised he would introduce her to.

“General Draven said that you could help me write a report for what occured on Scarif. I assume there’s a protocol for it.” She had obviously never done such things when she was with the Partisans - they had had just as many weapons and ships as the Alliance, but they were a little less formal with the paperwork. “I’m not sure when he requires it, but I can’t just sit here and stare at the wall any longer.”

“You didn’t stare at the wall. You slept.” She knows that the droid is attempting to make a sarcastic remark, but it sounds strange, coming from the straight-time robotic voice that comes installed on normal KX units. She doesn’t like it.

“Well, I refuse to stare at the wall now, and there’s nothing else to do. Will you help me write the report, or not?”

There’s a long silence, and she realizes that Kay has tilted his head to the side, and is analyzing her. She doesn’t think he has enough data to answer whatever statistical question he has rumbling around in his brain, so she waits, arching an eyebrow in response.

“Do you intend on remaining with the Rebellion? Based on your original file, there was a 99.2% chance of you disappearing within 24 hours of mission completion. I currently have it at a 7.4% chance of you leaving, if Cassian should live.” She wasn’t going to ask the percentage if Cassian died, wasn’t going to think about that voice message, wasn’t going to think about how Cassian had told Eura to go with her, to run. She couldn’t think about it.

“They offered to let me stay.” Sort of. The Senator had mentioned taking an Officer exam, but gone no further. The General had expected she would make a decision after reading the file… which had only confused her more. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”

And she wouldn’t. Not until Cassian woke up. Probably.

“The only reason that you would concern yourself with writing a report is if you intended on staying. If you do not intend on staying, then the responsibility would fall to Sergeant Melshi, who is more than capable of completing the task.”

She lets out a scoff and stands up, a bit too suddenly, but she won’t be interrogated like this. “If you refuse to help me, so be it. I will find another droid that can.”

The noise that comes from Kay seems to match hers, something of a cross between a scoff and a harumph, but she doesn’t respond. Instead, she’s watching the feed again, because somehow… no, it doesn’t get any better. He’s still alive, though, and that counts for something.

“Is it because of Eura Andor?” 

Jyn can do nothing but swallow it all down, because no, it’s not about her. It has nothing to do with the girl. If Cassian lives… she might stay. Bodhi… he would need her as well. She’ll stay. And if Cassian dies, Bodhi will still need her. It would be nice to have somewhere to stay, permanently.

_ If I don’t come back… you go with Jyn, and you run. Run as far away from this as you can. _

“I know that they gave you a copy of her files. I personally asked the Senator to do so, after informing her of his last message. You listened to it, didn’t you. You don’t want to join because if he dies, you won’t stay here. You’ll do as he asked.”

She’s staring at nothing, eyes locked on the monitor, her back turned towards him, and she can’t, she won’t answer. She has only met the girl for a few seconds, knew nothing about her, nothing about how to care for a child, how to even care for herself…

_ you go with Jyn, and you run _

“What of it? So he has a daughter, and she has nothing else - Cassian is going to live.” Her voice is hard as she turns to look at Kay, her eyes thinning. “She doesn’t need me. She has a family that would care for her. I can barely even take care of myself. The war isn’t over, and I can’t just run and pretend that the Empire isn’t destroying the galaxy. I can’t just run anymore. I’ve spent my entire life running, so I’m staying.”

Her chin lifted slightly as she finished speaking, but even she knew it was bantha shit. She was staying because of Cassian, and if Cassian was no longer here, she would run. Run because she couldn’t take anymore loss. And she wasn’t taking his daughter with her..

“There’s a message for you as well, but I will only give it to you if he should die. It will likely heavily influence your decision.

Maybe she would. Or maybe, she would never have to listen to that message, because Cassian might still live.

“Jyn, I highly doubt they will expect you to make a decision today, and particularly not before he wakes up. I will still assist you with writing the report, but- Wait, where did it go?”

#  **************

He’s looking behind her, and Jyn turns around to look at the video feed, but it’s cut off. For a brief moment she thinks something went wrong, and she looks towards the door she had come through earlier, the one that gave her a full view of the operating room, of the blood, of Cassian on the table - she’s reaching for the door before she can stop herself, her mask forgotten on one of the chairs, and steps into the viewing room.

It looks like carnage. Utter destruction. The amount of blood in the room is horrifying. There are two nurses sitting against the wall, looking half asleep, and a man half leaning onto the bed, as though he doesn’t have the energy to move. 

#  **************

Cassian and the three surgeons are gone.

The door into the hallway opens, and she turns around to see a man wearing same of the same scrubs she’s in… except he’s also wearing a coat, and she can tell that he’s only recently washed his face and hands. Probably to get off all of the blood.

Taking a few steps forward, she pauses in the doorway, because she wants to know where Cassian is, wants to know if he’s still alive, if she can see him - “General Draven is not here?”

She shakes her head and looks at K-2, who makes an odd noise that sounds like he’s processing something. “The General has made myself the temporary point of contact.”

She doesn’t know what that means - why would Draven make Kay the temporary contact? Why maintain it at all? 

“And we have both authorized that Sergeant Erso be present as well.”

The surgeon gives a nod, and then - she hears none of it. Not really. He talks about the blaster wound, about the damage done to Cassian’s ribs, his spine, how they had to remove his spleen, had to drain the blood in his chest, but it all of it just goes through her. She hears none of it, because if she listens to what had happened to him, she might break. She might just crumple right there, and never get back up again.

“He’s stable at the moment, but-”

“Can we see him?” She’s surprised she spoke, but she has to see him, has to know he’s still alive. The man shakes his head, though, and she sucks it back in, the emotions, the pain…

“We are carefully watching him to make certain he’s not bleeding anywhere else. Once we have passed the three hour mark, he will be placed into a bacta tank for a round of twelve hours. From there, we will assess once more before moving forward.”

Nothing about waking him up. Nothing about seeing him. Nothing about his chances. 

“You may sit with him, while he is in bacta, but after that, you will have to wait until we have completed our next assessment. He may need more surgery, or more rounds of bacta. We simply won’t know until after he comes from the bacta, if he even makes it there.”

_ If he even makes it there _ . Because Cassian might not live long enough.

She’s swaying in place, not even realizing it, until there’s a hand on her arm, and she’s ripping herself away, because it’s unfamiliar, it’s a stranger, someone she doesn’t know, and it isn’t her team, it isn’t home, it isn’t Cassian, and she can’t - she can’t have someone touch her right now.

The back of her bad leg hits a chair, and she sinks down into it hard. Even if she had slept nine hours, it wasn’t enough - nowhere near enough. She’s so tired, so weary, and a part of her soul is breaking in two, because even though he had survived a twelve hour surgery, Cassian still might die.

The blood that painted the room beside them was his.

It’s too much. All of it too much. The weariness hits her like a tauntaun, and she feels herself swaying in the chair, even, the room growing dark. Bodhi… he would be in surgery soon, if he wasn’t already. If Chirrut’s surgery was done. Was Chirrut even still alive? Baze, she hadn’t checked on Baze.

_ This is the daughter of Cassian Andor. _

She hadn’t even asked Kay about Eura, even if the droid had brought her up. She hadn’t asked where she was, if she knew how bad Cassian was, if she had heard the message. There was a message for her, Kay had said - a message she didn’t want to hear, because she wasn’t strong enough, she couldn’t take it. Kay could keep his damn message, and Cassian -

He had to live. Cassian had to live, because she couldn’t do this alone, she couldn’t track down the data chip, she couldn’t take care of Bodhi, she couldn’t help Baze and Chirrut, she couldn’t - she couldn’t take care of his daughter.

She’s fading fast, eyes unable to stay open, but her heart is racing, and she… she can’t stand, can’t even fight the hands on her, the surgeon, and he’s poking at her leg, which has her taking in a heavy gasp at the pain - the bacta really had worn off, then.

“2Med, half a round of Somatoll. Think you can carry her back to her room, K-2, or should I have a medic come with a chair? She’s dead on her feet. Needs better sleep than this room, and she can’t just stay here. Honestly, who authorized her to even walk on this leg…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR 1: Cassian is in surgery, and they are removing his spleen, and removing the blood from his lungs. It's very messy, and Jyn ends up throwing up because of it. Kay assures her that everything is actually going as well as can be expected, but he won't tell Jyn as to whether or not he thinks Cassian will survive.  
> TL;DR 2: The surgical staff are all passed out in the room, but Cassian is gone, and it looks really rough in there because blood.
> 
> Chapter 4 will be Jyn waking up in medical, and finally getting to talk to Eura! It's already written, and will be posted Sunday.
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _After reading the details behind Eura’s origin, from the fact that she was born from a relationship Cassian had held undercover, through the fact that she was adopted by Rebels, and Cassian regularly visited, until eventually bringing her to Yavin 4, Jyn tries to process it all. She’s shocked at this development, but she knows she can’t leave until Cassian wakes up. She’s taken to view the surgery, but the reality of his injuries is too hard for her to handle. Instead, she falls asleep while Kay watches the surgery, and when she wakes up, the fact that Cassian is still in danger becomes too much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Cassian is really injured, and Jyn finally gets to see him, and Chirrut as well.

It’s strange, to wake up somewhere entirely unfamiliar, particularly when she had slept like the dead. Her life had been filled with sleeping in strange places, but she always slept with one eye open, her back to a wall, with a blaster in one hand, and her necklace in the other. This time, when Jyn wakes up, she’s in a room on a hospital bed, her leg aching and throbbing, and she feels like she has been drugged.

Oh right. She has.

Letting out a groan, she realizes what what had woken her up was a knocking at the door, the door to the room that she had come to originally. Her clothes, cut up as they were, were still sitting on the chair, and the datapad was sitting on top of them. She would have to find new clothes today, and somewhere to stay, because she suspected she would not be allowed to remain her much longer. Something to talk to the Senator, then, whenever she showed back up.

The door opened after another knock, and in came a medic, someone different from last night. This one looked much fresher, and had a tray with them - right, her leg. Bacta treatment. Made sense.

“How long was I out?” she asks, because there’s no clock again, and she wasn’t entirely sure when she fell asleep - just that Cassian had survived the surgery. Right. Cassian. “Where is Cassian?”

“About four hours,” the medic chirps, and that’s about all she has to say. “We’re not to talk to you about Captain Andor’s condition, except to confirm that he’s alive. You have to get your treatment first, and then you can go see him.”

Right. The girl must have been told about where, exactly, she had been when she was knocked out.

Getting the pants down was hard, given how sore she felt, but the medic helped her, exposing the dressing from the night before. Gritting her teeth, Jyn watched as the dressing was pulled back, and the area cleaned. It certainly looked a lot better than it had the night before, but the skin was raw, now, and everything hurt. Even the bacta stung, at first, but then the coolness sunk in.

The area was covered once more, and then she was being helped to get her clothing up - she really did need to get a change of clothes.

“I know that most of your stuff is ruined, but you can’t exactly be walking around with it. I have a bag for you to put your things in, nothing much, but until you get assigned a room, or whatever they’re doing with you, you should have something. Oh, and you have visitors!”

Right. The Senator. Or the General. Either one could want to talk to her. Jyn accepted the bag and climbed off the table, sliding her things, including the data pad, inside. Tying it shut, she followed the medic to the door, only to be surprised by a different set of visitors.

A droid and a little girl.

“I’ll leave you to it. Just leave the door open when you go. K-2 knows where to go to visit your Captain.”

Jyn barely gave her a nod, instead having her eyes caught on the child. Having slept over twelve hours, Jyn was looking at the girl with new eyes. Definitely Cassian’s daughter - even without the picture, she could see it, knew it was her. The eyes were the same, her chin, even the way that she was studying Jyn now… It was almost eery.

“Are you free to leave, then? We came to collect you so that we can go to the treatment room together.”

Jyn looks up from the girl towards Kay, who is now staring at her, waiting for an answer. Blinking, Jyn gives a nod, then forces her eyes back to the girl, who is studying her.

“Hello, there. My name is Jyn,” she says with a smile, and she looks at what the girl is holding tight in one hand - a stuffed doll, with paintings that matched Kay’s former body. It reminded her of one she had had a long time ago, stuffed into her bag before she escaped Lah’mu. It had been destroyed after the Partisans had to make a quick escape when she was 12. She thinks of it now. Thinks of her Papa, who had made it for her. “I see you have a droid. I had one like that when I was your age.”

“My Papa made it for me,” comes a crystal clear voice, and Jyn is surprised that the child’s accent is more like hers than Cassian’s, coming from a Core world. Right, because she had been with a pair of spies the early years of her life. “He made it for me so that I would know if it was my Kay, so that I could trust him.”

Big eyes turn to look at Kay, but Jyn is still watching the girl, wishing she could lower herself to the girl’s level - but her leg isn’t strong enough, and she won’t push the bacta to do anymore than it already is.

“Kay sounds funny, now, and his markings are not the same. I told him he should let me paint him, to fix him, but he said we have to wait for Papa. I wish he at least sounded the same.”

Jyn’s eyes finally did move up to Kay, to see the droid looking down at the girl with a look that she could only call as fondness. If it was possible for him to smile, he was smiling now.

“How about I have a look at the voice program after we visit your Papa?” Kay’s mechanics are sharp as his gaze swings to her, and Jyn raises her chin slightly - she was the daughter of a genius. Of course she knew how to work on Droids. “But we shall have to leave his appearance for your Papa to fix once he is awake.”

The girl is studying her, and she knows that Eura is trying to decide whether or not she likes Jyn, but then there’s a smile, and Jyn - her breath catches, because it looks like Cassian, just like Cassian in the few moments they shared a smile, and it hurts -

_My Papa made it for me._

“I’m Eura Andor. My Papa said that I could trust you, that you would take care of me. Are you going to take care of me, Jyn Erso? I’ve tried to tell Papa that I don’t need anyone looking after me, but I’m not tall enough to fly a ship by myself, yet, so I think I will keep you, then, so long as you can fly.”

She can’t help it, and it’s so foreign, a sound that hasn’t passed her lips in so long - Jyn laughs. This tiny child, so small… she’s so like Jyn, a look in her eyes that says she has matured far more than she should have to, that she understands, that she knows the world they are in - but while Jyn was a quiet child, one that studied and analyzed, this child talks and says as she wants… the difference between a child raised by a quiet scientist and a commanding captain.

“I can fly,” Jyn says with a smile, and she looks up at Kay with eyes that carry far more pain than they should. “And while you may not need taking care of, I certainly do. I’m hoping you can show me around the base, perhaps? I’m going to need a change of clothes, and somewhere to stay.”

“Oh, that’s already taken care of!” Eura says, and her voice is so bright, so proud of herself. There’s no further explanation, because then, the girl is reaching up and grabbing the hand of the droid beside her, only just barely reaching, tugging on it slightly.

“Can we go see Papa now?”

 

* * *

 

Jyn isn’t prepared for visiting the treatment room. Not really. She had never seen a bacta tank before, the price too high, too much of a luxury, but now she stands in a room with two tanks, side by side, both occupied. In one is Chirrut, his body covered in healing blaster wounds and a long cut up his abdomen, but he looks far better than he had when she had last seen him. He actually looked better than Cassian, which was saying something.

She can’t even look at Cassian. Everywhere she sees on him, he looks horrible, angry bruises that hadn’t healed after two hours in the tank, and cuts and scars all over him. He looked thinner than before, although his stomach was swelling, likely from the surgery. He looked… she didn’t want to see this, and neither should Eura.

The child had taken two looks at her father, and then turned away, not able to see anymore. Jyn understood, and immediately went to her, crouching down despite the pain. Taking both of her hands, Jyn squeezed them, and smiled a little.

“I know he looks different, but it’s because he’s getting better. It’s a lot to ask, but you have to be brave. Do you trust me?” The girl gave a few shaky nods, tears in the corner of her eyes, and Jyn remembers being her age - they had been on Lah’mu for four years at that point, the only home Jyn could truly remember with her family - two years before had been their escape, and she had never been so afraid. She was two years older than Eura when she lost her parents.

“Your father is in there to heal, and the doctors are doing everything they can to help him. We’ll talk to the doctors about how he is, and then we’ll visit again once he’s out, alright?”

A few more jerky nods, and then Jyn was looking over towards Kay, who was studying the machines. Eura was still staring at the floor, back towards her father, so Jyn looked around, finding a chair. She couldn’t stay like this, crouched down, and released one of Eura’s hands - she tried to pull the other as well, but the girl had a tight hold on it. Jyn pushed herself up and maintained the grasp, moving towards a chair. Sitting in it hurt, but then she had a six year old climbing up to sit -

Jyn tried to not make a noise, tried to not wince, and once the girl was settled, it was alright. How big were six year olds supposed to be? She felt lighter than she should, but heavy, given Jyn’s injury.

Eura’s face was still away from Cassian, pressed into Jyn’s shoulder, and she didn’t know what to do - what kind of pain had she endured that, already, she was clinging to a relative stranger? What had Cassian said, to make Eura trust her this much?”

It felt awkward, wrapping her arm around the girl, holding her tight, but she did so, pointedly ignoring Cassian and instead watching his droid.

After a few minutes, Kay moved over towards the other machine, the one that was monitoring Chirrut. Jyn realized, after a moment, that Baze wasn’t here. Surprising - she had thought nothing would tear the two apart. She would have to ask, to find out where the Guardian was.

And Bodhi. She should ask about Bodhi.

When they had walked through the treatment area, most of the beds had been emptied, save for a few who were getting bacta treatments. That meant most of her team was well enough to at least leave the medical wing. Just those that had been in the thick of it truly remained.

“Jyn?” It’s the softest little voice, muffled by the coarse material that Jyn is wearing, but Jyn looks down at the girl, eyes flicking over her in question.

“Yes?”

Eura is studying her in a way that says she can read her, and Jyn recognizes immediately that it’s just like Cassian. Just like him, in an eerie yet familiar way. There was a moment of silence between the two, and then Eura finally asked - and force, she was just like Jyn as well. Asking that which she doesn’t want to know the answer to, but also needing the answer all the same.

“What happened to my Papa?”

Kay is turning to look at them both as Jyn’s eyes flick up to the droid, and they share a long look before Jyn looks down at the girl, curled up in her arms and clinging to her chest. Jyn tries to look anywhere else for a moment, before finally asking something she wanted to know - something she had been too afraid to ask as well.

“Before he left, what did your Papa tell you? You mentioned that he said I would take care of you, but the mission itself. What did he say?”

“That there were bad men that would destroy half the galaxy if he didn’t go and stop them.” The answer comes out very clear, very crisp, likely because she had been repeating the words back to herself. Jyn knew that feeling, had done so herself, time and again.

_I love you, Stardust._

_What I do, I do to protect you._

_Trust the Force._

“We stopped them,” Jyn said with a smile. It was half a lie, but Eura was too young to understand that Cassian had done his duty, but others had failed. Besides, Krennic was dead and the plans were destroyed. They had done something at least.

“And so he was hurt stopping them?”

Jyn nods and smiles tightly, because yes, Cassian was injured trying to stop Krennic, to stop the Death Star, to save the galaxy, but also so much more - “He was hurt keeping me safe, so that I could complete the mission.”

There’s an odd look on the girl’s face, one which Jyn can’t quite place, and she wants to ask, but if the child is anything like her father, Jyn suspects she wouldn’t get an answer. Better to wait until she was ready to say-

“He said that he would make sure you got home, because I had to meet you.” Jyn says nothing for a moment, sucking in a breath. “He told me that, when he got back, he was going to introduce us… and that we had to convince you to stay. He told me that he trusted you, that I should trust you.”

She’s blinking back tears she didn’t know she had, deep in her eyes, and then Jyn gave a nod. Cassian had made sure she survived, that she made it back here, back to base, back to… back to his daughter. If Jyn had known of this little girl, well, she still would have sacrificed herself for the mission, but she would have kept Cassian from going. This girl needed her father far more than she needed a stranger.

“We trusted each other,” Jyn says after a moment, and her gaze flicks to the bacta tank, holding the man that she trusted, that had fought for her, sacrificed himself for her… he had left his daughter into her care.

_“Jyn, there’s something I have to tell you.”_

_“What? What is it? Can it… it can wait, Cassian, until after we have the plans.”_

_“No, Jyn, there’s something… it’s important-”_

_“HURRY UP! It shouldn’t take this long to get the ship manifest. You two need to get out here and go, before anyone asks questions.”_

“Are you going to stay? Do we get to keep you?”

Jyn hadn’t realized she had been thinking back to those last few minutes on Rogue One, when both she and Cassian had been quickly putting on the clothes of the officer and the deathtrooper that they had killed when they came on board. There hadn’t really been time, and Jyn hadn’t been ready for any last words - she wouldn’t hear them, because she had to believe in this mission, that they would succeed.

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me,” she promises, and her gaze flicks to Kay, who is watching her as well. Jyn pulls a tight smile over her lips for a moment, and then tightens her hold on Eura, because really, she can’t let this little girl go. Not when she has no one else.

“That’s good,” Eura says, and then she’s quiet again.

Jyn looks over towards Kay again, and the droid is returning to stand beside them. There’s a long quiet moment, and then he finally speaks. “Do you want to know the percentage?”

“No,” she says a little harshly - she can’t hear it. “Chirrut. Are his… vital signs, or whatever. Are they acceptable?”

“Chirrut Imwe is doing better than expected, given his age and the level of damage. He has a sixty percent chance of full recovery.” She didn’t like those numbers, but- “There’s a thirty-five percent chance that he will have some pain in his left arm.”

And a five percent chance he died. She could work with that. Far better than he was at when Baze had carried him off their transport.

“Is _he_ doing better or worse than expected?”

There’s a long pause, as though Kay is running the numbers, over and over again, before he finally speaks. “I have no statistics to compare this to. At present, it is surprising that he made it into the tank. We will have to ask the Doctor.”

Except that none of the doctors were looking at them - two were looking at charts, and a third was asleep in a chair. Well then.

“They are waiting for General Draven,” Kay informed her eventually. “He is Cassian’s point of contact, as his Superior Officer. Once he arrives, they will tell all of us.”

“I thought you were the point of contact?” Jyn asks, raising an eyebrow - Eura wasn’t saying anything, but Jyn hadn’t forgotten the girl was in her arms. She was listening, waiting to see what the adults said - if they said something that would upset her.

“Temporarily. I believe that General Draven intends to make a permanent change today, however.”

Jyn gave a nod, and then she looks down to see that Kay was offering her something - it was the doll. Eura must have dropped it when Jyn had taken her hands to comfort her when they first walked in.

Accepting the doll from Kay, she studied it for a moment, then offered it to the little girl. She took it and wrapped it up in her arms tight, and Jyn smiled. A Kay doll. Cassian had made her a Kay doll.

“Were you simply saying what you did to comfort Eura, or do you know how to alter the voice programming on this body?”

Jyn raised an eyebrow as she looked over at Kay. Her records said what they did about her illegal activities and who her father was, but there was apparently a lot missing. “I’m mildly insulted. Changing the voice programming should be relatively easy. We can work on it while you assist me with writing my report.”

There’s a pause, and then another set of whirling. “That will be acceptable.”

 

* * *

  

They’re sitting there long enough that Eura falls asleep, and so does Jyn’s arm. Not the one in the cast, of course. It’s starting to ache, and she wants the cast off, wants to scratch at it, but then that would take her annoyance from something pitiful and put her attention back onto her leg. She’s ready to be clean, to be in her own clothes, to maybe use the bathroom, but she won’t move this little girl for anything.

When the General comes in, he’s flanked by two Doctors and a very angry Baze Malbus, who immediately goes to the bacta tank, both hands on it as though he can reach through and touch Chirrut.

“And see that he has a bed as well. I know, you don’t have space for him, but it’s either give him a bed, or let him sleep on the floor in the way - ah, there you are.”

She knows that his attention has come to the three of them, Kay standing at her side, Eura asleep in her arms, and Jyn shifts a little, sitting up straighter. The General has paused and is now looking the group over, and then his eyes are on Eura. Jyn’s grip goes a little tighter, even has her arm tingles, and she lifts her chin, waiting for him to say something. After a long moment, he gives her a nod, and then turns back towards the Doctors.

“As for Sergeant Erso, given that Captain Andor is in treatment, she is the Commanding Officer for everyone that fought in the Battle of Scarif on the ground. She is now the Point of Contact for anyone injured in the assault, excluding the Guardian, as previously discussed.” There’s a doctor flipping through a datapad, and then the General is signing it.

That means Bodhi. That means that she can ask about Bodhi, and find out how many lived, she can thank them - Melshi had still been in the treatment room, and his leg looked bad. She should check on him as well. Tonc… she had seen him as well. She would go check on them, had a right to. General Draven was doing that for her.

“And, Captain Andor? Your previous orders was that the droid known as K-2SO would be the temporary Point of Contact until Captain Andor was placed into the bacta tank.”

The General hums, and she sits up as he looks at her, then looks at Eura. She realizes, now, why Kay was temporarily the person in charge of Cassian’s care. It wasn’t because General Draven intended on keeping control. It was because he intended on giving it to her.

“Sergeant Erso will also be placed in command of Captain Andor’s care, but if she becomes a pain in the ass, feel free to contact me. That means no _borrowing_ a shuttle or putting together a team of my best.”

Jyn scoffs before she can stop herself, then looks back to the tank. He’s just… floating there, in the water, a breathing mask on his face, his body only barely covered, all of his wounds exposed. She wants to ask, to know what would happen next, to know how bad it is, without Kay giving her a percentage, because damn the odds, they were better than that, but - she’s now the point of contact. She’s now the one that makes decisions in regards to Cassian’s medical care. She can ask.

“How is he?” she asks, looking to the doctor. Her gaze goes down to Eura, who’s still asleep, but that won’t last for long. “The surgeon said he would go into bacta if he survived the post-surgery watch, and now he’s in. Will there be another surgery? Will he wake up after this?”

She knows how bacta works, know that it increases the rate of healing - the heavier the concentration, the quicker you are healed, but it doesn’t work miracles. Cassian had been… _dead_. He’s still getting blood, still has numerous lines attached to him outside of the tank, and there’s more bruising than there is skin at this point.

“Captain Andor suffered numerous breaks to his rib and spine. These can only be treated with time, and the bacta. As for the blaster wound, it has been cleaned and will be healed within the week. There was also blood on his lungs, which we alleviated, and we will continue to monitor his breathing.”

There’s more. Of course there’s more. She knows that they removed his spleen, that it had been the cause of a bulk of the bleeding, but there’s also his head. He had barely been able to keep his eyes open, had only made the shot on Krennic out of pure luck. A head injury… that was just as dangerous.

“We also had to remove his spleen. There was a substantial amount of bleeding in the abdomen, which is what we were watching for after the surgery. That will take time, and perhaps a second surgery. We just can’t know how his body will heal, and he had numerous old injuries that were made worse. In particular, his spine…”

“Are you saying he won’t walk again?” she asked quickly, and perhaps her voice went a little higher than it should, but she knew Cassian would lose his mind if he was trapped to a chair.

“I’m saying it will take a long time until he can run again, but there was a response when we tested him.” There’s another pause, and she waits, knows that… knows what’s left.

“Is there any brain activity?”

There it is. General Draven had been able to ask when she could not. The Doctor is very quiet, then gives a nod. “That’s the largest concern. The lack of oxygen, the trauma to his body, there was also swelling in his brain… We won’t know until we wake him up in a few hours.”

Jyn raises an eyebrow and then looks to Kay, and then the General. Why would they wake him up in a few hours? “You mean, you intend to wake him up in this condition? The pain alone -”

“We have to check brain function,” the doctor said quickly, interrupting her. “He needs to come off of the surgical meds, just enough we can check for brain function. Once he’s aware, we’ll keep him sedated and comfortable, unless he has to have another surgery, at which point we would shift his medicine again.”

She sucks in a sharp breath, disturbing Eura, who begins to wake against her chest. “I want to talk to him, when he wakes up.”

She had to tell him that they had sent the plans, that they were taken, that she saw his message, that he should have told her, that _she would take Eura and run_. She needed to look him in the eyes, she needed to thank him, she needed - she needed him to look at her when she told him that she needed him to live.

“I am afraid that will not be possible. We will need him to be kept as calm as possible, so he doesn’t injure himself further. He will only be awake long enough for us to confirm that he _will_ wake up. He will be in a substantial amount of pain-”

“I don’t care,” she says interrupting the doctor, and looks to General Draven. “I don’t care. I want to be there when he wakes up.”

Eura is awake, now, and Jyn wants to stand up, to swing her fists, to hit something, to yell, to just do _something_ \- but instead, she is at their mercy, because if they say no, what can she even do?

“After he is removed from bacta, before we wake him up, we can discuss this again,” the doctor says. It’s… something. Better than she had before.

“Is my Papa awake now?” Eura asks, and Jyn shakes her head, looking down at the girl.

“Not yet. Soon.” She looks up at the doctor, chin raised, waiting for an answer. “How soon?”

“Tonight. He has eight more hours in bacta, and will then be moved to the ICU. You can see him after he is settled.”

Jyn gives another nod, and then looks down at Eura, who is watching her. “Can we go? I don’t want to see Papa like this anymore.”

There’s a thin smile on Jyn’s lips, and then she looks up at Kay. She needs to ask about Bodhi, still, needs to visit the others that are in medical, needs to talk to Baze, who has taken up residence in a chair beside the tank, needs to talk to the General… and the Senator. She still needs to find the Senator.

“Kay, can you take Eura back to her room? She said that you had clothes for me. I can come find you after I talk with General Draven?”

“No, I want to stay with you!” Eura asks, and Jyn smiles as she looks down at the girl, brushing her hair back from her face.

“What did I say? I said that I’m with you. I promise. I just need to ask about some more of my friends, make certain they are doing alright. I need you to do as I ask, okay? Trust me. I’ll be there soon.”

There’s a bit of silence, and then Eura nods and reaches towards Kay. The droid takes her from Jyn’s arms, and she watches the pair leave the treatment room, out into the hallway. Silence settles for a moment, and then she puts her good hand on the arm rest, pushing herself up. Her legs are asleep, now, and the numbness bites into her aching body.

“Are you planning to break your promise to that little girl?”

There’s no malice in his words only concern, and Jyn looks up at the General, forming her words before she responds. “No. Whatever happens, she’s my responsibility now. I’ll take her with me, if I go, or I’ll stay, because she asked me to.”

Because that little girl had no home, and neither did Jyn - not without Cassian.

General Draven gives her another nod, then spares a glance towards the Doctor, and finally, to the bacta tank. Her own eyes are drawn there, but she can see, out of the corner of her eye, that Draven is looking at her, ready to say something. Eventually, he seems to settle on saying nothing at all.

Jyn doesn’t look away from Cassian to watch him leave.

 

* * *

  

It takes a long time for Jyn to finally move from where she’s sitting, and when she does, she makes her way to the tank. Her hand spreads on the glass, and she wants to reach through it, to touch him, to grab Cassian’s hand and hold tight to it, to whisper to him that she was here with him. She wanted to tell him everything, that she trusted him, that she was with him all the way, that they had done it, that they had succeeded, that she would get the plans back, that - that Eura was with her, and she would take care of his little girl, and that she - that a part of her was breaking because he had been beside her every step of the way and now he was trapped and she couldn’t reach him.

Her hand reaches for the kyber necklace at her throat, and then she realizes it isn’t there. It’s the first time she has gone for it since they were back on base, and for a moment, Jyn panics - until she remembers, when Kay had set Cassian down on the shuttle, that Cassian had reached for her, grabbed the necklace, clung to the crystal. She had slipped it from around her neck, wrapped her hands around Cassian’s, and kissed his knuckles.

The smile he had given her… it was one of bliss, of happiness, of peace, and then he had closed his eyes. Jyn could only hope, now, that it hadn’t been for the last time.

Her eyes close for a moment as her head bows, and she tries to shut out her own thoughts, because they’re choking her, and she has to stay strong, has to go find Eura, has to… she still has to talk to the Senator, and make a decision about her future. She has to figure out what she can do to find the plans. She has to-

There’s whispering, muttering, soft little gasps, and Jyn realizes, after a moment, that it’s _praying_. Her eyes open and she turns to look, seeing something that truly breaks her heart, that destroys her, because she might not know Baze Malbus as well as she wishes she did, but seeing the large man on his knees, both hands pressed to the tank, a prayer to the Force escaping his lips…

She takes a few stumbling steps to him and then hits her knees on the ground, hard, because seeing him struggling to continue on, her strength leaves her as well. Her arms go around him and he lets go of the tank long enough to pull her to him, and she realizes, in horror, that he’s crying. He’s crying, and begging the Force to return Chirrut to him.

They say nothing for a long time, Jyn wrapping her arms around his body, one of his arms wrapped around her, the other hand pressed to the tank. They stay there until a doctor finally comes in to talk to them about Chirrut.

It’s nothing short of a miracle. None of the blaster shots had damaged anything vital, otherwise, he would have died in transport. The only real concern was his age, that his body would take a long time to heal. Baze had remained stone faced, but Jyn… she could finally smile a little.

“I guarantee that when he wakes up, the first thing he’s going to say is that he can’t see.”

Baze barks out a laugh, and she knows he’s covering up a sob, but when he pulls away, she lets him go, and steps away with the doctor to ask after Bodhi.

“He’s still in surgery,” the woman tells her, and Jyn smiles tightly, Still in surgery meant a good thing, she thought.

“He mentioned, before he went in, that he might… that he might fly again.” She knows that that’s important to Bodhi, and maybe now isn’t the time to ask, but she needs good news. Really really good news.

“It will be a long process,” the doctor says slowly. “He’ll need a second surgery in at least a week, maybe a third. We have access to some of the best in the galaxy working with prosthetics.”

Jyn nods, and presses her lips together, because there’s more. “He was also… you may want to have someone look at his brain.”

The woman raises her brow, questioning, and Jyn continues. “There was something done to him, a cruel form of torture. A bor gullet…”

There’s a brief moment of horror, and then a bit of understanding. Right, because no one should ever use one of them. Not even the alliance would stoop to that level, and momentarily, Jyn hates Saw for using it on someone as gentle as Bodhi… but she knew the reasons. She understood the cost of war.

“Right, well, we have had limited experience with the after effects, but we can find someone that does. Thank you for informing us now.”

Jyn nods and smiles tightly, then looks back at Baze. He’s no longer on his knees, but he is clinging to the tank, unable to tear himself away.

“Is there anything else, Sergeant?”

 _She’s not a Sergeant_ , Jyn wants to say, but she is, or maybe - she doesn’t know. Not yet. Not really. Maybe, but she won’t correct the doctor now. “No. If there’s any change to any of my team’s conditions, I want to be informed. You can reach me through his droid.”

She doesn’t exactly have a comm unit, but droids on this base seem to have an easy way to contact one another no matter where they are on the base.

“Of course, Sergeant Erso. If you’ll excuse me-”

Jyn is left standing there alone. She wants to stay, to stay with Cassian, with Baze, to wait for Bodhi, to check on every member of her team, but she… she has to get out of these clothes and she has to find Eura and she… she needs to eat something, before she faints.

When Jyn finds her way out of Medical, carrying her clothes, she’s surprised to see a very bored looking Private standing against the wall, arms crossed and looking bored. When she steps out, though, he straightens up immediately, almost to some sort of attention, and she gives him a glance - he’s here for her, she already knows.

“General Draven sent me to escort you to your rooms, Sergeant Erso, and to bring you these” he says, and Jyn blinks as the Private offers her two data pads - she’ll look at them in a few moments. Again, she wants to correct that she’s not really a Sergeant, but given that General Draven knows that her decision rests on whether or not Cassian lives, and the fact that they both want him to… she’ll let it go.

“I need to go to Captain Andor’s room,” Jyn says, because Eura is waiting for her, and okay yes she wants her own room and her own clothes, but Eura was expecting her. The little girl could go with her in a few.

“That’s what I said,” the Private says, giving her a funny look. “General Draven said that you would be sharing Captain Andor’s _rooms_ while he was still in medical.”

Jyn lets out a little hum, because alright then, she was pleased to know that the General understood her bond with Eura, but also because she’s not sure what to think about the fact that her room was now Cassian’s. And, she didn’t miss the fact that it was plural.

“Very well, then. Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 will be Jyn finally getting out of medical, and having a few VERY important conversations. It will be up on Wednesday, which is my BIRTHDAY!
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Jyn wakes up in medical, and she’s sore and she hurts, but Kay and Eura are waiting for her. She joins them in the bacta room, seeing Cassian floating, having survived the post-op wait. The doctor has both good news and bad news, and General Draven makes Jyn Cassian’s Point of Contact. Even Bodhi is doing well… Jyn would probably feel better if Baze wasn’t praying, though. She ends up leaving medical, and receives an escort to Cassian’s rooms, which the Private very quickly informs her is also Jyn’s new rooms._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Towards the end, Jyn nearly has a panic attack.

She hadn’t really been very far on the base, the first time she was here - first, it was a room that was more like a cell, and then the command center. Both times, the same rooms, and then straight back to the hanger. She hadn’t even visited the Quartermaster, as Cassian had brought her everything she needed, but she’s a quick study, can recognize the signs as she walks. The hallway that she eventually ends up on is exceptionally quiet, with no one else on it. Officers Quarters, to be certain, and she noticed the space between doorways. These were not just Officers Quarters. This was higher ranking officers.

The door they stop in front of is just like all the others, and she waits until the Private coughs, and points to the datapads. She turns the top one on, and her brow furrows, because there’s a code there, and she realizes what it is. It’s the room code. She could have spliced her way in, of course, but she inputs the code, and watches as the door swings open.

“Will you be needing anything else, Sergeant?” the Private asks, and she shakes her head no, because she can hear Kay’s voice from somewhere within the room, and he’ll get her where she needs to go, probably.

The Private is still staring at her, though, and she realizes after a moment what it is. He needs to be excused, because while she isn’t an officer, she is a higher rank than him. “Dismissed.”

She receives a nod in response and then he is off, and Jyn is still paused outside of the door. She doesn’t go in for a long moment, taking it in. The room is very organized and put together, a charging station for Kay, a desk with a few books, a closet with jackets and uniforms, and a small set of drawers. She steps in, and then sees a box sitting on the chair beside the desk, and a door to one side that seems to lead to a private refresher.

There’s another room on the opposite side, and when Jyn shuts the door to the set of rooms behind her, Eura’s head pops out. She’s all smiles, and runs forward to grab Jyn’s hand. There’s clearly relief written on her face, but Jyn had said she was coming. Right there, she makes a vow to always keep her promises, no matter how big or small, to always come back for this little girl, so she never had to be worried again.

“Come on, Jyn! They brought things for you!”

Jyn only has enough time to drop her bag of clothing onto the desk before Eura is taking the lid off of the box, showing her what’s inside. It’s surprising, to see clothing in there that is clearly not made for a man, and Jyn begins to pull out piece by piece, fingers spreading over the fabric, holding each piece up.

It’s nothing much, but it’s so much more than she has ever had, several sets of undergarments that actually look new, a few different pairs of pants in dark colors, a few shirts in the same colors, and undershirts that will cling tight to her skin but provide an extra layer. There’s even another vest, and while her old one wasn’t cut or damaged, it is old and worn. The belt looks used, but the leather is soft, and there’s another holster.

The socks… she might just cry over the socks that she finds. Each pair is strong, thick, like they could keep her feet warm or cool, dry, no holes in them. Her own boots had been falling apart, and the pair in the bottom of the box are military issue and brand new. She’s never had brand new boots before.

Everything she needs is here, including a small bag of toiletries, and she’s not going to cry, but it’s the first time in so long that Jyn has had anything new, that anyone has cared enough to give her something like this, and she feels like she’s human, like she matters. Was this the Senator trying to convince Jyn to stay with the rebellion, or was this simply human decency.

“Oooo, I recognize this!” Eura says, and Jyn looks up to see what it is - it’s her scarf. Well, not hers. Cassian had given it to her, when they had left for Jedha, to hide her face, to help with the dust. Why would Eura recognize this? “Papa had this in his trunks! He came and grabbed it before he left a few weeks ago!”

This was Cassian’s? Why had he given it to her, a relative stranger? She wouldn’t even try to figure out why he had a scarf like that in his things, and she doesn’t even remember when she took it off - sometime after Eadu but before she went before the Council. Had he kept this, or had the Senator found it?

“He let me use it when we went to Jedha,” Jyn says, and she fingers it now. Before, she had only had one side of it exposed, the darker gray, but when she flips it over, she can see the intricate stitching. She had thought it pretty the first time she saw it, although impractical. Now, she sees it with a new light.

Eura’s very quiet, suddenly, and Jyn looks down at her, sitting on the edge of the bed. “They said that Jedha was destroyed. Why would anyone destroy a planet?”

Jyn lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in, and slowly sinks down to sit on the bed, still holding the scarf. There’s a long bit of silence before she finally answers.

“That’s why your Papa had to go fight. Because we had to stop the bad men from destroying anywhere else. We were on a place called _Scarif_. They tried to destroy it while we were still there, but we escaped.” She wouldn’t mention how close they had come to dying on Jedha as well. “Evil men exist in the universe, but we’re going to stop them.”

Jyn finally looks down at the little girl, and there’s a knowledge in her eyes, a wisdom, as though she knows and understands far more than Jyn gives her credit for. Of course she understands - she’s a child of war, the daughter of a rebel. She knew what they were fighting for.

“Papa said that you were going to save the galaxy.”

Jyn smiles a little and gives a nod, because of course he did. Of course Cassian had said that.

“And we did. We got the plans. That’s why we went there, to get the plans for the machine. Your Papa was successful. He saved my life. The mission would have failed without him.”

It surprises Jyn, when Eura suddenly has her arms around her, and Jyn tries to not wince as she pulls the little girl into her arms, holding her tight. Her voice is muffled in Jyn’s shirt, but she understands every word. “I miss my Papa, but I’m glad he was there. I’m happy he met you, Jyn Erso.”

She can hear Kay moving in the room that she hadn’t looked into yet, and Jyn looks up to see the droid standing there, taking in the pair. Jyn pulls a tight smile over her lips as she tightens her hold on Eura Andor. “Me too.”

 

* * *

  

Eura ends up falling asleep in her arms, and it’s only because of Kay that they’re able to get her into her own bed. The door that she hadn’t gone through had ended up leading to Eura’s on private room. It’s the size of Jyn’s cell on Wobani, but it’s perfect for a little girl, and has a little bed, a set of drawers, a closet with dresses and coats, and an open trunk that holds books and toys. There’s touches of Cassian within, how it’s orderly and set about to make use of the space well, but it’s also clearly touched by a little girl, how there’s a small table built of old metal pieces and two chairs beside it, a doll sitting on one of them.

The Kay doll is tucked under Eura’s arm, and the droid himself tucks the little girl into the bed as though he has done this a thousand times, and turns down the light. With the door to her room closed, Jyn takes in a deep breath, then turns to K-2SO, looking for guidance.

“She likes you,” Kay says, and Jyn gives a nod, gulping down her emotions.

“I like her. She’s easy to like.”

“Yes, she is,” the droid says, and then he walks over towards the box, looking inside. “There should be towels in the refresher. You may want to get cleaned and changed. I expect that the Senator will want to talk to you sooner rather than later.”

Jyn gives a nod, but looks to the doorway, towards Eura’s room. “I can just… leave her here, then, by herself, or?”

“I beg your pardon? Do I not count? I will have you know that I have been Eura’s Guardian a number of times, whenever Cassian is off the base.”

Jyn raises an eyebrow, because she knows that Kay goes with him sometimes, including Scarif. “And what about when you’re not here?”

“There is a mechanic with a daughter Eura’s age that agrees to watch her at night. During the day, there is a small school here on base for all rebel children. The education they offer is barely passable, but Cassian and I both educate her when we are with her.”

Jyn snorts, because she can’t imagine either one of them providing a real education, but maybe she was wrong. “What do you teach her? Code breaking and how to sass someone?”

“Eura Andor can speak six languages, including binary, is a more than passable code breaker, can do a number of calculations, and knows basic repairs for the U-Wing.”

Jyn’s eyebrows shoot up in response, because that was… actually a lot more than she expected, and all of it very usable skills. “So the comment that she couldn’t fly by herself…”

“She can’t reach the controls,” Kay says, as though it’s obvious, and that… well then.

“I notice you didn’t mention anything about shooting or hand-to-hand.”

There’s something that sounds like a sniff coming from Kay, and Jyn raises her brow, because clearly there’s a story here.

“Just because Cassian has been fighting since he was that age, does not mean that Eura will be. He has made it explicitly clear that she is not to touch any weapons whatsoever. He teaches her what he has because she is interested, and because it can be a game. War is not a game.”

“You don’t agree.” That much is clear, the way that Kay says it…. Maybe not the war is not a game, bit, but he doesn’t agree with Eura not knowing how to defend herself, and Jyn has to agree. By the time she was eight, she knew how to safely hold a blaster, knew how to run, how to hide. These were important skills for any child being raised in a war.

“You saw her file. When she was three, the couple that Eura lived with, their home was attacked. Cassian was convinced she was dead, even without any proof of bodies. He does not want to have to live through that pain again.”

That would have to change… even if Cassian didn’t agree, Eura shouldn’t be without her defenses. “She can still learn how to safely hold a blaster, how to hide herself and how to run. He might not want her to fight, but she should know how to handle herself.”

There’s a silence, because Jyn is expecting for Cassian to suddenly appear and fight her about this, except he’s currently in a bacta tank fighting for his life, and Jyn was now the guardian of a child she barely knew. It shouldn’t be like this, but that was the reality.

There’s a flashing light on the side of Kay’s head, and then Jyn hears beeping. Right, coms. Kay was receiving a com. She says nothing until the beeping stops, and then takes in a breath.

“The Senator?”

“She would like to see you at your earliest convenience, which means you should get changed. I will leave you to it.” Kay then turns and goes to the charging port, locking himself into place, and she watches as his eyes slowly go dim. She doesn’t understand anything about droids, as her father had had a few for farming, and Saw never trusted them, but she knows enough to know he’s asleep.

There’s too much to think about, but she doesn’t have time to stress about it. She needs to get clean, and when she opens the fresher door, she’s shocked to see that it’s real water, and it’s hot. Climbing inside is a task, because she has to keep her arm dry for another few days, and there’s a layer of plastic on her leg keeping the blaster shot covered, but she maneuvers well enough to wash her hair with one hand, and rinse off her body.

She feels strange, to be so clean. When Jyn had been on Yavin previously, there had been no private fresher, and she wasn’t foolish enough to use the communal freshers. It would have left her exposed, without any defense. Now, though, she lingers under the water just long enough until she feels numb, then climbs out and gets dressed.

The pants are a little long on her, but she can fix that, probably. Everything else fits well, and she pulls on the new vest, leaves behind the holster, and wraps the scarf around her neck, the stitching slightly exposed. Her hair is still wet, but Jyn combs it back with a real comb until it’s in a bun at the base of her neck, a few pieces already escaping.

Fully changed, Jyn goes to ask Kay how to get to the command center, then thinks better of it. He should enjoy a short rest, to process the changes of the base, of his situation, of his new body. She can find her way there, probably -

Or, she doesn’t have to, because there’s a Private standing outside of the door, a different one from earlier. Jyn gives them a nod as she pulls the door shut, and she has both datapads with her, because they might be important, and she hasn’t had a chance to glance at them yet.

“Sergeant,” the Private says, and then turns to head down the hall. Jyn follows two steps behind, as though he’s escorting her rather than leading her, and they don’t stop until she sees a familiar hallway, and then a set of familiar doors. The command center, then. That’s where he’s taking her.

Stepping inside, it looks much like the first time she had been here, a few working at various stations, listening in on the coms, typing away. There’s a few at one of the maps, and General Draven is hovered over a station, headphones pressed to his ear. He glances at her, and gives a nod, but otherwise ignores her.

From the hallway on the other side of the main center, Mon Mothma, wearing her normal robes, steps out, and beckons towards her. Jyn goes around to join the Senator, and there’s an approving look as she glances Jyn over. The uniform isn’t regulation, and she’s not wearing anything with a rebel patch on it, but it’s clear that she approves of Jyn wearing clean clothes, even if she is limping slightly, her right arm is in a cast, and her pants are tucked into her boots as best they can be, given their length.

“You look far more rested than you did last night. I’m so pleased to see that the clothes fit you. Come, we have much to discuss.”

There’s no point in trying to say no, so Jyn follows as they go back to what can only be labelled as a conference room, with a long table, a holoplayer in the middle, and a set of chairs around. There’s a stack of datapads on one side, and two cups of tea, steam rising from the top, sitting beside them.

“I’m pleased to see that you brought both datapads with you. While the one is only of concern to high command, the other, I’m hoping you will be willing to look over.” The senator sits at one of the seats, and then beckons Jyn to join her in the other one. She lingers at the door for a moment, then approaches, sitting down.

“I haven’t had a chance to look at them yet,” Jyn says honestly, and she turns them both on. The room code is still written across one, and she swipes it away to see that it’s a blank report page, save for THE BATTLE OF SCARIF written across the top. Right. This would be for General Draven.

The other turns on, and she begins to see page after page after page appearing on it. She catches a few words here and there, Officer Exam, Alliance Task Group, Galactic Republic, Recruitment Paperwork, Official Assignment - this one contained everything she needed to read, to sign, to agree to join the Rebellion. Of course, a group of Politicians would _love_ their paperwork.

“Jyn, I would like for us to be honest with one another. Are you interested in joining the Rebellion in an official capacity? I understand that in the past, you fought because your guardian headed his own militia, and you fought for us here because of your father, but choosing to fight now, would that be your decision?”

Jyn takes in a slow breath because she hasn’t had time to really think this over, but she already knows the basis of her decision. It takes a long moment before she finally says anything, and only finally does because the top page, the final page on the datapad, has loaded.

NAME: ERSO, JYN  
RANK TO BE ASSIGNED: SERGEANT  
REQUESTED ASSIGNMENT: __________  
  
PREVIOUS OCCUPATION: SMUGGLER  
PREVIOUS OCCUPATION: PARTISAN  
IMPERIAL STATUS: FUGITIVE

KNOWN ALIASES: DAWN, KESTREL | PONTHA, TANITH | HALLIK, LIANA | __________ | __________

RECRUITER: CAPT. ANDOR, CASSIAN J

“I want to fight,” Jyn says, and she looks away from the name, from his name, to look at the Senator. “I have fought for only my survival for a long time, because I knew they were looking for me, because I knew that the rebellion would use me, that the Partisans had left me… but I want to fight. I don’t care about politicians or politics - I cannot live in a galaxy that is being ripped apart by men with a need for power and a thirst for blood.”

But that’s not the answer. Not really. Not the one that Mon wants to hear, and Jyn knows it, because just because Jyn wants to fight, that doesn’t mean she will.

“If Cassian had died, I don’t know. No, I know, I would throw myself into the mission to get back the plans, and likely would die. If he had walked off that shuttle, we would have both stolen back onto it, gone to get the plans.” Instead, he was in a bacta tank, fighting to live, and there was a little girl that needed someone to care for her.

“But you heard the message.” The one that Cassian had left for Eura. “He told Eura to go with me, to run away from this. He saved my life, time and again, and all he asks of me is that I save his daughter? I want to fight, Senator, but I don’t want to throw my life away when someone needs it.”

She would have found peace on Scarif, peace on that beach, but she’s still alive, and Cassian is caught in between, and she won’t leave Eura behind. If that means running to somewhere the alliance would never find them, where the Empire wouldn’t touch, then so be it.

“Should Captain Andor live, would you stay?”

Jyn blinks, because she hadn’t really considered what she would do if he had lived. It was too grand a thought, too much hope, and she hadn’t had much hope in so long, but it had carried her to Scarif… and she had to hope that it would carry her even now.

“I would.”

Senator Mothma smiles at her and gives a nod, because that’s all she needs to hear, apparently.

“Everything you need to sign, need to read, is within this datapad. You may choose your specialty, but I spoke honestly about having you take the Officer tests. We are not like the Republic, which requires special schooling - we know that an Officer is made from their experience and skills, their abilities to lead and make decisions. Special schooling doesn’t teach you how to lead in the field, as you did on Scarif.”

There’s a pause, and she watches as the Senator picks up her cup, takes a sip of it, then sets it back down.

“If Captain Andor should die, then our previous agreement stands. We will give you a new life, with scandocs, and a ship. You can go where you choose… and you may take Eura Andor with you, as was Captain Andor’s last request.”

There’s a _but_ , and Jyn is expecting it, but it never comes. Instead, there’s another sip of tea as Jyn watches and waits.

“Until his condition changes, I ask simply that you submit your report, and read through what has been provided you. I understand that the Doctors expect it to be a few weeks until Captain Andor is fully out of the woods, and at that point, you can make your decision. Until that point in time, you will maintain your previously awarded rank of Sergeant. Agreed?”

Jyn gives a nod, because that… that works for her. It means she can provide for her team, can stay with Eura, that she can leave this place if Cassian dies, that she has a voice and can make a decision… and maybe she’ll consider taking the Officer test. She’s not very good at taking orders, but she can give them.

“Why do you want me to be an officer?” Jyn asks, and maybe it’s an absurd question, but Mon Mothma knew the truth about her, that she was a soldier, that she was a thief, a smuggler. She knew that Jyn had been raised as the daughter of Saw Gerrera, yes, but Jyn was… she was a survivor.

Mon smiles at her, and Jyn is wary of her for a moment, until the Senator flicks her hand toward’s Jyn cup. “Please, drink some tea. This isn’t an interrogation, and I told you, I wanted to speak honestly.”

Jyn does as she’s told, lifting up the cup to her lips, taking a sip. There’s a slight arch to the woman beside her’s eyebrow, and Jyn returns the cup to it’s spot, waiting for an explanation.

“I tell you to take a sip of your drink, and you do so.”

Jyn pauses for a moment before fumbling for a response. “Because… it was a suggestion?” Or maybe it was an order. “It’s just a cup of tea.”

“Yes, but you followed orders, because it was something rational. You are good at taking orders, Jyn, but you fight against command, because you are a realist, but you also have hope. You don’t act because you’re told to. You act because it’s the right thing. We need more like you, that aren’t trapped under the idea that this is still politics. We need people that will do the right thing, but not throw away life to have the mission succeed.”

Jyn doesn’t know how true that is… she had left men behind on Scarif, still alive, still breathing. How did that make her officer quality?

“If you became an officer, you would be the one giving the orders. You have experience leading men, and inspiring them, both as the daughter of Saw Gerrera, but also because you have seen what the Empire can do. Your skills are exceptional, and I think you could truly make a difference. We have too many politicians, too many flyboys that just want to shoot things down, too many guerilla fighters that just want to blow things up, but you…”

There’s a look on Mon Mothma’s face that looks something like wonder, and the woman smiles as she sits back and takes a sip of her tea. “You’re a rebel with a cause, Jyn Erso, and the Empire should be afraid of you.”

 

* * *

 

The Senator hadn’t stayed much longer after that revelation, the two women enjoying their tea for a few minutes longer, and then being pulled away. Jyn had found another Private waiting for her, and was led to General Draven, who had yet another datapad for her. She raised her brow, accepting it, and looked down to see what it was - a map, with a time sheet, a clock, and basic rules and regulations. Right, she was on a military base.

“So you no longer need any assistance in getting around,” the General explained, and she gave a nod of her head.

“Are you expecting me to salute, or should I just call you sir?” she asks with a raise of her brow. She hadn’t joined, not yet, but she and the General had reached some sort of peace between them, and she wouldn’t ruin it over something stupid.

The Private and Corporal sitting at the station beside where the General stood both looked horrified, but she just got a nod, and what looked like a clap on the back - almost. The General withdrew his hand before touching her, and she appreciated it, that he knew better than to touch her. Jyn wasn’t sure what she would do in response, but thankfully, she didn’t have to really figure that out.

“How about we stick with you calling me _General_ , and I call you _Erso_.”

Jyn thought that over for a moment, then gave another nod. That would be acceptable. “Thank you for the information, General.”

He gives another nod, then checks his watch, then looks up at her again, brow raised. “I believe that your pilot, Rook, will be out of surgery by now. Tell him, when he wakes up, that if he passes the test, we’ll make him a Lieutenant.”

Jyn freezes, because surely, General Draven can’t be serious. Who was this man, and what had happened to the bastard that had threatened to throw him back in Wobani?

“Oh, don’t give me that look, Erso. He might have flown for the Empire, but we saw his record. He was a cargo pilot because he was too soft to fly a fighter, didn’t want to hurt anyone. Captain Andor gave us a report of Eadu - he can fly, he can fight. Decision is his… now get out of here before I make you one as well.”

She practically runs out of the command center, because she has enough on her plate, and because Bodhi might be awake, and she had been - there’s a time at the top of the newest datapad, the one that’s leading her back to medical, even if she could figure it out on her own, and she had been gone for over an hour from Eura. She had to get back there before the girl woke up.

It’s entirely different, walking into medical now. Most of the beds were emptied, and she guesses that’s because everyone had either been discharged, or were put into permanent rooms. The droid at the front desk asks for her name, as if she hadn’t just been there that morning, then politely informs her that her bacta treatment isn’t due for another two hours. She just rolls her eyes, and asks for an update on Bodhi.

It takes a few minutes, but then she’s being escorted back to what she is told is the Intensive Care Unit. Right, this was where both Cassian and Chirrut would be placed… and she guesses Bodhi will be here at least until his second surgery. There’s no Doctors in sight, but there is another medic in the room when she steps in, and sees that Bodhi is asleep. Where his hand had once been, it was now covered in bandages, and there’s two lines running into his other arm, with a number of wires attached. He’s more or less asleep, and for that, she’s grateful.

Sinking into the chair beside his bed, she’s surprised when the medic acknowledges her - “It’s going to be another few hours before he’s awake again, Sergeant Erso. He’s on heavy duty painkillers, and they knocked him out as soon as he came round after coming off the anesthetic.” She could leave, could go check on Cassian, on Chirrut, on Baze, but she’s so tired, and she just needs to breathe, to think. There’s too much here, too much going on, and she needs a bag or something to carry these datapads in - well, the one, she’ll be returning to the room, to keep there for late night reading, perhaps. Hopefully, she’ll finish this report as well, and then she’ll just be left with the other, until she learns this base.

Pulling out the mission report, Jyn begins to pull it up. Date… she has no idea what day it even was. Well then. Commanding Officer? Easy. She types in Cassian’s name, and then puts her name underneath, on the line for 2IC. From there, it’s then listing every other name, and she - she doesn’t even know them all. Some of them died out there for her, and she doesn’t know… but she lists every single one she can, and at the bottom adds Guardian Chirrut Imwe, Guardian Baze Malbus, and Lieutenant Bodhi Rook.

From there, it’s filling in other details - which vessel did they take, weapons, and she knows about how many various things they had, but she’ll have to find Melshi… he was in charge of setting off the bombs. Maybe he’ll know. And Kay, Kay would know who else was there with them. Her part of it, she fills out as much as she can, and then all that’s left is the story itself.

The mission was sanctioned, Mon Mothma had said, so Jyn skips over that part, and begins typing out the details, how they had taken the stolen cargo shuttle, how Bodhi had gotten them through the shield, how they had landed. She details killing the deathtrooper and the imperial officer to take their clothing, how they had only gotten so far before realizing they would be caught, how Melshi and the rest of the ground crew had created a distraction.

It practically pours out of her, and Jyn isn’t used to typing on a screen like this, but the words are practically flowing, how Kay had left a copy of himself in the secondary droid with a delayed activation timer, just in case, how they had gone into the vault, and Kay had sealed the door behind them. She notes how they found the file, _Stardust_ , and how she and Cassian had climbed, climbed and climbed, until Krennic has shot Cassian down.

Jyn doesn’t even realize she’s crying until a tear hits the datapad, and she sucks in a breath as she looks at it, before wiping away at the screen and under her eyes. She has to keep going, because if she stops now she’ll never finish - how she had kept climbing, how she had inserted the file, how Cassian had shot Director Krennic, how she had sent the data…

She doesn’t mention the turbolift, how Cassian had clung to her, and how he had been the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She doesn’t mention how at peace she was, ready to die with him, to find a quiet place for her last few moments of life. She doesn’t mention how she had already accepted she wouldn’t leave him behind, even though she was relatively uninjured, and he was dying.

She starts again, though, when the turbolift doors open, and Kay, in his new body, is standing there, ready to catch Cassian. They had hit the beach, and began to run. They had run because deathtroopers and stormtroopers alike were after them, and others had joined them along the way, the last on the beach. Baze had been carrying Chirrut, his weapon left behind, and they had run and run and run, until they found Tonc, screaming for them at the door to a shuttle.

She could see it, as they had run, the Death Star arriving on the horizon. She mentions that it had looked more like a moon than a weapon of mass destruction - and then notes how the drive, tight in her hand, had been shot. Her words are coming up short as she details them all clmbing aboard, leaving behind the ones on the beach that were still alive but couldn’t run, because the weapon had been shot, knocking out the top of the citadel, and there just hadn’t been time.

Kay had flown them off that planet, and they had used every last drop of bacta to keep as many as they could alive which was, coincidentally, everyone on board. Only those that could run, save for Chirrut and Cassian, had made it on board, which meant they were not too injured.

There’s blank spots, for sure, what had happened on the beach, what had happened with Bodhi, so she makes notes at the bottom explaining as best as she actually knew - on the ground, they had provided distractions, drawing out the troopers from the citadel itself, how they had patched into the Alliance communications. She notes how Bodhi’s hand had been blown off, and he had secured them a new ship, but that’s all she knows of his story.

And then she’s left sitting there, her stomach empty, and page after page on the datapad written.

Her tears are all dried up, and Bodhi is still asleep, but she grabs his hand, the one still there, and squeezes it, a promise that she’ll return.

Jyn doesn’t know what she’s doing - she’s not really a Sergeant, even if she has the rank, and she’s not meant to be an officer, even if they want to give her the test. She’s not a parent, not a guardian, even if she has a little girl looking to her for answers. She’s just Jyn Erso, the survivor, but really, Jyn doesn’t know what that is anymore.

But she’s going to figure it out. The past is behind her, and she has a future to look towards, and she’s somehow going to figure it out.

Jyn is turning off the screen on the datapad when there’s a robotic voice coming from just outside of Bodhi’s door, and she stands up to open it, to see what they want.

“Sergeant Erso, it is now time for your treatment, and then, there is a child and a droid requesting your presence. Would you like for them to join you for your treatment, or wait in the waiting room.”

Right, Eura and Kay. Hadn’t it been two hours until her treatment? A glance at the datapad told her that that time had more than passed, and she… she feels faint, but she’ll get food after her leg is treated, because it’s throbbing, and if she doesn’t get a painkiller in her, she’s going to throw up anything she puts in her stomach.

“They can join us,” she says, and follows the droid back down to the treatment area. She’s put behind a curtain so that she can pull off her pants, and she winces as she climbs back onto the bed, pulling the sheet over the rest of her. She’s been walking all over this base, and now, she’s aching. It’s a good thing there’s another treatment, because the edges of the cover is pulling back from her washing, but she wouldn’t take that back for anything.

She’s finally seen by a medic, who is joined by Eura and Kay, and they stand at the foot of the bed, watching as the cover is fully pulled back and her wound exposed. She puts on a brave face as Eura gasps, and really, it’s better than it had been. Most of the scab is coming off, and what’s left beneath is pink skin, new growth, with scars that would never really go away.

“It’s not so bad,” she promises Eura, and by the time a new wrapping is put on it, Jyn is about done with this whole medical thing.

“We can see about checking your cast in two days, Sergeant Erso. If you would like, we can change your cast to a splint, and perhaps give you a secondary bacta treatment. It will be a few weeks until your arm will stop feeling weakness, but we can speed up the process of the bone knitting together.”

Jyn nods, because that sounds good, because she wants the damn thing off, but she says nothing else. Eura and Kay both step out as Jyn pulls her pants back on, and she finds Eura asking about her Papa again.

“He should be out of the tank soon,” Jyn says, surprising them both, and she reaches to Eura with her free hand, datapads left sitting on the bed. Kay grabs those, quickly, so that Jyn can hold on tight to the little girl. “Why don’t we find some food, and then we can come back here and eat?”

Eura nods, then asks a few questions. “Why weren’t you there when I woke up? What did Auntie Mon want? Who were you visiting?”

Jyn smiles, because of course the Senator would be considered Eura’s Aunt, because that made perfect sense. “I’m sorry, Eura. I had to go to a meeting. We were discussing my position with the Rebellion, and I was visiting a friend, Bodhi Rook. He flew the ship for our mission to Scarif, the one I told you about earlier.”

They were walking together out of medical, the three of them, and Eura was nodding, but still full of questions. “You’re staying, right? You said you would stay. They called you a Sergeant, but if you’re a Sergeant, then how are you and Papa friends? Are we going to visit your friend again? And what about the older man that was visiting Papa as well? Are we going to see him again? Who was that in the other tank?”

Jyn laughs, and it startles her, because she hasn’t really laughed like this since… ever. She isn’t the type of person to laugh, her life always too dangerous, even when drinking, or among those she almost considered friends. It’s the second time she has laughed, Jyn realizes, and both times were with Eura.

“You are full of questions,” she says instead of answering anything. “And I will answer all of them, but first-” They’ve reached the hallway outside of medical, and Jyn was really feeling faint. “You need to tell us where to go.”

Eura gives a smile and tugs on her hand, with Kay only a step behind. There’s a bubble of happiness in the bottom of Jyn’s stomach, but she won’t argue with it. It feels too nice to avoid.

 

* * *

 

The mess hall is loud, not like battle, but there’s so many people, and it’s a constant hum and drum. She’s used to the explosions, used to the blasters and the yelling, but this is just people on top of people on top of people, all of them talking, all of them trying to be heard. If her stomach wasn’t so empty, she would turn around, but she can’t remember the last meal she ate - oh right, it had been when she first arrived at Yavin, all that time ago, and Cassian had brought her a tray of food. Since then, it had been ration bars and meal packs, and they were better than the shit she ate while imprisoned, but real food sounds like a blessing.

Eura seems to know where she’s going, but Kay is lingering at the door - “I have no use for food” - so Jyn has no choice but to follow the little girl. She grabs a tray, and a plate, and then looks down the long line. There’s food on top of food, and Jyn recognizes a lot of it, has seen it on the planets she has lived on, but she hasn’t tasted any of it in years. Eura fixes her with a funny look when Jyn just freezes, looking at it all, then nudges her with her arm.

“Come on, Jyn. Fill your plate.”

Jyn nods, and takes in the various things, scooping up things that looked easier on her stomach, softer, until her plate has a few things on it. At the end of the line, she can smell the caf, and she hasn’t had fresh caf in so long, it makes her bones ache. She gets herself a glass, notices that Eura gets milk, then follows behind, wishing that she could hide better behind her hair, that she didn’t stick out. Everyone here has on a uniform, or a patch, or something showing their rank, and she… she’s nothing. A no one.

There’s a small table to one side that Eura sits at, and Kay approaches, sitting down behind Eura, waiting on the little girl. Jyn watches as she carefully sets out her spoon and fork, opens up a napkin, settles herself for a moment before beginning to eat. It’s a shock, and Jyn is glad she thought to grab utensils, because she’s ready to just eat with her hands, shoving it into her face.

She had known how to eat properly, once, but living on the run, not having a home, food was what you could steal, what you could grab, what you could shove into your face until it’s taken away. She takes a few bites of the first thing, something that Eura had as well, and it’s surprising, the spices, but she likes it. Jyn smiles a little at Eura, and Eura is happily humming in response.

“Jyn Erso?”

She freezes, because it’s not a voice she recognizes, but they clearly recognize her. No one here should know who she is, not really. She had barely been on the base before leaving for Jedha, and again for Scarif, only here for one night, and she would recognize that voice if it belonged to someone she had brought back with her.

Turning her head, Jyn thinks about reaching for a weapon, something, but she has nothing, not even a blade on hand. She’s surrounded by rebels, and if they knew who her father was, knew what he had built, knew what had happened to Jedha… She had spent her entire life answering for her father’s crimes.

“Ma’am, I’m Captain Wedge Antilles. I was there, when you talked to the Council.”

Her hand grips around her fork, and it twists in her palm, so that she can easily stab this Captain Antilles with it. She gives a nod, swallows down what’s in her mouth, and she glances at Eura, who is still happily eating her food. How fast can she grab Eura, can she run, with Kay blocking these rebels behind her - can she make it to the hangar? Can she leave Cassian behind?

“You were right. Every word of it. Those karking politicians, they don’t know anything. I defected myself, like your pilot friend. If you hadn’t gone to Scarif-”

She drops the fork from her hand, and she’s surprised, then gives a nod. She doesn’t want to hear anymore, just wants to eat, just wants to-

“Wedge, is this her?”

There’s another voice, this time a woman, and Jyn feels trapped, sitting at the table, with people standing around her. Yes, the table is against the wall, but her back and side is exposed, and she no longer has an escape route.

Jyn pushes herself to stand, and then there are arms wrapped around her, and Jyn is too stunned to respond, because this is a _hug_ . Why would _anyone_ be hugging her?

“You got my Kes off the planet,” the woman says, and Jyn is frozen, because Kes, Kes… He hadn’t flown there to Scarif with her, but she remembers Melshi recognizing him, one of the support units that had landed on the beach. “Said you waited as long as you could to grab everyone. Almost didn’t make it. Thank you!”

Jyn gives another nod and pulls herself away, because she can’t… this is too much. There’s too many people here, and it’s one thing when they just exist, but they’re looking at her now, and all she knows is to fight or to run, and now someone else is coming over, and she recognizes this one, because he went with her, and he made it back.

“There she is, Sergeant Erso. Got us all off the planet, you and that droid.”

She’s pulled into another hug, and she can’t - she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe, she can’t-

“Not everyone made it off the planet-”

She jerks away from them all and takes a few steps back, until she lands into Kay, who has stood up beside Eura. Everyone is looking at her as though they dont know what’s going on, and Jyn, she still can’t breathe, but with no one touching her, it’s a little easier.

She feels a hand in hers, and almost jerks away, until Jyn realizes that it’s Eura. Jyn looks down at the little girl, who has concern on her face, and squeezes Jyn’s hand. Jyn squeezes back, and then looks up at the group.

“Please excuse me,” she says, and she turns, quickly walking out of the mess.

“Wait, Jyn!” Eura is behind her, and Jyn pauses for a second, and reaches back her hand again, taking the little girl’s hand. She can’t do this, can’t do the people, not yet. It’s too soon, and she… she hasn’t even really slept yet, hasn’t face the nightmares that she knows are coming, and she appreciates their kind words, but she needs…

Something other than this.

“Stay right here,” Eura says, and she sounds so much older than six. Jyn nods in response, and then leans against a wall, her back pressed into it, trying to breathe. A few people walk by into the mess hall, but no one seems to notice her.

It takes a few minutes, and then Eura returns with Kay behind her, the droid carrying two trays filled with food. Eura reaches for her hand once more, and Jyn takes it.

“Can we visit your friends?” Eura asks, and Jyn… Jyn smiles, because that sounds… so much better.

“Captain Antilles extended his apologies,” Kay says as they walk, not at a fast pace. Jyn looks over her shoulder at the droid, then gives a nod.

“It’s not his fault. I just… I wasn’t expecting anyone to know who I was. I could have probably handled their anger, but not… I didn’t go there for them. I did it for my father.”

“You did it because you had a duty to finish the mission,” Kay says slowly. “And because you believed in the mission. My original analysis of you was incorrect, Jyn Erso. I have not fully updated my records on you, but I am continuing to collect data. I was not expecting you to avoid receiving gratitude. I will update that momentarily.”

Jyn doesn’t know what to say to that, but they make it to medical, and back to the ICU. Jyn had run into Baze along the way, who was standing outside of a shut ICU room, and she realizes that, by now, Chirrut and Cassian were both likely out of bacta. They all go into Bodhi’s room, and the group settle into the chairs, Bodhi still asleep.

It’s a quiet affair, all of them eating, Kay standing at the door, and the soft beeping of the machines that Bodhi is attached to is a comfort. This is… much better than what they had just left.

“Jyn?” Eura asks, and the little girl looks tired, her stomach now very full. Jyn sets down her cup of caf as she turns her attention to Eura fully. “Is this what family feels like?”

Jyn isn’t sure what to say at first… she looks at Bodhi, still asleep, his hand gone, but a peaceful look on his face. He’s their pilot, the one that gets them home, the one that’s always there, hovering, ready to get them out. She looks at Kay, a droid, but every bit a part of their group, the one that can always have a snarky comment and gets them out of the worst of their troubles. She looks at Baze, who might fall asleep where he sits, tray of food half forgotten, their protector, their silent shadow, who may have once forgotten his beliefs, but remembers them how. She thinks of Chirrut, healing from his body being destroyed, and how he always believes, how he can guide them through all things, sees more than they can even with the lack of eyes. She thinks of Cassian, the Captain that had given it all, the one that pulled together their group, had come back for all of them, that had made a mission his hope. Finally, she looks at Eura, the little girl that gave them a future they wanted to believe could be real.

“Yes, Eura. This is family.”

_This is peace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 is a flashback, and it's actually not fully written. AHHHHH! I tried to finish before I left, but yeah. YEAH. I hope to have it up next Monday, and I might be writing down to the wire Sunday night / Monday morning, as I am going out of town, well, today, and won't be back until then - fingers crossed?
> 
> TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! I'm old. :( 
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Jyn gets settled into her new room with Eura and Kay, and she has a hard conversation with Eura about what happened. She ends up taking a nap, giving Jyn time to take a shower and put on her clean clothes. From there, she has a very honest conversation with Mon Mothma about her future, and then another with General Draven. She’s filled with worry, and goes to check on Bodhi, who is out of surgery. Jyn ends up completing most of her mission report on Scarif, and then has to have her last treatment. Once she gets the all clear, she, with Eura and Kay, go to dinner in the mess. They meet a few surprising people, and it all becomes too much for Jyn. In the end, she takes her meal with Eura in Bodhi’s room, Baze finally joining them, and Jyn and Eura both agree that this is family._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: In the FOURTH section, there is a VERY HEAVY SECTION in which Cassian endures what is possibly his worst mission. It's when Kay offers to wipe his memory banks. It's VERY VERY VERY Heavy, and it involves Child Death. This will be marked with VERY BOLD STARS. If you do not want to read about it, just skip ahead to where you see the stars again. A TL;DR will be in the end notes, if you want to skip.

Never in his life had Cassian thought he would be a father. It wasn’t that he had just never considered it as a possibility after the war - it was that he had never thought he would survive the war. Spies died young, always - they were always in the thick of it, always had their own goodbye tucked into their jacket. It was part of the game. You had to be a certain kind of being to do this work, willing to give it all for your cause, knowing that everything you did came at a price, and that one day, it might be your life. He had accepted that, the rage within him, the burning hatred fueled, a bit of loneliness within him - he was ready to sacrifice it all, because someone had to, and he intended on taking as many bastards with him as he could.

But now, there’s a child that looks at him with big eyes, that smiles when she wakes up and sees he’s there, that calls him Papa, and cries the first time he tells her he has to go away. In the past, all she had ever known was that her Aunt and Uncle would be there, a constant, and that her Papa would come when he could.

After taking every last bit of leave he possibly could, dragging out every last bit of paperwork, and calling in every favor, he has to go back to work. It had been just over two months, a beautiful nearly eighty days, and he wants to cry as much as Eura is.

“It’s just for a week,” he promises, and he kisses her little fingers, counting on each of them. She loves to count, loves the numbers, and he says it once it Basic, and a second time in Alderaanian. She repeats it back - she loves doing that as well. Repeating him.

“Ten days, _querida_ ,” he murmurs, and she’s whimpering again, softly, clinging to her Kay doll.

For the first time ever, Cassian wishes that he could leave the droid behind, but he needs a copilot and needs a KX for his undercover position. Captain Willix was recently promoted, which meant a certain level of protection.

He expects her to protest again, but her tears are being pulled back, and Cassian’s heart just shatters. She shouldn’t have to be this brave, this strong, and for the first time since he had walked into the command center with his daughter in his arms, he reconsiders his decision to keep her with him. She could be safe, far away from this place, and he could still visit, albeit less often… maybe a few times of year at best.

But then she’s smiling at him, and he knows he’s selfish, but it’s better for her to have to deal with him being away for a few days or for a few weeks than to be separated from him for months at a time.

“Love you, Papa,” she says, and her voice is so clear, so crisp, he truly can’t believe it’s the first time she has ever said it. If he wasn’t standing in the middle of the hangar bay, his arms wrapped tight around his daughter, with her temporary guardians watching on… he might break down into tears right there. She clings back to him, and he presses a kiss to her hair, then forces himself to pull away.

“Be a good girl for the Triballs,” he tells her, and she nods, looking over her shoulder towards the couple. The man is a mechanic, and the woman works in the kitchen, and they have a little girl a few months younger than Eura. It’s the perfect setup, as they have a set of rooms large enough to fit an extra bunk for Eura, and she’ll have a friend to keep her company. She can spend her days with the other children on base, and when he gets back, everything can go back to normal…

Until his next mission.

“Love you, _querida_ ,” he adds on, because he tries to remember to say it, say it out loud, rather than just in his head, over and over again. He loves her more than he loves his next breath, and he has to say it, needs her to remember it.

He had spent all morning recording a voice message for her, over and over again, telling her that he loved her, that he believed in her, that she was the greatest gift he had ever been given… He had cried between every attempt, until eventually, he had managed enough of a message to save it. Just in case, he had told himself. Just in case.

This is okay, he tells himself as the door closes. It’s only one week, Cassian tells himself as his transport leaves the hangar bay. She’ll be fine, he tells himself as they leave atmo.

Maybe Eura will be fine, but if he cries a little over the journey, Kay says nothing about it.

 

* * *

 

Having a four year old on a rebel base is interesting enough, and wow, Cassian can’t believe his daughter is four years old. She had been on base for almost three-quarters of a year, now, and it still feels brand new. He’s getting better at being a parent, at keeping her on a schedule, which she seems to crave, but also relaxing when it’s needed. She loves following him around base, loves learning, and he begins to expand some of his skills, with her at his side.

General Draven hadn’t disagreed with the need for Cassian to learn more skills, like splicing and code breaking and mechanic work, because really, a Spy should be able to work in any situation they get themselves into, but they both knew the truth - the more that Cassian spent time on base, learning, the more time he spent with his daughter.

Everyone seemed to love her - she asked questions, and then looked interested, about things that no one else would care about. Mechanics could ramble on and on about particular weapons, communications could go on and on about how important their jobs were when they were glorified secretaries, and even the Quartermaster had a special spot, explaining to Eura how he kept the base running, giving everything a spot.

And the droids… Oh the droids. Every droid on base seemed to know who Eura was, and she knew all of them by their name and assignment. Cassian knew every parent likely felt their child was the smartest child to ever exist, but more and more, Cassian was starting to fear that might be true - fear, because she was starting to teach him things.

There was just _one thing_ that he couldn’t pick up on, though… Every day, particularly after lunch, she would just… _beep_. Her arms would be out on either side of her, like she was carrying a skirt that wasn’t there, as she had adopted to wearing clothes like his, complete with an extra belt, vest, and jacket - and then she just ran around, repeating herself.

_Beep! Beep beep ba-beep! Beeeeeeeep!_

Cassian couldn’t figure it out.

And then expanded to new sounds. Cassian would be more worried if she had stopped using normal words, but her languages had now expanded to include Mando’a _and_ Aqualish, which was new to him and he was learning to pick up because of her. It seemed as though she were a sponge, soaking them all in, so why would she resort to making strange sounds?

And she only did it when Kay wasn’t around, which was beyond strange as well. Why would she never use it around Kay? She always seemed so amused with herself, so clearly it meant something…

It’s only when he catches her whispering to one of the Astromechs that it suddenly made sense.

His daughter was speaking in binary, in droid speak. She was communicating with the droids.

After that, he began to watch her talking with every droid she came into contact with, from the cleaning droids to the med droids to the astromechs - even if they had a voice box, she spoke to them only in droidspeak, save for Kay.

Of course, this led to Kay being _very_ disappointed when he found out.

“There is a 48% chance that she dislikes me, which is why she is excluding me,” he said to Cassian one evening, causing the man to roll his eyes.

“Perhaps you could just ask her.”

“Asking her would tell her that it matters to me, which it does not.”

“You’ve mentioned previously that you consider it to be below you to even translate. Maybe she just doesn’t want to insult you?”

“I am a _droid_ and she refuses to speak to me _as a droid_.”

There was no arguing with the KX, so Cassian finally set about asking Eura the next day. She had tilted her head to the side, waiting for him to explain further, but he had fixed her with a look that said she couldn’t play his own games against him. He had taught her how to wait in silence for an answer. He could do better than her.

“Kay is not a droid. He is my Uncle! Why would I talk to my Uncle in droid?”

She had bounded off after that, chasing after one of the cleaning droids to ask them to clean up the mess in her room, and Cassian had gone off to find the KX.

Kay had asked for a few moments of time alone that afternoon, and when he returned, Cassian could have sworn the droid might have cried… if that was possible… really, he had no clue what was going on anymore. Nothing made sense when Eura was involved, but he wouldn’t argue it.

His daughter could speak droid, and a droid was her Uncle.

There were stranger things than that.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t know how to be a parent. Not really.

He thought he had this figured out - every morning, they got out of bed, and she brushed her teeth, and he brushed her hair, and she wore clean clothes, and then - there was breakfast, and it was balanced, and then she went to school while he sat in meetings, and then they had lunch, and then he - she could throw wrenches around, knew all of the basic controls in his U-Wing, could chat in five languages now, knew how to hide both outside of the base and anywhere within the base - they spent the afternoon in these lessons, until they finally had dinner, and she would bathe, and then they would read stories together until she went to sleep.

It was a system, a schedule, a ritual.

And every time he left the base, she continued this as close as she could, save that her afternoons were spent in the little school as well, and when he came back to base, he always had a gift for her.

He was doing this, he was doing well, and on days of rest he took her out to explore Yavin, and she smiled at him and called him Papa, and he loved her and she loved him -

But then he sees the other children. He sees them running and playing. Their knees are covered in scraps and their hands covered in dirt, while Eura… her hands had engine grease on them and small cuts. The other children would laugh and tell jokes, while she would recite numbers to him and figures. Other children had freedom, had a childhood, and they were unaware of the war, while Eura…

Eura knew that any time he left the base could be the last time that she saw her Papa.

It ate him alive.

He had been doing this for over a year now, nearly a year and a half, and it struck him, harshly, that he had no idea how to be a parent at all. There was no one to really ask - no one he worked closely with had children. Those that did have children, they were not like him, they didn’t have the pressures he did.

For the first time in his life, Cassian truly doubted himself, truly began to believe that he might be a failure.

The next time he leaves on a mission, he returns with a doll house, because he had seen the one that the Triball girl had, and Eura seemed to like it well enough. He brought back skirts and dresses, and pretty bows, and Eura… she didn’t put them on, and they hung in her closet. He brought back real dolls, with glass faces, and they sat carefully in the doll house, while the Kay he had made for her all those years ago was clutched in her arms.

He was a failure as a parent, and he didn’t know how to fix this. She should be free, be a little girl. More and more, she looked so serious, and if he wasn’t challenging her, wasn’t giving her things to do, wasn’t structuring her day, she pushed him to give her something to do, or else got into other stuff… he had caught her, on more than one occasion, trying to convince cleaning droids to let her take a look at their mechanics.

It was an interesting source, though, that helped him find his footing, that helped him realize that, just maybe, Eura wasn’t like other children, because she simply wasn’t like other children.

Bail Organa had been a long time member of the Rebellion, since before Cassian had even come into the fold. A founding member, if rumor was the truth. Given who his wife was, there was only so much that was publicly known, but within the Command Center, Cassian was aware of him enough to know that the man knew who he was.

He had no idea that the man knew who his daughter was.

In truth, the Senator from Alderaan, and husband of the Queen, should have no concern for an Intelligence Asset within the Rebellion, but it seemed that even the politicians knew about the Captain and his daughter. It still confused Cassian when they asked after her, but Bail was not frequently on Yavin. He was today, though, as Cassian tried to convince his daughter to go and play with the other children, rather than spending her day in the hangar bay with him while he attempted to fix up a speeder to take with him.

She was a better mechanic than he was, but she was also a child, and should be playing. She should always be playing.

“Young Eura. Are you giving your Papa a hard time?”

Cassian had nearly hit his head, jerking upright from where he was bent down, trying to find the right tool, only to see that Eura was talking to the Senator. The man had crouched down beside her to talk to her face to face, which Cassian appreciated, but - he had more important things than to talk to his daughter.

“Senator,” Cassian said, and he grimaced as he wiped his hands onto a rag, pushing himself to stand up. “My daughter was just heading off to go play.”

He wished she would obey, for once, rather than pouting at him.

“But you need my help, Papa! I can help!”

Cassian grimaced slightly, because he didn’t need the Senator to see what a failure he was as a father, but Bail was laughing and nodding, like he was clearly amused. “Reminds me of my daughter. Always headstrong, throwing herself into the thick of it. She’s supposed to be a Princess and a Senator, but I think she would pick up a blaster in a heartbeat if I let her.”

That… that struck Cassian with fear. A fear he hadn’t even known until now.

“Captain, a word, if you would. I trust you to keep everything under control here, Eura.”

Eura nodded, very solemnly, and immediately went to the box that Cassian had been digging through, and finding the exact part he had been unable to find. Of course.

“How can I help you, sir,” Cassian asked, and he tried to appear taller in front of the foreboding man after they took a few steps away, so that no one could overhear. Bail was still looking at his daughter, and Cassian turned to watch Eura, quickly getting more done in thirty seconds than he had in the past thirty minutes.

“I’ve seen you, seen her, a few times.” Cassian gave a nod, because okay then, but that had nothing to do with anything. “I’ve also seen you trying to convince her to play with others, trying to wrangle her into keeping her hands clean and into a dress.”

There may have been one or two occasions where Cassian had had to chase Eura down, trying to get her out of the grease covered pants and into something, well, girly.

“She’s a child, sir. I’m trying to let her grow up like one.”

“You mean, unlike you?”

Cassian doesn’t answer, simply raises his chin. His records should be sealed, but this man had begun the Rebellion… he probably knew everything and then some. It didn’t mean he would discuss his past.

“There may be a war on the horizon, but my daughter will have a childhood. She will not know of what goes on out there. She should be playing with dolls, not with machines.”

Bail snorted, and crossed his arms over his chest.

“My little girl wears dresses and braids her hair and smiles politely at Senate meetings, but she could probably outshoot half this base. She was raised to be a Princess, and she is one, but she’s also a politician and a soldier. You can’t force her into a mold. The girl likes engines, can speak numerous languages, has done a number of calculations at the same speed as the droids-”

How much had Bail been watching them?

“You’re a good father, Cassian. Just stop trying to change her. Let her learn to discover playing and the girly things. Right now, she wants to be just like her Papa. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

They share a long look, and then Cassian nods his head. He wishes Eura wasn’t like him, prays to something he doesn’t believe in that she’ll be spared, but if this man, who has raised a Princess while his wife is a Queen and he runs a Rebellion, is telling him that he can’t force Eura to be something she’s not.

“I won’t let her inherit this war,” Cassian says, and Bail nods, a look of pain on his own face.

“I said the same thing after the Clone Wars, when we adopted Leia, and now, look at us. On the verge of another disaster.”

“I fought in those Clone Wars,” Cassian says, and he lifts his chin, because he had fought _against_ the Republic, and yes, things had changed, and were not as they had appeared, but he and the Senator had been on opposite sides.

“Our children will have to fight the wars that we do not finish,” Bail finally says, and Cassian turns to look back at Eura, who looks proud of herself, a smear of grease on her forehead, and she’s trying to climb onto the speeder to test it to see if she had fixed it. Of course.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Cassian says, and he strides forward to his daughter, to help her up onto the speeder. He climbs on behind her and tests it out, starting it up immediately. Eura is clapping her hands as Cassian turns it back off, and he picks her up to help her down before pressing a kiss to her hair.

“Well done, _querida_ ,” he murmurs, and she’s smiling at him, smiling and laughing like the children that run free all over this base, and maybe it’s not the end of the world that she would rather spend time with her Papa than playing, but he thinks of Bail, and Leia, and -

He turns his head to look towards the Senator, and sees the man watching them by the hangar doors, likely heading towards the command center. Cassian gives him a nod, and receives one in response.

“Papa, who was that?” Eura asks.

Cassian smiles a little, and looks down at his little girl who, despite not liking the dresses of Princesses, certainly does like stories about them.

“Well, Eura, he is the Senator from Alderaan, and he has a daughter that he says is much like you, and his wife is a _Queen_ …”

 

* * *

#  **************

By the time Kay finds him, it’s too late. The little girl is already dead, but Cassian can’t bring himself to set her down.

She’s younger than Eura, maybe by a year, or maybe older, because this was a poor planet and she was likely underfed, but it changed nothing about how light she was in his arms, her eyes finally closed, the pain having finally left her body.

He just sat there, holding the little girl, the bodies of her family around him, and he can’t let go. Can’t let go, because he doesn’t want this future for his own child, because he couldn’t save this little girl, because what if he couldn’t save Eura?

“Cassian?”

He looks up, tears streaming down his face, and the doll that the little girl held onto, small and soft and handmade with love, fell from her embrace onto the ground. The doll was wearing a flight suit, like an X-wing pilot, and she was dead, and he couldn’t stop it.

“Cassian, whatever killed these people, we don’t know if it is in the air. I must suggest that we-”

“It was in the water,” he gasps out, and he knows it for a fact, because on top of being a poorer outer rim planet, it was also a dessert planet. Water was scarce, so when it was announced that the Republic had sent water supplies to them, something utterly unheard of… They had jumped at the chance for fresh water.

He had watched, watched as they all took a sip.

Maybe the intel had been bad, maybe there wasn’t anything amiss here, maybe there was some sort of relief sent out… Or maybe, as he watched their bodies begin to writhe in pain an hour later, these people had all been murdered…

It was easier to take over a planet for it’s resources, whatever they were, if there was no one here to have to fight. Chemical warfare, done against civilians, against innocents, in their very source of life…

Cassian knew that their enemy was cruel, that life meant nothing to them, but seeing it now, watching a family…

He couldn’t stay back. He was too late to save them, and so he should remain distant, wait until everyone was dead, because there was no way his field medipack had anything to save them, and then move in, to gather a sample, so that it could be studied and prevented.

Except that there was a little girl that had watched every member of her family die, and then had clutched her doll, knowing she was next.

He had gone to her, and she had cried out as his arms went around her, holding her close.

_I don’t want to die. Please! I don’t want to die! Mama! Papa!_

He had held her, rocked her, and when her tears and sobs had become choked breaths, he had pressed her face to his shoulder, rocking her back and forth, singing a soft lullaby. He had done this for Eura a few times, but not enough. Never enough. His daughter was five years old, nearing six, and at her age - at her age, he was no longer a baby, but she was his baby, his little girl, and he had - he hadn’t done this enough, hadn’t treasured her enough. Not really. Not enough that he could ever accept it being the last time.

There was another lullaby he could give her, and if there was any other way… The pill had slipped out of the little pocket in his jacket, and he had pressed it into her mouth. “Bite down,” he had murmurred, and she had done so. It would not be a painless death, but it would be quick, and less painful than what she endured now. She had swallowed it all, and he had pulled his waterpack from his side, pressed the bottle to her lips.

“Drink, little one,” he murmured, and she had obediently done so.

Would someone give this kindness to his little girl, if she were dying?

It was fast, faster than he had expected, but these pills were meant to kill quickly for a grown man, and this was a child, half his size. She had clung to him, and he had held her tight, singing softly, until finally, she had drawn her last breath.

Cassian was still crying, still crying as Kay finally helped him to stand, helped him to lay the little girl on her bed, helped him to pick up her Mama and Papa, lay them on either side of her.

“Cassian, we have to go. I’m detecting a number of ships in the atmosphere above this planet.”

They should receive a burial, receive something more than this, and he picked up the doll, setting it in the girl’s arms. They looked as though they were all sleeping, this little family, and he… he stumbled a few steps out of the door of their home, and threw up.

Kay was a few steps behind, and was saying something, and it took Cassian a moment to realize what he was saying. A memory wipe. He was offering to wipe his memory of this, of seeing Cassian falling apart.

It was a kind gesture, but no one should ever forget.

# **********

“We have to go,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t give another glance over his shoulder, he didn’t turn back to take one last look at the family. They had to get a water sample, had to get off this planet, and he had a little girl to go hug.

It was absolute silence in the U-Wing as they took off from the planet. Kay had made the offer, but was now flying, getting them away from the enemy ships, and then out into hyperspace, heading straight for Yavin.

Cassian was busy writing his mission report. Every last detail. Every last second. He missed nothing, and it was more than he should report, more than he should say, but they should know. They should know what had been done, should know where his lullaby pill went, should know that Cassian had held a child, dying in his arms, because of what had been done by the hands that should have provided help, rather than harm.

He had no idea what they would want on that planet. No clue as to what could have been done to prevent this. All he had was a vial of water, and the memory of a little girl that he had held as she slowly died in his arms.

When he makes it back to the planet, he brushes past General Draven, handing over his datapad and the vial of water. He can’t go to debrief, can’t speak, can’t say anything.

“The water is poisoned with something,” Kay informs the General, who is confused, but Cassian doesn’t stop to stay, to hear Kay answer the questions coming from the man.

He’s practically a ghost, feels like he’s floating through the base, but everyone in his path parts ways, and he doesn’t realize until he’s outside of the small school that he had been practically running there. He pushes open the door and sees Eura playing with other children, painting on a piece of discarded metal, using some of the paint that the pilots used on their ship.

He doesn’t care about the teacher, about the other children, about the red paint that gets onto his shirt - all he cares about his wrapping his arms tight around Eura. He scoops her up, holding her to his chest, and turns, leaving the room, leaving behind her friends and her things, because he can’t let go of her, can’t stop as he walks a few rooms away. He’s crying, he realizes, as he kicks open an empty storage room, and when he sinks down onto the floor, he’s still crying.

She’s worried, she’s scared, he knows that, but he holds her tighter as his back presses into the wall, and after a long moment, she stops asking what’s wrong, just looks up at him with tears in her own eyes.

“I love you,” he whispers, and he doesn’t say it enough, never says it enough. “You are the brightest star in the galaxy, you are my way home. Everything I do, I do it for you, to keep you safe.”

Eura nods at him, and she’s crying, and he doubts she even knows why but there’s tears streaming down his face, and she presses a kiss to his cheek, and he - he doesn’t deserve it. He kills, he destroys, he does terrible things… only a few hours ago, he had held another child, just like this, unable to save them, delivering them to death’s door.

He doesn’t deserve this, and she deserves better, but he’ll do everything to make sure she never meets the same fate as that child.

“Can I-” his voice is thick with emotion, and he coughs his way through it. “Can I sing you a lullaby?”

She nods a little, and presses her lips to his cheek again, then sets her head on his shoulder. Cassian nearly breaks into harder sobs again, but keeps it together just enough to start singing, first in Basic, then switching to Alderaan. He sings softly, until eventually, he starts singing the songs that his mother sang to him. They are from his memories, from his dreams, the few he has that are not night terrors, and he… he continues until he can go no longer.

“I love you too, Papa,” she whispers, and he…

He sits in that storage room, crying as he holds his little girl. He could save her. He could still save her. He would save her from this war, from this life. He had to. He didn’t have another choice.

 

* * *

 

If anyone had told Cassian Andor six years earlier that he would one day be sitting on the floor with a tiara on his head, paint on his fingernails, and a tiny cupcake on a plate in front of him, he would have thought them insane. Now, however, it was perfectly normal. After all, it was his daughter’s sixth birthday, and when she had colored and delivered her own personal invitations, he hadn’t said no… he hadn’t even really thought about the guest list.

And yet, here he had sat, looking around the room at four Senators, three pilots, sixteen mechanics, two Generals, and a Princess.

A Princess. His daughter had invited a Princess to her birthday party.

The presents were… interesting. All of them exceptionally practical, and yet nicer than Cassian could ever afford. There were a few dresses, a number of books, a doll that had real glass eyes, and a set of hair combs and brushes from Leia Organa that had made his daughter nearly cry. There was only a few presents left, one of them from General Draven, and Cassian noticed that the man looked particularly delighted.

Most of the guests had already departed, because this was a military base, and they all had other duties, but Senator Mothma was still there, along with the Princess herself. Kay had just stepped forward to give his gift to Eura, a new tool set that the droid had casually _acquired_ the last time they were on Mandalore. Eura was, of course, ecstatic. She had jump up to hug the droid, and set the entire bag down with her other presents.

Really, Cassian was pleased. All of the gifts were items that showed just how much the people on this base understood his daughter. There were items that suited a little girl, that were age appropriate, and yet there was also the items that showed just how smart she was, even a tiny leather jacket that he would have to thank the Senator for, because it looked just like his, complete with a Rebellion insignia.

“This one, you will have to have your Papa teach you how to use,” General Draven said proudly, and he handed the box to Eura. Cassian arched an eyebrow at the man, the only hint that something was amiss, but he said nothing. After all, Eura adored her Uncle Davits, and he doubted the man would get anything for the little girl that was inappropriate.

He was wrong. He was very wrong.

Cassian had turned his attention towards Kay, who was reorganizaing the presents so that his was at the very front, and the dresses were towards the back, when he heard the Princess gasp. Cassian had only just turned his head to see what it was, when Leia had proclaimed that she had received one about Eura’s age as well, and it was only fitting, given who her father was.

Seeing the blaster in his daughter’s hands was something he had never wanted to see.

Time moved slowly as Cassian rose from where he was, stalking over towards his daughter. He grabbed the weapon from her hands, forgetting every bit of logical safety as he did so, and turned towards the General. The room stood still as Cassian turned the blaster between his fingers so that he was no longer holding the barrel, and the muzzle was now pointed at his CO.

“Out,” he snapped, and his words were harsh, and he wasn’t thinking clearly, but in seconds, Mon Mothma and Leia Organa had both scooped up his daughter, who was very confused as to what was going on.

“Papa? Papa, it’s like yours-”

The two pilots that had remained had half crawled to get out of the conference room they had overtaken, and Kay had frozen where he was beside the presents, before finally speaking.

“I highly doubt that that weapon is loaded. There is a zero percent chance of General Draven giving Eura a blaster with a loaded energy pack-”

“I said get out,” Cassian roared at the droid, who did as told, although at a much slower speed than anyone else.

There was no energy pack attached, but that didn’t matter. Both men knew that if Cassian wanted to kill, he didn’t need a loaded weapon. He didn’t even need a weapon. Cassian had killed with his hands before, and the General, while more experienced in times of war, was out of practiced with hand to hand combat. Old age would also slow him down, and Cassian was in his prime.

If he chose to act, there was nothing anyone could do to stop him.

There’s pure silence in the room, and then the man in front of him reaches up and grabs the blaster by the barrel. It comes into his hands with a tug, because Cassian had been gripping it, but quickly released once Draven had taken it back. A blaster, for his six year old. The man had been trying to give his daughter a blaster.

“Captain Andor, aiming your weapon at a-”

“Cassian.”

“What?”

It’s a tense moment, because Cassian _had_ pointed a weapon at his commanding officer, and had then interrupted him, but suddenly, Cassian was not an Alliance Intelligence Officer. Right now, he was a father, and he was defending his daughter, protecting her, saving her from what she should never have to touch, never have to see, never have to do.

“When we discuss my daughter, you will call me by my first name. It’s Cassian. And you tried to give a blaster to a six year old.”

Draven at least at the decency of looking slightly ashamed, but Cassian wasn’t done. Not yet.

“And I will refer to you as Davits, because again, we are discussing my daughter. She looks to you as her Uncle, as an adult that she can perhaps trust, someone that I had once assumed _could_ be trusted with her safety, and that is a heavy burden, because you and I both know that I do not trust easily. I can see now, that that trust is misplaced.”

And now, Draven had the look of a man shocked and horrified. Both were good at schooling their faces, both were spies, wore a mask, both - they knew to keep their emotions in check, but Davits Draven looked upset, and Cassian Andor looked karking pissed.

“She’s a child living on a rebel base on the edge of a war. You held a blaster at her age-”

“Yes, because my parents had died, and I was the only one left to pick up a weapon,” Cassian snapped, and he was in the man’s face. Eura may look to this man as an Uncle, but he was more a father figure to Cassian, and now, Cassian felt betrayed.

“I carried a weapon at her age because it was either shoot or be shot. I didn’t have a choice. There was a war, my parents were dead, my grandparents, my brothers - there was only me and a blaster and an empty stomach. I didn’t join this war because I wanted to - I joined it because I had no other choice.”

“You had every choice,” Draven retorted, and Cassian scoffed, because that was a fool’s thought, the idea that anyone had a choice in this war.

“I had no choice, because the Republic could not be trusted then, and now, after all these years, finally, something is changing - I never had a choice, because Politicians continue to ruin everything. You should understand that, given your position, that we do things that the Senate would not approve of, because it’s the only choice we have.”

“And you should understand, given your position, that she should know how to fight, how to defend yourself. Better she should die with a blaster in her hand than hiding from-”

Cassian’s fist was raised and swinging before he could ever stop himself, the first time he had ever hit his commanding officer, and Draven nearly hit a wall, the blaster cluttering to the floor. He had never lost his temper like this, had never lost control, but he had never had to face his fears so abruptly, the reality that his daughter had been born into war, that she was far from safe.

His hand stung, but Cassian ignored it. “The sins I have commited, the burdens that I carry, those are _mine_ . She will never have to atone for the atrocities that I have performed, she will never _know_ what I have done in the name of the Rebellion. Terrible, terrible things… and I do them for _her_ . I do them so that one day, she can live in a galaxy where she will never have to know the sting of a blaster on her skin, never know the fear of running from a suit of white armor. And she will _never_ feel the kick back of a blaster. Do I make myself clear?”

He could be arrested. Thrown into the brig. He could be shot right here, really. Cassian had just punched a General, his superior officer, punched him hard enough that the man’s eye was already swelling, and his hand hurt. Still, Cassian stood his ground. If need be, he would leave, he would find somewhere else to serve… he would run until Eura was safe.

Davits held a hand to his eye, wincing a little, and Cassian took a step back, schooling his face. He had clearly lost control, and now he would pay for it… but he didn’t regret it.

“Are you done?” General Draven asked, and Cassian gave a nod. Whatever came next, he would accept it, and then make a plan to leave, if need be.

“Captain Andor-” Draven freezes for a moment, and Cassian just stares him down. Normally, Cassian avoided eye contact, because he was a spy, because he was supposed to be non-descript, because it wasn’t necessary. Now, however, the two men met eyes, studying one another, to see what would occur. “I must apologize. I can see now that my gift was given in error. I should have asked you first, as her father.”

Cassian took in a slow breath, then nodded his head. There was more… there had to be more…

“You should know, however…”

Of course there was more, and Cassian held his breath, waiting for it to come.

“I said the same thing, once. He would be a few years younger than you, if he had lived. Ten. Only ten, but that doesn’t matter to a Deathtrooper. I hope you never have to suffer as I did.”

Cassian sucks in a breath so hard it’s audible, and he realizes that Draven has turned his back towards him… likely because some things, not even at their most vulnerable, would they allow another to see.

“I hope you are more successful than I was at keeping your child safe. Force knows that this war is coming for us…”

There’s pure silence in the room, and then the General walks from it. The door doesn’t shut behind him, because then Eura is poking her head in, with the Princess beside her. Kay is lurking behind them, and it appears as though everyone else is gone.

The blaster is still on the ground, and Cassian bends down to pick it up, to hold it in his hands. It’s small, small enough for Eura to hold, maybe not enough to kill, but enough to give her a second, a moment, a few breaths to get away.

“Papa? Are you okay? What’s wrong with your hand?”

Cassian looks down to see that his knuckles are already bruising, and there’s a chance he might have done more damage to his fist. He curls his fingers for a moment, wincing, then straightens them out again before looking up at his little girl.

“Nothing, Eura. I seem to have hit it, but it will be fine in a few days.”

The Princess is looking at him with an odd look, but he ignores her - she seems to be everywhere, as of late, and a constant annoyance. Going down onto one knee, Cassian offers the blaster to his daughter, sucking in a slow breath.

“Do you know what this is?” he asks, and he hates that his daughter nods yes.

“It’s not a toy,” he says, watching as she slowly picks it up, her fingers going around to hold it the proper way. Even with it not being loaded, he points the muzzle away from them, towards, the floor, and corrects the way her hand is on it. Her eyes are full of wonder, but there is no light to them. Clearly, she understands that what she is holding is not something fun or pretty. It’s a tool, one that he hopes she will never have to use.

“Uncle Davits thinks that you are old enough, and maybe you are, but I’m not ready yet for you to hold this. It’s still yours, however, and next year, for your birthday, we’ll see if I’m ready for you to learn how to use it.”

Eura nods, and then she hands the weapon back to him. He sets the pistol onto the ground beside him, then wraps his arms around his little girl, holding her tight.

“Why don’t you take Eura’s presents to her room,” the Princess is saying to Kay, and he sees the droid ready to argue, before finally just doing as asked. The blaster is removed from where it is beside them as Eura clings tighter, and he sees that Leia has returned it to the box it came from. “I’ll just give you a few minutes… and make certain that an ice pack is sent to your room.”

Cassian just nods before closing his eyes, holding his daughter tighter.

She would never be without defences, but he wasn’t ready. Wasn’t ready yet to place the burden of war into her hands. Wasn’t ready for her to grow up. Wasn’t ready to face the reality that he had had a child in a time of war, and that she might have to face the same life he did.

 

* * *

  

_“I love you, Eura. There’s not a lot of time left, because I want to find you, give you a big hug before I go… You were always my hope, even at the worst of times. If I don’t come back… you go with Jyn, and you run. Run as far away from this as you can.”_

It hurts him, to end the message, because he knows it’s time, know that he has to go and say goodbye. He had kept this day as normal as he could, had spent the night before telling her about the planets he had seen, but he had simply told her that Jedha was both hot and cold and very dry, and that Eadu had been raining and dark. Nothing more, nothing of the truth, because he couldn’t do it, but now…

He had known, when they had landed on Yavin the day before, that the council would not believe Jyn. He should have saved her father, could have saved him, should have saved the message, but there hadn’t been time, and he had to save Jyn… even if he couldn’t explain it then, he could explain it now. Even if the council didn’t believe her, didn’t believe _in_ her, he did. She was… she-

He couldn’t explain Jyn Erso, but if Jyn said that there was a way to stop this, he believed her. They were going to Scarif, and they were going there alone. And going to Scarif likely meant they wouldn’t return.

His hands are shaking as he sets the datapad down, saving the file to Eura’s files. There were messages there from previous missions, including the one he had left before going to Jedha, but never before had he been so sure that he would not return. In the past, they had simply been a way of leaving a memory of himself for his daughter, but now, it was truly good bye.

He was going to Scarif, and he wouldn’t be coming back.

What he had said about Jyn… he didn’t understand that. That certainly didn’t make sense. He had never introduced anyone to Eura before, had never shown her to anyone - anyone that knew of his daughter knew of her because they introduce themselves. He was to remain non-descript, a spy, slinking in the shadows, and Eura was his weakness. He didn’t advertise it, even though seemingly the entire base knew of her. Introducing her to Jyn was… pointless. Jyn Erso was an asset, nothing more.

Except that now, he imagined Jyn showing his daughter how to shoot a blaster, something that he had sworn he would do one day, and he imagined Jyn, with her proper Core accent, speaking to his daughter, listening to his daughter give translations. He imagined Jyn showing her how to use a blade, how to fight, how to run, how to -

He thought about Jyn, running out from cover, to save a child on Jedha. He thought about Jyn risking her life, risking the mission, to save the life of a no one. He thought about Jyn crying in the shuttle, back where she thought no one else could hear her, and anyone else would think she cried for her father, but he had heard her, had heard her praying for the lives of every person on Jedha, the lives lost because of her father’s weapon, and the child she had tried to save, but had died anyways…

Jyn would risk her life, would risk everything, to save a child she didn’t know. Jyn had known this life, knew what it was like to run, to hide, to fear for your future. Jyn knew what it was like to be thrust into a war that you had inherited from your parents, that you could never escape. Jyn knew. Jyn understood.

And Jyn Erso would save his daughter, save her from this war, save her from this fight, if he asked her to.

If he got back from this, if he survived Scarif, he would introduce them, and he hoped that Jyn would love his daughter, because there wasn’t time, there wasn’t enough time now, but he knew - he had always been alone, had always thought he would be alone until Eura, and now… he had something that could almost be a family, a pilot, two guardians, a droid, a daughter, and Jyn…

Jyn Erso, who he couldn’t leave behind, who he would risk everything for, because he believed in her. He would go with Jyn because she could save the galaxy, save Eura…

And he would send Jyn home to his daughter.

Cassian was too caught up, would never escape this, would never escape this war. He was in too deep, and he knew that, but Jyn… Jyn knew how to run, how to hide, and Eura? Eura could survive with her, and maybe it wouldn’t be much of a life, she would miss her Papa, but she could _live_.

It was too much to ask, but he had no one else to trust. Not when the Death Star was out there… He could trust no one else with his daughter.

He had to tell her, had to tell Jyn - but he had to find Eura first, before the meeting was over, had to gather those that he knew would go with them to Scarif, the ones he had spoken to the night before, that he had been contacting in nearby systems to get back, to come and make a final stand that the council was too weak to make.

It hurts, to leave the room for one last time, to go to Eura’s school. He knew she had lessons, but he had to say goodbye, one last time.

The teacher had said nothing, too used to Cassian coming and going, and Cassian had taken Eura into the teacher’s storage room, getting down onto one knee. Eura had a confused look on his face, and Cassian had - he had put on his best mask, because he had to as he looked at her.

“Eura, I need you to listen to me very carefully,” he says, and his words are hard, harder than they should be, but this was serious, so very serious.

“Of course, Papa,” she said, and he thanked the Force, if it was real, that he had a daughter so smart, so good, that she understood the situation without him even explaining it.

“I have to leave. I know I just returned, but I have to go again. There’s something I have to do.”

“How long will you be gone?” she asked, and he couldn’t look at her for a moment, his eyes sinking to their hands, because he was holding tight to both of hers in both of his.

“A few days, if we succeed,” he said, and maybe even that was a lie, but they had to succeed.

There’s silence, and then he hears a sniff, and he looks up to see Eura trying to stop her tears. His own are threatening to flow, but he shakes his head, running his thumbs under her eyes.

“No tears, _querida_. What I do, I do to save you and the rest of the galaxy. If I can’t get back to you, there is someone I am sending back. Her name is Jyn. Jyn Erso.”

“But what about Uncle Argon?” she asks, and he’s glad that she remembers them well enough, even though he has spoken of them before, that they will come for her… but that was before the Death Star existed. There was nowhere in the galaxy that would be safe, and it meant she would have to run.

“I trust Jyn Erso with my life,” he says, and he does. He’s trusting Eura’s life with her as well. “She knows what it is like to run, to hide. She will know what to do. Trust her, as I do.”

Eura nods, and he nods in response, then pulls his daughter to him, hugging her tight. He squeezes so hard, he thinks he might hurt her, but she’s hugging him back just as tight, and it hurts to let go, but he hears through the coms that Kay has started gathering up those that will go with them, and he - he has to go.

“It’s time,” he says, and he presses his lips to her forehead.

“I love you, Papa,” she says, and he nods, his lips still on her skin.

“I love you, Eura. Be brave.”

He pushes himself to stand and turns to walk away, but every step is heavy as he leaves the classroom, as he goes to find his droid. There are a few with him, other spies, a few snipers, and he shakes hands, nods his head. They had just as much blood on their hands, they knew the price of war, and they would go to Scarif with him, would take the risk, would be strong enough to do what needed to be done.

“Kay, with me,” he says, and Kay looks up from the astromech unit he is chatting with. Kay follows quickly behind as they step out of the hangar and into an empty room, and Cassian clears his throat as he looks up at his friend.

“You have to come with us,” he says, and he doesn’t want to, because he wants to leave Kay here, leave him with Eura, so that she has someone, but - “I need you to come with us. We have to help Jyn with her mission.”

“What about Eura?” the droid asks, and Cassian gives a nod.

“I’m going to need you to record a message for me, for Jyn. We’re going to make sure that Jyn gets off of Scarif with the plans, and that she gets back to Eura.”

“Do I need to tell you the probability that-”

“No!” he snaps, and he can’t do probabilities right now, because if he does - he can’t. He has to have hope. He has to believe.

“You play this message for Jyn if I die, do you understand?” he says, and Kay gives a nod.

“Of course, Cassian. I play this message for Jyn if she survives Scarif, and you do not.”

Cassian nods, then takes in a deep breath before starting to find the words.

“Jyn, I have so much to tell you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Cassian goes to a planet that suspiciously is receiving aid that no one in the Senate knows about. It turns out that the people on the planet were poisoned because of a natural resource that Cassian doesn't understand, and he watches the people die, one of which reminds him of Eura. He has a hard time because of this, and Kay offers to wipe his memory of it all because of how Cassian breaks down.
> 
> Chapter 7 is back to present day, and there will be no more flashbacks, as this has obviously caught us up to right before Cassian left for Scarif. It's going to feature Jyn being a lovely Queen and taking care of Eura and her team and CASSIAN WAKING UP. It will be posted on Thursday!
> 
> Thank you for all of the kind birthday wishes, by the way!
> 
> Visit me at melanoradrood.tumblr.com!  
> Comments are love!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: **FLASHBACK**  
>  _Cassian and his years with Eura living on base, how he thinks he can be a father, but quickly realizes that his little girl doesn’t really have a childhood. He has to suffer through some hard conversations with two different male influences in his life, and the end result is the realization that Eura is absolutely brilliant and amazing, and he’s just going to have to do the best he can… and the best he can means that he has to go to Scarif, has to leave her behind, so that there’s a galaxy left for her to live in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Just the cold hard reality of war.

It had been a rough night.

Jyn had wanted to see Cassian when he woke up, but she hadn’t really understood. She had promised to stay in her seat, was told she would be thrown out if she moved herself from it, and she had watched each tube being removed. The breathing tube was removed last, and then, his chest rose and fell, which, given the way that everyone in the room sighed with relief, was a clearly good sign.

It would take a few hours, they had said, so she went to put Eura to bed, with promises to be back soon. When Jyn got there from medical, after double checking on Bodhi and Baze, Eura had been in bed, reading, with Kay sitting beside her on the floor, pointing out different words. The language wasn’t one that Jyn was familiar with, but she smiled all the same and let Eura read to her. Something about the soft little voice speaking a language that she was clearly familiar with, it healed Jyn in a way she needed.

Kay and Jyn had then spoken about what was going on - Kay clearly had some medical knowledge, because he didn’t seem surprised at the fact that it would take a few hours, but he had confirmed her earlier conclusion - Cassian breathing on his own was a huge thing. The droid had agreed to sit with Eura until Jyn returned, and then they would trade - each would shift, back and forth, until the morning, at which point they would take Eura to see him.

Settling back into her chair in Cassian’s room had been hard, but this was a waiting game, and she couldn’t rush this. Jyn had brought the datapad with her that had everything about joining the rebellion - most of it was the normal political bullshit, and signing forms… homeworld, family, previous training… maybe she should just skip ahead to the Officer stuff.

That’s only worse - she’ll have to take a thousand and one tests, it seems, to test various abilities and skills, things about the system, all of it more or less useless for leading a team… she’ll still read it, of course, because why not. She eventually dozes off, though, the sound of the machines and the droid helping her to sleep, until she hears what sounds like a gasp.

She nearly drops the datapad looking up, and the droid is tittering away, a series of clicks and beeps. Within moments, there’s doctors in the room, and Jyn is practically gripping the sides of her chair, watching them talk to Cassian. It’s happening so fast, they have him opening his eyes, giving him a bit of ice for his throat, telling him where he is - he’s still trying to talk, but they already have him going through motions.

They’re checking his eyes, his heart, his lungs, pressing on his legs, his toes, and she tries not to break down, watching his feet move, watching him press back, how he responds to each of the movements. It’s taking hours but it blurs by so fast, and Jyn… she’s ready to scream, because then Cassian is forming words, and it’s shaky, but she hears it-

“What happened? Jyn? Is Jyn here?”

“Please try not to move, Captain Andor,” they say, and she wants to hit them all, shove them out of the way. Surely, their tests can’t be so important, that they won’t just answer him. He does as he’s told, but it only takes a few minutes before he’s asking again.

“Just tell me where my daughter is? Is someone with Eura?”

“Captain Andor, you need to stay calm,” the doctor says, and she’s running a needle underneath the bottom of his foot, checking as his toes move.

He only lasts thirty seconds before he asks again, and she hits her breaking point.

“Just tell me if Jyn made it out-”

“Cassian,” she says, and she’s breaking the rules, she’s speaking, standing up, and no one is touching his left hand, so she’s reaching for it.

Except that the machines are beeping louder, and his eyes lock with hers. She’s trying to not cry, but then he’s trying to push himself up, to reach for her, and it happens so fast, too fast.

Both doctors are yelling at her to get out, there’s a droid pushing her hard towards the door, and the Medic is halfway to dragging her out. She knew the rules, but why hadn’t they just answered him? It was cruel, to let him think that they hadn’t made it out, that Eura wasn’t okay.

“Jyn- wait, please,” she can hear him, and the doctors are trying to stop him from moving.

She’s struggling to get back to him, but the medic is huge, and the droid is immovable, because then Jyn is in the hallway, and the door has been shut. She grabs the handle but it’s not moving, and she bangs on it, two fists hitting it as hard as she can.

She bangs and bangs until another droid comes and tells her she has to leave - but she can’t, because he’s awake, and she…

She’s left sitting in the hallway outside of medical, told that she can’t come back until the morning. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, even with how much her leg aches, and she wraps her arms around her knees, hugging them close. No one notices her, the hour late, and no one stops to ask if she’s okay. All she can do is cry until there’s no tears left, because Cassian is awake, he has brain function, and he could feel movement in his toes…

He might actually survive this.

By the time Jyn had returned to her room, Eura was awake again. “I had a nightmare,” the little girl had said, and Jyn had only removed her boots, vest, and belt before climbing into the big bed that belonged to Cassian. Eura climbed into it beside her, and Kay had left to stand vigil outside of Cassian’s room - she hadn’t told him, Eura hadn’t asked, and Jyn had needed sleep.

Jyn can’t sleep, though. It’s not the fact that she’s in a soft bed, or that Eura’s spread out beside her. It’s Cassian - she can still remember his back hitting metal, the way he had sucked in a breath when he first woke up, how he had called out for her, and she had tried to reach him. Their fingers had only been inches apart, but it felt like he was on the other side of the galaxy now. Too far from her, too far away…

He was going to live, and that had to be enough, but it wasn’t. She spent most of the night tossing and turning until the early hours.

When she had woken up, Eura had been fully dressed and sitting at the desk, picking away at her food. Jyn looked to see that Kay had returned, and she gave him a nod. Likely, he had brought them food, so that Jyn could avoid the mess hall. She had stuck to the cup of caf, still steaming, and settled onto the foot of the bed.

She would go and see Cassian first, before she took Eura, to find out about the tests, to… she wasn’t being selfish. Jyn knew that. Knew that Cassian would want to see Eura more than anyone else, but… she had to make sure he was still alive.

“Jyn…”

She had only gotten two mouthfuls of caf into her system before Kay spoke her name, and he was offering her a datapad. Right, the one that had been left behind in Cassian’s room.

“Is he…”

“He was sedated when I left. I do not know his present condition, save that they do not think he requires a second surgery. The fact they did not place him into a coma says that his brain function is satisfactory.” That didn’t tell her everything she wanted to know, but it would give her time to hit the fresher before heading to medical, and getting her own treatment.

“Jyn, there is something you need to know.”

She looks up again, fixing a glare at Kay, because it’s too early for this sort of cryptic talk. Eura is busy still eating, not even noticing them talking, and she lets out a sigh before giving Kay a nod, because fine then, something she needs to know.

“Jyn, they used the Death Star again.”

The cup in her hand drops, hitting the floor, and Eura lets out a gasp, but Jyn doesn’t move, even as the hot liquid hits her bare feet and glass shatters. She doesn’t move even as Kay cleans it up around her, telling Eura to not leave the chair she’s sitting in. She simply stands there, in shock, unable to breathe.

They used the Death Star again. Another planet destroyed. Her father’s destruction, still free, and the plans missing. They had failed.

 

* * *

 

Jyn had run from the room as soon as she could process what was going on. Eura had been concerned, but Jyn couldn’t - she couldn’t be the adult right now, she couldn’t comfort the little girl. The Death Star had been used again, and she had failed, because the plans were lost, her team was in medical, and she couldn’t even sign to join the rebellion.

Her feet were still bare, her hair falling down from the bun it was kept in, and her shirt half unbuttoned, exposing the tank that she had on underneath. The command center had been in an uproar, but General Draven saw her as soon as she came in, wild fury in her eyes, breathing hard. Their eyes had locked, and then she had crossed to him, shaking her head.

“What planet,” she demands to know, and she has to know, because Scarif had been an otherwise unused Empire outpost, and Jedha had been… it had people and the temple, but it hadn’t been much. She suspects that this time, the death toll is much higher.

“Alderaan,” he says, and she has to choke back a sob, because Alderaan… she had spent time there, a long time ago. Why would they attack a planet like that? Bail Organa… he had been there, he had believed in her. She remembered him, just barely, from when she had been a girl, tucked against Saw’s leg, and he had come to talk with Saw about the actions of the Partisans. He had always been kind…

“Why would they attack Alderaan?” she asks in a gasp, because yes, it was loyal, but this was all out war. This was a declaration of what the Empire would do. This was…

“The Princess is the one that has the plans,” Draven explains, and she practically recoils as though struck, because this is her fault, all her fault. She should have gotten the plans off planet, should have had a better plan, should have done something more. If her Papa had made it back here, to Yavin, he could have drawn up the plans, rather than them having to steal them. There could have been another way.

“Does Bail Organa know?” The Queen… she was likely still on the planet. Oh Force…

“Bail Organa had returned to Alderaan, to take the news of what had occured…” So he was dead, the plans were with the Princess, and she was… who knew where.

“We’ve received communications from the Princess. She has the plans… but the Death Star is following them.”

“And where are they going?” Jyn asks, and she can feel every eye on her. Those that are in this room, they remember her. Most of them had been here when she had given her speech, demanded that they go to Scarif. And now, here she was, hair undone, wearing no shoes, her shirt half open, looking at them all wildly. “Where is the Death Star headed?”

No one is answering her, and she turns in place, looking for someone to answer her. Her father’s weapon, chasing after the only way to destroy it. Where was it going? Where was it headed.

“Jyn.”

Her name, her first name, on the General’s lips, it horrifies her. She turns to look at him, mouth parted, and she knows the answer. The Princess was bringing back the plans, leading the Death Star straight to the rebellion outpost.

“Jyn, take Eura, and run. Run to the other side of the galaxy if you have to. There isn’t enough time to evacuate… we have hours, maybe a day if we’re lucky, but we’ve been careless. This base is too spread out, we’re not prepared. You can get out of here, though.”

Her lips are shaking and she’s horrified, because she can’t just run. Why wasn’t the base evacuating? Why was everything so calm outside of these doors? Why didn’t anyone know?

“You have to evacuate the planet!” she gasped, because anyone that stayed on the planet would be killed with the destruction. There had to be enough time…

“This is where we make a stand,” Draven says, shaking his head. Alderaan, destroyed, and Yavin 4 next… “There isn’t enough time to evacuate all personnel. We’re going to clear the politicians, the civilians, medical-”

Cassian. Cassian would be evacuated.

“But this is where the war begins. Either we destroy it, or it destroys us.”

She jerks her head, shaking it no, when she feels Draven grab her hand.

“Jyn, you need to run. Once the evacuation officially begins, I cannot guarantee you passage off the planet. You may be separated from Eura. If you’re going to go, you have to go now.”

She gives a nod of her head, because okay then. Cassian will be evacuated, they would make their stand against the Death Star, and Jyn… she had to take Eura and run.

Looking around the room, she sees their faces. This is it, for them. Years upon years of watching and waiting for this war to begin, and here it was, her father’s weapon. She had done all she could for them, giving them access to the path of destruction. If they ran now, they would all be scattered. A base of this size, it didn’t just happen, and Draven was right - they were unprepared. They had been too settled here on Yavin.

It was now or nothing.

“May the Force be with you,” she says, and then she turns and leaves, running all the way across the base back to her rooms.

 

* * *

 

Jyn knows that she scares them both when she runs back into the room, but there isn’t enough time. She doesn’t know how long they have until the evacuation begins.. Likely, it will begin as soon as every Senator is off planet, so that all that remains is civilians and military personnel. That means they have to pack their things now, particularly if she’s going to get Baze from Medical, and Cassian - she still hasn’t seen Cassian.

“Eura,” she says, dropping to one knee, and it hurts, her leg is killing her, but there isn’t time for it. Her cast, she has to get this off before they leave base, even if it is too soon. “Eura, look at me. I need for you to trust me. Can you do that?”

Eura nods her head, and the two females share a long look that says that this is serious, that Eura is about to have to grow up, and Jyn hates it, because she deserves better than this, but Jyn… she has to get them off Yavin.

“I need for you to go into your room and pack everything. Clothes, books, toys, all of it into your trunk. Can you do that for me?”

Eura’s eyes fill up with tears, and then she asks - “Are you taking me away?”

Jyn shakes her head, because that’s not what this is at all, and she’s trying to not cry before wrapping her arms tight around Eura. “No, I’m not taking you away, sweetheart. We’re evacuating this base. Everyone is leaving, including your Papa. We have to pack up your things and his, so that we can take them to our new home, okay?”

Eura seems to get it and she hugs Jyn back tight, then pulls away to go into her room. Jyn’s hands are shaking as she looks at Kay, and she takes in a deep breath before standing.

“Pack everything of Cassian’s that you can. Clothes, shoes, personal effects. The Death Star is headed here. We won’t be coming back.”

“What are you planning?” the droid asks, and honestly, Jyn doesn’t know what she’s doing, the plan still forming in her head, but they can’t stay here, and that’s a guarantee.

“Draven says that Eura will be sent with the civilians, but I’m not… I’m not one of them. You probably won’t be part of the evacuation plans either. They’re making their stand here. If we’re going to stay together, we have to go now.”

Her voice shakes a little, and she goes to the box of things that the Senator had given her. She can see an empty pack poking out of the closet, and Jyn grabs it, beginning to shove her things into it, boots, extra clothing, toiletries… there’s still space, and she strips the bed of it’s blanket, because the shuttle might get cold, and she’ll do what she can to keep Eura comfortable.

“Are you planning to abandon Cassian?”

Jyn shakes her head and takes in a deep breath. “I’m heading there next, to get my cast off, and to ask if we can go with them. Draven offered us the shuttle we took from Scarif, but I would rather if we went with the medical frigate. I want you both prepared, no matter what. We’ll bring Baze with us, if he can’t stay with Chirrut. Have everything ready to go by the time I get back.”

She’s tying her bag and setting it by the door, then goes to get herself finished dressed with what’s left, her boots, combing back her hair, buttoning her shirt. She had looked a mess in the command center, but if the Death Star got there before anyone was ready, they wouldn’t live long enough to remember.

“Thank you, Jyn Erso.”

Jyn looks up at Kay to see him looking at her strangely, but then she gives a nod. Droids would be the last evacuated, she realizes. If Yavin was destroyed, Kay would go with it.

“I’ll be back soon,” she promises, and heads out the door towards medical, two datapads in hand.

 

* * *

 

Making her way to Medical, everything seems… normal. Nothing is really off until she reaches the doors that are normally wide open… and finds it being guarded. She stops abruptly, then thinks it over - it’s because within these doors, there was an evacuation being planned. Right. And no one else could know.

“Let me through,” she says to one of them, and they look her over for a moment, and then she lifts her arm towards them. “I know what’s going on. I have to get my cast off _before_ …”

She lets her words drop off, and then two exchange a look before letting her through, the doors opening just enough for her to slip in.

What was originally the trauma area was now filled with boxes, and she realizes it’s food. Right, because the medical wing was really a medical frigate, and it was going to take off once evacuations began. Jyn blinked again, then went towards one of the droids. “I need this off. Find me a medic.”

The response she got was one telling her to find someone else, and she let out a groan. She didn’t give a kark about her leg, but she wasn’t about to leave this base with her arm still covered in a cast. She looks around until she finds a medic, tools in hand, probably to store them before they began transport. Made sense.

“Get this karking thing off of me,” she says, grabbing the kid by the arm. He looks at her, startled, and she waves her cast at him. “Evacuations are happening soon, and I have a child to get off this base. I need this thing gone, now.”

The medic is flustered, and she rolls her eyes, because honestly, she doesn’t have time for this. “Sergeant Jyn Erso. I was told they would take it off tomorrow - either you take it off now, or I hack at it with a blade.”

That seems to get the point across, because five minutes later, there’s a rotating blade cutting into the casing around her arm. A few minutes later, there’s a new layer of bacta gel applied, and she’s given a small bottle of it to take with her. Her leg will just have to go without, and she denies any treatment for it.

“Wait here,” the medic insists, and Jyn gives him two minutes before she leaves. He has fifteen seconds left when he returns, and he has a splint and a wrap to put around her arm. She tries not to wince as it gets wrapped up, and then he’s shoving a bottle of pills into her hand.

“Good luck, Sergeant Erso,” the kid says, and she gives him a nod before heading off towards the ICU.

This is a bit more chaotic, likely because they would be heading into hyperspace, and that couldn’t be good for anyone in medical. No one really noticed her as she headed into Bodhi’s room, and she was greeting with a smile. Jyn smiled back and went straight towards him, grabbing the hand that was still there.

“Good to see you awake,” she says with a grin, and Bodhi laughs in response.

“They said you had been by,” Bodhi says carefully, like he’s thinking through the words heavily. “They, the doctor, she, well, she said that you had told them about what happened to me. They, the doctors, I mean, they can do something to help…”

Jyn nods, and squeezes his hand tight, before a medic slips in, syringes in hand. Their eyes meet, and the medic seems unsure of what to say, before Jyn beats him to it.

“Right, evacuation. I’m guessing you’re sedating him?” she asks, and the medic lets out a sigh of relief.

“We’re leaving in less than thirty minutes, so if you’re getting off, that’s your timeline.”

Jyn gives a nod and smiles before turning back to Bodhi.

“I can’t come with you,” she says, and she wishes she could stay, but Eura.

“What-” the medic is getting ready to inject the liquid, and Jyn touches his cheek fondly, their pilot. He had gotten them out, and she would love to sit here with him, but she had a duty.

“I’ll explain everything to you one day,” she promises, and she squeezes his hand before letting go.

“Goodbye, Jyn,” Bodhi says, but Jyn shakes her head no.

“I’ll see you soon.”

Stepping back into the hallway, Jyn sees a medic stepping out of Chirrut’s room. She catches the door before it fully shuts, and sees Baze sitting beside Chirrut’s bed, Chirrut asleep.

“Did they just sedate him?” Jyn asks, and she touches Bodhi’s shoulder as she approaches.

“Yes, and won’t tell me a karking thing that’s going on. I guess you know?”

Jyn gives a nod, then sucks in a breath, because saying the words out loud… “The Death Star destroyed Alderaan. All of it. The whole planet… and it’s coming here next.”

Baze stiffens then gives a nod, and she squeezes where she’s touching him. “And you can’t come with us?”

Jyn shakes her head. She’s going to ask, but she already knows the answer. “They probably won’t let me bring Eura, or Kay. I’m taking the shuttle, getting us out of here. We’ll try to follow.”

Baze gives a nod, then stands and wraps her into a hug. It’s huge, and it’s what she needs, and she squeezes back. “I will see you again soon, little sister. Take care of the small one for all of us. I will stay with them.”

She hates letting go, but she has one last room-

Going across the hall, Jyn touches the handle, then pushes it open. There’s a medic sitting beside Cassian, and he looks up with fire in his eyes. Cassian, however, is asleep. As expected, of course.

“He had to be sedated. After you left, he tried to follow you, and hurt himself. Then when the General came by… well, he didn’t take news very well.”

“I know what happened,” she says, and the medic gives a shrug, because he probably doesn’t know everything. “I know, the evacuation.”

She takes in a slow breath, then finally walks to Cassian. She hasn’t seen him this close since he was carried from the shuttle, and she finally, _finally_ , picks up his hand. Squeezing it tight, Jyn then lifts it to her lips, pressing her kiss against his knuckles.

“Where are his clothes?” she asks, and the medic fixes her with a look that says she’s an idiot, because of course he’s in a hospital gown, and she lets out a huff, because really, obviously she means what he came in wearing. “I mean what he was wearing before.”

The medic shakes his head and then goes to one of the cabinets. Opening it up, he pulls out a bag. Jyn raises her brow when she realizes that most of it was cut fabric, but she sucks in a breath before starting to look through it. Pants, shirt, belt, socks, holster- inside of one of his boots, she found it. Jyn withdrew the pendant, and then pressed her lips together.

“Can I… Can I give this to him to hold, so he sees it when he wakes up?”

There’s a long moment of staring between the two, and then the medic gives her a nod. “I’ll make a note of it in his file… would you like a few minutes alone with him?”

Jyn gives a few jerky nods, and then she’s left alone with Cassian, the kyber crystal held tight in one hand, and the now useless datapad, since she didn’t really need a map for a base that would no longer exist, held to her chest. She takes a seat beside Cassian, and then takes in a breath. There’s a way to record messages on it, and she props it up against his leg, sitting it on the bed.

She’s very careful, opening up Cassian’s fingers, and she presses the kyber crystal into his palm. She wraps his hand around it, and then covers it with her own hand. Her lips press to his knuckles, and then she turns to the datapad, opening up the recording section. She smiles a little to herself, then hits the button to record.

Taking in another deep breath, Jyn looks at her own reflection, noting how tired she looks, how her hair is falling down again, but this isn’t about her.

“Hello, Cassian…”

 

* * *

  

Jyn isn’t sure when exactly she made this decision, but it was clear to her, now. There was very few things that mattered to her. She cared about Bodhi, how he had risked everything for the rebellion, for her father, to carry the message. She cared about Baze, and Chirrut, how they had spent their lives being Guardians, how they had believed in her, how they would stay with her. She cared about Kay, even if he was practically a walking target. She cared about Eura, and how she smiled at Jyn, and seemed like a mixture of herself and Cassian. She cared about Cassian, and how he always came back for her, how he had welcomed her home - how he had risked his life to save hers.

She wasn’t going to run anymore. She wouldn’t leave anyone behind. Maybe, once, it had been all about her survival, but it was real to her, now. This rebellion was real to her, and the Empire, and she couldn’t just stand aside and watch the galaxy lose their freedom. It went beyond destroying the Death Star and completing her father’s work. She could no longer look around and see tyranny rule.

When she walked to Mon Mothma, standing near to her transport to take her off planet, Jyn was pure confidence. She was doing this, doing this for all of her team, but also for herself. There was no going to the other side of the galaxy - she was staying, she was fighting. Well, after this battle, at least.

“I would like to formally join the rebellion,” Jyn said, offering the datapad, with her signature, to the Senator. She was given a smile in response, and then a crestfallen look. What had changed, in one day, other than the arrival of the Death Star?

“Jyn, I cannot accept this,” the woman said, handing back the datapad.

“Why not?” Jyn asked, and she was… stunned. They had all wanted her to stay, to join, but now they were denying her?

“Because if you join, you will have to stay here, for the duration of the battle, while Eura will be sent to Naboo, with the rest of the civilians.”

Jyn blinked, because yes, that made mild sense… she hadn’t really thought of that, but it would be fine. “And then I’ll gather her from Naboo, and bring her to wherever Cassian and I are.”

“No, Jyn.” The Senator’s voice was oddly soft in the hangar bay, but Jyn heard every word. “You will be sent to whatever base you are assigned to, while Captain Andor will be traveling somewhere else entirely, in the medical transport.”

“And then I will go-”

“Once we leave this base, protocol states that there is no communications, no transports, until we reconvene on a more permanent base. The rebellion is being fragmented, until a new headquarters can be established. There will be no radio communications, nothing.”

Separated. That’s what the Senator was trying to say. If Jyn joined the Rebellion, the three of them would be separated.

“Where is the medical transport going?” Jyn asked, because that was… she was running there, then. That’s where she would run.

“I shouldn’t… it is one of our more specialized bases, headed by General Draven. A center of Intelligence. You cannot simply… there are access codes, and defenses.”

Meaning that Jyn couldn’t simply go to that planet, couldn’t just appear. Likely, an otherwise abandoned moon. Jyn licked her lips and took in a slow breath, because there had to be an answer -

“Wait, General Draven?”

The women shared a look, and then Jyn blinked. There was a small smile on Mon Mothma’s lips, and Jyn glanced around the hangar, her eyes locking on her shuttle.

“Remember, Jyn, there can be no civilians on a military base, because we _cannot_ transport them off, once they are on.”

Every single word screamed of one thing - if Jyn took Eura with her, Eura couldn’t be sent away.

“Understood, ma’am,” Jyn says with a slight smirk, and she nods her head before going to find General Draven.

 

* * *

 

Heading to the command center meant passing close enough to Cassian’s quarters, that it really wasn’t out of the way. Stepping into the room, she’s pleased to see that everything is packed, or at least, she assumes everything. The door to Eura’s room is open and the bed has been stripped of even it’s linens, and Cassian’s closet is empty. There are full bags sitting in a neat stack, and Eura is sitting on the only chair at the desk, a book in her hands.

“It’s time to go,” Jyn says, and she gives a nod to Kay. “Load up everything into the shuttle. If anyone asks, say that I’m running, and taking Eura with me. No talk of the evacuation. If there’s enough space, take Eura’s mattress as well. There’s no living quarters on the shuttle, so we’ll have to try and make it as comfortable as possible with what we have.”

Kay gives her a nod and picks up Cassian’s trunk, heading out the door - it will take the droid a few trips, to be certain, but at least he’s not arguing with her. Time is short, and she knows that Kay has likely already run the statistics of them evacuating without any sort of confrontation. The less arguments between the two of them, the better.

Sinking down onto her good knee, Jyn grabbed Eura’s hands in hers, squeezing them for a moment, forcing herself to smile. “Do you remember how I told you I would stay with you?”

Eura nods, and Jyn smiles a little more, because this is the right decision, and she was going to do this, to keep them all together. “If we want to stay together, and go with your Papa, then we’re going to have to do something that might get me in trouble.”

Eura nodded again, and Jyn brushed back some of her hair from her face. “Your Papa, he woke up. We can’t see him yet, because we’re going somewhere new, but once we get there, we’ll be able to see him. I promise.”

They just had to get off this base first.

“So Papa is going to be okay?”

Jyn smiled at that, a real smile, because Cassian had woken up, he had moved his toes, and it might take a year, but Cassian would survive, and this sweet girl wouldn’t have to be an orphan like herself, like Cassian, like Bodhi…

“He’s going to be okay, Eura, but I need for you to be brave, okay?”

“Does this mean you’re going to leave me?”

Jyn raised a brow, because that didn’t make sense. She had just said they were going to stay together. “What would make you think that I would leave?”

“Because, you only stayed with me because Papa wasn’t well. If he gets better, are you going to leave?”

Her heart broke a little, because that was what scared her. This had all happened so fast, and it was too soon to make any real decisions, but Cassian was home, and his daughter was love, and this family she had formed, she would fight for it, and while she hoped she wouldn’t die for it, she would certainly try to live for it.

“Even after your Papa gets better, I’m staying. I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.”

Eura nodded quickly, and Jyn could see the tears in her eyes. Her thumbs ran underneath, trying to catch them, but now, Jyn was crying as well.

“Are you going to be my Mama?” Eura asked, and Jyn burst into real tears, and she didn’t know the answer, because she would love to have a daughter like this, and a child with Cassian…

“I- I don’t know?”

She wanted to say yes, but what if Cassian didn’t feel the same way? There hadn’t been time, hadn’t been enough time, but kriff, she had thought about it, had thought about it while she held onto him, that she could have been happy with him, imagined a future with him, and it was too soon, but if there was a chance at happiness… She would feel it with Cassian.

“Don’t you want to be my mama?”

The tears running down Jyn’s cheeks fell harder, and she wrapped her arms around Eura, pulling her to her in a big hug. “I would love nothing more. We’ll take it over with your Papa, okay?”

“Okay,” Eura whispered, and Jyn knew she didn’t understand, not really, but she would, eventually.

“Now, I need for you to be a big girl, and gather up your bags. When Kay comes back, you’re going to follow him, and you’re going to sit in the cockpit until we’re ready to take off. There’s going to be a lot of confusion, so no one will see you, but you have to stay there, and stay quiet, okay?”

Eura nodded, and Jyn cradled her cheek in one hand, then pressed her lips to the girl’s forehead. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, and then we’ll take off.”

Eura nodded again, then hopped off of the chair to get her own bag, and throw it onto her back. Jyn took a moment to look around the room, making certain there was no hidden panels, nothing tucked away, everything was packed, and then pick up her datapad. She flipped through the various documents until she found the ones she needed, and quickly filled them out before leaving to find General Draven.

 

* * *

 

The command center was insanity, but more than a few paused for a moment to look at her strangely as she entered. That made sense - it had only been a few hours since she had last been in this room, and she had looked terrible, distraught, and had practically run out of the room, planning to run. Now, Jyn held her head high, and strolled up to General Draven, handing him the datapad.

“What is this? What are you still doing here, Erso?”

Ah. He must be feeling less panicked, given his use of her last name.

“My official paperwork, sir. I’m joining the Rebellion… and immediately requesting leave.”

Draven had frozen at her first words, and then he had begun to flip - Jyn was joining the Rebellion, she was requesting assignment under General Draven, she was claiming Eura Andor as her dependent, she was requesting to take temporary leave, she was requesting temporary possession of the Imperial Shuttle that she had recently acquired, she was - the last page made him pause, then look up at her with a look she couldn’t read.

“The Officer Program? Really, Erso?”

Jyn gave a shrug and crossed her arms under her breasts. She wasn’t going to defend herself - but she would slightly answer his question. “The way I see it, I trained under Saw Gerrera for most of my life. I was his best soldier, his right hand. That makes me sort of a Commander, given that he was in charge of his own army. Consider this to be me transfering to the Rebel Alliance. I’ll take your silly test, to prove that I’m worthy of the rank, and then we can go about our lives, arguing _together_ whenever any politicians that are unaware of the realities of war try to tell us how to complete our mission.”

General Draven was already signing each page before she finished speaking, including the last one. He connected the datapad to his own, transferring copies of the documents, Jyn could see, then handed it back, after sending her one from his datapad.

“You’re being assigned to the base at Crait. You have three weeks to get there - enjoy your leave.”

Jyn gave a nod, then took a step back, wanting to make certain something was clear. “Sir, the Medical-”

“Crait, Erso,” the General snapped, and he already had his back to her. “And take that droid with you.”

“Yes, sir,” she said with a smirk.

“And Erso?”

“Yes sir?” she asks, a question on the tip of her tongue as she began backing out of the room.

“Remember, once you’re on the base, there’s no leaving.”

Jyn gave a nod, not that he could see it, and turned, leaving the room. “Yes, sir.”

Looking down at the datapad, Jyn saw what he had sent to her - coordinates to the base at Crait, a list of those assigned there, including most Intelligence, a squadron of X-wings, and the medical transports, and the pass codes to gain access to the base.

Fifteen days. It would take fifteen days to get to Crait. And when they got there? Cassian would be there as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8, we will be following Cassian and the medical frigate! It will be up sometime on Sunday!
> 
> ( For anyone that wants to inform me that they didn't evacuate Yavin immediately, or wants to tell me that medical on Yavin wasn't a ship... 1. There's no way civilians would have stuck around on Yavin like no wtf 2. The Empire knows where they are they wouldn't stay 3. They didn't go to Hoth for 3.5 years and were fractured in that time and idk if they went to Crait but fuck it and 4. There was medical frigates and that's what we're going with because PLOT. )
> 
> So I know I said we would have regular updates from here on out, but next week is Jyn Erso week. I'm doing half gifsets half fic, and I haven't finished writing Chapter 9, yet, which is on the calendar for next Wednesday. If it comes down to it, I may have to push posting this fic back a few days. So... yeah. Really sorry if that's what comes out of this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Alderaan has been destroyed by the Death Star, and Princess Leia is returning to Yavin with the plans. The Death Star is just behind them, which means that Yavin is under evacuation, or at least, the politicians, medical, and all civilians are. General Draven tells Jyn to take Eura and run, but that means losing any ability to contact Cassian, and she won’t take it. By the time she reaches medical, her friends have all been sedated in preparation for transport, so she leaves Cassian a message. In the end, she formally joins the Rebellion and receives her assignment - she’s to report to Crait in two weeks time, where the Medical transport is heading, and with a special package in tow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Physical Therapy sucks, yo. Also Pining. So much pining.

When Cassian finally opens his eyes, all he can think is _kriff, why does everything ache_. It takes him a few minutes to blink, clearing sleep from his eyes, and he tries to talk, but his throat is dry. It’s a little blurry at first, but the lights in the room he is in are dimmed. There’s a quick assessment - he feels nothing binding him anywhere, on his wrists or ankles, and there is a hum in the background that sounds like a ship, not moving, but a ship all the same, and the bed feels stiff. Very stiff.

A few more blinks, and Cassian looks into eyes that are watching him, and the uniform is alliance issue. He recognizes the person in front of him, in fact, and Cassian finally lets out a noise, a huff. Why is the Head of Medical watching him wake up, and why can’t he sit up, and why - there’s a hand pushing something cold into his mouth, and he wants to clench his teeth, but _alliance_ , and so he lets them push ice chips into his mouth. If it was some sort of drug, they would likely inject it into his arm, so it has to be as simple as he assumes. Ice chips, because they would help to moisten his throat, and he couldn’t choke… probably because he was more or less laying flat, although his bed was slightly bent up, so not entirely.

“Captain Andor?”

Cassian blinks twice, because he’s still not sure he can try talking yet, and he opens his mouth for a few more chips. The aching is already becoming pain, and he wants to ask what happened to him, but then it’s flashing before him.

Scarif. They had gone to Scarif. Climbing the tower, telling Jyn to climb, falling, climbing again, shooting, running, falling, and every breath hurting. Kay… he remembers Kay, but Kay had died, and then… Jyn. Jyn had been in medical. He had woken up, again and again, and again and again. Draven had been there, and then- he had fallen? And then it was flashing, more waking up, more falling asleep, over and over again.

And all he can do is groan.

“I have bad news for you, Captain Andor. You’re likely going to remember waking up this time. We’ve lowered your pain medicine, now that we’re out of hyperspace, and your sedative. You were… _difficult_ , during transport. We had to regularly sedate you so that you didn’t injure yourself further.”

He wants to ask how he had injured himself before, but he vaguely remembers hitting his head when he had fallen out of the bed. Why had he fallen out of the bed? Cassian had never been in medical before, save for his vaccinations, and had always treated himself easily in the field if he had any injuries, but he hadn’t thought he would be a difficult patient… at least, not to the point of injuring himself.

“Jyn,” he finally croaked out, because Jyn… she had been here. He remembered that, remembered reaching for her, but then he had blinked, and she was gone. Was that it, then? Was it a blink and she was gone?

And where even were they?

“Sergeant Erso came to see you before we left Yavin. I believe she left you a message, and something else.”

The doctor tapped something on his wrist, and Cassian turned his head to look and see, and then, held tight in his hand, was her kyber crystal. A moment of panic struck him, because why would Jyn leave that behind? There was a story behind it, he knew, something precious that he had hoped, she would one day, explain to him, but now… why would he leave it with him? There was a hope, that she would come back for it, unless she was running off to do something stupid, and left it to him to remember her by…

“Eura?” He should have asked after Eura first, but he knew that no matter what, his daughter would be taken care of. If he was in medical, and it had taken off from Yavin… she wouldn’t be here. He knew no civilians would be allowed on the medical frigate when it was in transport, as was protocol, which meant she was somewhere else…

“Was with Sergeant Erso. I cannot tell you anymore than that, but you can ask General Draven once he arrives on the planet.”

Planet. They were on another planet. Or… not really, because he could feel the slight rumble, telling him they were still in space. They were in orbit, then, but ready to land, soon. He just didn’t know where.

“How long?” Words are becoming easier, and there’s more ice being pushed into his mouth, which is good, because he needs it.

“That’s a loaded question, Captain. You arrived at medical over four weeks ago. We’ll go more into what has happened over that time in a moment. As for how long ago we left Yavin, we traveled for 22 days, and arrived here last night.”

Twenty days. He had lost more than twenty days.

The plans. What had happened to the plans? Why did he have this inkling memory that the Death Star had been used again? Why had they left Yavin? How could he find out where Jyn was? Why were they calling her a Sergeant? Kay, was Kay really alive?

_Where was Eura?_

“Where?”

“Crait. There’s an old rebellion base here from the early days. It was being updated, as a small outpost, but when the call went out to evacuate, we were given orders to come here. The base isn’t much, but medical is self sustaining.”

“Who else?”

“General Draven, a number of his Intelligence Officers, and a group of X-Wings. The X-Wings arrived a day before we did, and the General a few hours.”

He knew where he was. He knew when it was. He knew as much as possible about Jyn and Eura as he could. General Draven would be here more to explain, soon.

“Why leave Yavin?”

The Doctor shakes his head, and Cassian realizes that maybe he doesn’t know. Not really. Not the answer that Cassian will likely get once Draven arrives. “The base was compromised. That’s all I know. I imagine I’ll be updated after we’ve landed on the planet.”

“When?”

“When will we be landing on the planet? It will probably take four weeks. There’s not a large enough space for us attached to the base, so they’ll have to build a passageway, or something like that.”

He was too tired to ask anymore questions, and took in a deep breath… then remembered one more. He could feel his feet, he thought, enough to know that these socks were scratchy, and his toes were still cold, but…

“Will I walk?”

The doctor gave a nod and stood up, clapping Cassian on the shoulder. “Captain Andor, you will run again. It might just take a while, which you happen to have. We’re expected to be here for at least six months. Consider this a vacation.”

Cassian gave a nod… he would be walking before they left this base, for certain… four weeks. He had been in this bed for four weeks.

His hand tightened around Jyn’s crystal, and he wanted to ask, wanted to know, but there was no answer for him. He couldn’t demand the doctor answer for something that he had no knowledge of. Instead, he let his eyes drift shut.

“Oh, and Captain - there was a message left for you, on the datapad. If you’re interested in listening to it…”

 

* * *

  

The next time Cassian wakes up, he is decidedly very much in pain. It’s no longer a dull ache, but instead a stabbing pain, somewhere in his chest, every time he takes a breath, and running up his body. He wants to pull up the hospital gown, to look, but his arms feel too heavy for that. He lets out a groan, instead, and turns his head, looking for someone. The room is empty, save for a datapad on the counter. His arm reaches out to touch it, but it’s too far away, or his arm is too heavy, Cassian can’t tell.

He gives up, and closes his eyes, and then when they’re open again, someone is coming into the room. It’s a medic, and Cassian isn’t sure if five seconds, five minutes, or five hours have passed, but his eyes are open now, and the medic knows it.

“Time?”

“It is currently 1830. You’ve been asleep approximately nine hours.”

Draven should be there soon, then. That was… that was good. Except, that the General had a base to establish, and likely didn’t have time to visit the medical frigate. And if he did? It wouldn’t be visit Cassian.

“Can I get up?” he asked, and the medic snorted.

“I think not. I’ll com the doctor after I check your vitals. We’re a bit thin on medical droids right now. Left a number of them on Yavin, to help with the battle.”

Battle? There was a battle?

Cassian realized he hadn’t asked that out loud… but there was no point. The Doctor hadn’t known before, so he doubted that a medic would know either. Evacuations were very precise, and he remembers when they had written the plans for evacuating Yavin, over ten years earlier… Cassian suspected it was likely a mess.

“The datapad?” he asks, and he tips his head towards the datapad on the counter beside the bed. The medic pauses, then picks it up and sets it in Cassian’s lap. He can move his arms just enough to touch the screen and turn it on, and it’s not much, except… except that there’s a single file on it, a video message. Somehow, Cassian knows it’s for him.

“When you’re finished… give me a few minutes before you com the doctor? I want to watch this.”

The medic hums as he finishes looking at something, and then gives a nod. It only takes a few seconds, and then Cassian is alone, staring at the screen. He opens it up, and it doesn’t automatically start, but he sees Jyn’s face, and he freezes, because _Jyn Erso_ left a video message for him, and he-

There was a battle, on Yavin 4. He had injured himself, somehow, and the Death Star had been used again… What if Jyn was still on Yavin, and the planet had been destroyed. Eura - what if his daughter?

His fingers were shaking as he hit play, and Jyn’s crisp voice filled the air.

“Hello, Cassian.”

He smiles a little, trying to ignore the tears in his eyes, because Jyn Erso… he could hear her voice, and it was beautiful, and it was filled with hope, and he didn’t know where she was or how she was or if she was even alive, but… at least he had this.

“I imagine you have a lot of questions, so we’ll get the difficult bits out of the way first. The Death Star was used again, on Alderaan. I know. Trust me, I know. The plans were temporarily lost, but they were retrieved again by Princess Leia. She’s bringing them back to Yavin, but the Death Star is following her. They’ll be here within the day, maybe hours. We don’t know.”

She’s taking a deep breath, and then a smile pulls tight over her lips, small and personal, like she’s deep in thought, but he knows it. She’s trying to keep a brave face, even now.

“The facts are, the base is being evacuated, and there isn’t enough space in the transport. They’ll take Eura with the civilians, but there’s no telling where she’ll end up. Kay will be left behind, or I can take him with me on the shuttle we brought back from Scarif… but then, I don’t know how I’ll find you again. I can join the Rebellion and stay behind, and then Eura is by herself. I can stay on the Medical Transport with you, but that means leaving Kay behind, and Eura is alone. So, I have to decide…”

She’s licking her lips, and he does it himself, because he doesn’t know what she’s staying, is hoping on everything she didn’t stay behind. “I’m taking Eura and Kay on the shuttle, and I’m going to join the Rebellion and try to follow you to wherever you’re going. I don’t know if it will work, but General Draven and I have come to some sort of a truce, because of you, and Eura…”

There’s a smile on Jyn’s lips again, and this one is new, because it looks like love, and peace, and he wants to hold her, wants to cling to her.

“She’s _beautiful_ , Cassian. She’s so sweet and kind, intelligent, funny… and I’ve only spent a full day with her. I don’t know why you think that I would be the right person to take care of her, but I promise you, no matter what happens, I will keep her safe.”

Jyn’s lips are shaking, and he can tell how hard she’s trying, but then there are tears in her eyes, and she’s looking down at something, and he realizes it’s his hand. She had been in this room, holding his hand, and he watches as she lifts his hand, presses her lips to his knuckles.

She had kissed his skin, and he wasn’t even conscious to remember it.

“If we don’t find you at your next base, start looking for us. I’ll leave a trail. Kay will help me. The Guardians are with you, and Bodhi - they’ll find me if you’re unable to leave. Look for us, Cassian. We’re going to try and find you. I’m going to bring your little girl back to you… and maybe your droid, if I don’t disassemble him first.”

She’s crying and laughing and he wants to touch her, has tears running down his own face, and she’s so beautiful to him, perfect, knowing what he needs to hear, promising to take care of his daughter, to bring her home.

“Cassian, I need you to know, if anything happens… I-”

Her words cut off as she sucks in a breath, and then there’s a sound in the background - the warning, before the frigate takes off. She jerks her head up at the sound, and then kisses his knuckles again.

“Look to the Force, and you will find us,” she whispers, and then the screen goes dark.

Cassian hears nothing, when the doctor finally comes in, says nothing as exam after exam is performed, as they give him a detailed list of his treatment plan, as they ask if he has any questions.

Jyn is out there, somewhere, with his daughter - and he’s in love with her.

 

* * *

 

He’s… tired. Waking up is exhausting, because everything hurts, but today is a new day. The news from the night before had been bad… his body had taken a beating. Then again, the news had also been good. He hadn’t been expected to live, and yet, the doctors all, because of course there was multiple, confirmed that he would walk again. The damage to his spine had been bad, and his lungs, and his head, and he was missing his spleen, and his shoulder - but he would walk. It would take time and physical therapy, but maybe it was time for him to finally accept a promotion.

Actually, he would probably have to. A man that limped around was no use as a spy, not really. He had to be able to sneak around, to be able to climb and jump and run. He needed to be unrecognizable, and his aliases wouldn’t be able to explain his injury. By the time he would be walking normal again, able to perform his duties, everything would be burned, too old.

It seemed as though Cassian Andor, the spy, the assassin, the saboteur… he was dead. The man that was laying in this bed now… well, Cassian didn’t know what he would become, but he knew one thing. No more undercover ops meant more time on base, which meant more time with his daughter… wherever she was.

He hoped that Jyn had gotten her safe. No, he knew that Jyn had gotten her safe, but he had no idea where in the galaxy they were. Maybe the General had an idea, and no matter how much the man disliked Jyn… then again, Cassian had been told that Jyn had access to his medical records, which had to mean something. Only General Draven could have changed that.

He had too many questions, not enough answers.

Reaching over towards the tray behind him that, thankfully, the Doctor had left within reach, Cassian lifted the datapad. It hadn’t had much on it, but he could watch the video of Jyn again, or make a few notes of his own, a list of questions, and check the time. It _was_ morning, a bit early, too early to find out if General Draven had arrived, but…

The door opens, and Cassian turns his head to see who it is - and he’s surprised. He knew, from Jyn’s message, that Bodhi was on the frigate as well, but he hadn’t really expected to see him, here in this room, his hand missing. Bodhi looks happy, though, and has a tray held in his good hand. He sets it onto the counter, and pulls up a chair to sit beside Cassian’s bed.

“You’re finally awake! They said so, this morning. Brought you some breakfast - they’re keeping you to soft things for a while, but I’m hoping you’ll go easier on me than the medics.”

Cassian jerks his head in a nod, and he wants to ask, because why is Bodhi’s hand gone - and then he remembers Scarif, remembers the blood, remembers… he remembers enough to not ask.

“Are Baze and Chirrut here as well?”

Bodhi gives a nod, pulling the napkin off the tray and tucking it under Cassian’s chin, and if it was anyone else, he might contemplate stabbing them for this behavior… _oh_. That’s why the medics had sent Bodhi over anyone else.

“Baze and Chirrut are eating now. They might come by later, but Chirrut started physical therapy as soon as we landed here, and Baze is helping him. They’re trying to get him standing on his own. You’ll like the therapists - they’re nice.”

It would make sense, that Bodhi would know who they were. They worked closely with prosthetics, to learn a new limb… something Bodhi would have to do.

“How the uhh…”

Cassian gestures to Bodhi’s missing hand, and then there’s a spoonful of mush in his mouth. It’s not pleasant, but it’s not the worst thing Cassian has ever eaten.

“What, the missing hand? To be honest, not as terrible as you would assume. Now that we’ve landed, they’re going to get me a replacement hand, and then I can get into a flight sim. They’re making me a Lieutenant. I might be flying an x-wing before you’re out of this bed.”

Bodhi is grinning, but Cassian suddenly wants to throw up - he knew the plan, it was somewhere on that datapad, but Bodhi flying before he was walking, standing… he hated the thought. He wanted out of this bed now, not later…

“Sorry, sorry. Just, good news now that we’ve arrived. The sooner they get us landed, we can do something, but I don’t know anymore than that.”

Cassian’s hand tightened around the crystal in it, but the other reaches up and grabs the spoon from Bodhi - he can feed himself… as long as Bodhi holds the bowl.

“Jyn left me a message,” Cassian says before taking a bite.

Bodhi gives him a nod in response. “I saw her, briefly, before we took off. She got here just as they were sedating all of us. She told me about Alderaan, said that she would find us again.”

Cassian nodded, swallowing the bite in his mouth. There’s a bit of silence, and then Cassian is setting the spoon into the bowl, feeling really tired.

“She’s going to be okay. I wish you had seen her. She was… _determined_.”

There’s a knock at the door and Cassian looks up, just in time for it to open, and General Draven walking through. Bodhi jerks upright and looks between the two men, and really, Cassian hates that the General is seeing him in this current condition, but this is no time for pride. He needs to know about what happened at Yavin, needs to know if the Death Star had been destroyed, needs to know about the plans, about the forces left, about - he needs to know where Jyn and Eura are.

“General,” he manages to say, and then turns his head towards Bodhi. “Come back around lunch time?”

Bodhi nods, then quickly slides out the door, sidestepping the General, and leaving behind the breakfast tray. Cassian says nothing as the door is shut, and then Davits Draven takes the seat beside him where Bodhi had just been. There’s a stack of datapads in his hands, and they’re set onto the tray beside him, his own datapad, the one Jyn had left him, now at the very bottom.

“Where should we begin?” the General asks, and Cassian blinks for a moment, because he’s not even sure where they should begin. Was there even really a beginning to all of this? Oh right, the time he had disobeyed orders, stolen a shuttle, taken a number of rebel soldiers to a planet, and started a war.

“Sir, about Scarif-”

“Sanctioned mission,” Draven says with a wave of his hand, and he almost looks like he has practiced this. “Thank you for leading, with Sergeant Erso, the attack on the Scarif Citadel. You successfully recovered the plans, which were _eventually_ delivered to the Rebellion… and were used to destroy the Death Star.

Cassian freezes where he is, because that’s… Everything he really needed to know. Of course, there’s more.

“I already have a completed mission report from Sergeant Erso that will simply require your signature, and then, you will be receiving the rank of Major, in response for your leadership. Congratulations, Major Andor.”

Cassian is still frozen, because he’s being promoted, will be out of the field, he’s - the Death Star had been destroyed.

“Jyn, is she-”

“Oh, that is a whole other conversation,” the Davits says, and he’s _laughing_ . Cassian doesn’t know if he should be horrified or not, so instead he’s trapped, feeling like a child that isn’t sure if they’ve done good or bad. “I’m not sure who is more attached to the other, Eura or Jyn. Jyn has already used Eura against me twice, much as you did the first time you brought her to base… and Eura has already adopted the way that Jyn _respects_ authority.”

He’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing, but the way that General Draven is speaking, it sounds as though Jyn is _here_ , as though he had only just seen them, and if they were here, then-

“She’s here then? She’s on Crait?”

Davits gives a nod and crosses his arms across his chest. “Jyn Erso officially joined the Rebellion a few hours before the Battle of Yavin, and immediately took leave. Typical. I expect you to get her in line, given that I’m assigning her to you.”

Cassian’s face must be pure horror, and Davits laughs again, and really, that sound is horrifying. He must actually be enjoying this, or the joy of winning at Yavin was changing him, or - why was this happening to him?

“She can’t - there’s a conflict.”

“You mean the fact that you’re in love with her? You disobeyed multiple orders for a girl you had only just met. Of course I know your feelings for her - she’s assigned to you, and you’ll both sign a waiver saying your relationship began prior to her assignment.”

Except that… that wasn’t true at all. Jyn didn’t feel the same way for him, or maybe she did, or maybe it was too soon, and he hadn’t seen her since Scarif, not really, and he-

“Crait is a military only base. How is Eura here?”

Draven gave a shrug. “Must have snuck aboard Erso’s shuttle. Once in transit to Crait, there was no way to turn around. There’s no transports between bases, so she’ll have to stay here.”

They had planned this, the pair of them. It was obvious in the way that his superior was staring at him now, and he let out a relieved sigh. Jyn was here, on Crait, with his daughter, and likely Kay as well. Bodhi was here with him, and Baze and Chirrut, and the Death Star -

Jyn had _stayed_.

“When can I see them?” he asks, and he wants it to be now, for the next people to walk through the door to be his girls, to be his sweet daughter, and the woman that fiercely protected her. All he got in response was a shake of his head.

“I came here to deliver these and instructions to the captain of this vessel, but there will be no more transports or communications until the frigate has been safely landed. You’ll have to wait a few more days. That stated, there’s a message in here for you, from your droid.”

Just Kay? No one else?

“I have yet to inform Sergeant Erso or your daughter that I was coming up here. They were settling into their new rooms when I got here, as they hadn’t been certain which ones to take - you’re my Second-in-Command, so I set them up in the largest set of rooms.”

Jyn was in the largest set of rooms on the base, reserved for those in charge, meaning that Draven had likely taken the ones intended for his position, and when he was out of medical, he would be - he would be sharing a room with Jyn, his daughter a room away.

He was in love with Jyn Erso, and she was here to stay.

“Start looking over these while you’re here. They’ll catch you up on what you’ve missed, and the plans that are being put into motion. Once medical has attached itself to the base, we can see about getting you out of this bed, and back to work.”

Cassian gave a nod of his head and looked at the stack - it would take him some time, but he had it.

“And Cassian?”

His head jerked up, because the General never called him that, which said something… which said a lot of things.

“You better tell that girl how you feel, before she convinces herself that she’s going to have to give your daughter up. You would think that Eura was her daughter… she has Eura fixing ships with her, doing inventory, even showed your girl how to fix your droid’s voice box. Hurry up with it, so we don’t have to deal with the tension. It’s a small base, and I don’t have time for a holodrama.”

Cassian doesn’t move as Draven leaves him there to think, to contemplate, to realize - he was in love with Jyn Erso, and she had stayed, had come back, had brought his daughter to him. He was in love with Jyn Erso, and he had to wait four weeks to tell her.

 

* * *

  

It’s the same thing every day. He wakes up, he gets breakfast, he reads from the datapads, and then the Doctors come in. They run tests, run scans, and then the therapy begins. After therapy, he eats lunch with Bodhi, then he sleeps. He sleeps more now than he ever has, and it is dreamless, thankfully, because he aches too much to toss and turn in his sheets, or worse, to tense up in his nightmares.

From there, it is another therapy session, dinner, more tests, and more reading before he sleeps. Over and over, it’s the same thing on repeat. At first, therapy is sitting up on the bed, and he feels accomplished when he manages the task on the fifth day, but on the sixth, he is too sore to move. They have him working on his leg muscles by day nine, pushing against their hands while he sits in the bed, and by day fourteen, they have him holding himself up with two bars.

It had been thirty-five days since Scarif, and he’s finally getting somewhere with his healing.

It hurts, though, everything hurts, and they offer him pain pills, but they’re not strong enough like he needs, not really. He needs things that would take the edge off and then some, make him out of his mind, but then he wouldn’t have the presence of mind to complete therapy, and he needs - he needs out of this bed. When they offer him extra sessions, he takes him, and his arms are definitely getting stronger every time he pulls himself upright.

He takes a step back, though, when he tries to take a step forward. It’s the twentieth day of physical therapy, should be the end of being trapped in orbit, but the base isn’t ready yet, so he’s still stuck here. In retaliation against the Force, or whatever, Cassian had tried to take a step. He was still holding onto the bars, but balancing on to one leg, even with assistance, was too much. He had broken his spine, and there was only so much bacta could do.

He pays for it the next day when they give him the medicine that knocks him out, and he loses a day of therapy, of reading the briefings, of catching up on what occured while he was out. The following day, he does as told, and is pleased when he balances for half a second without the bars. The next plan is to start working on him pushing himself up from the chair, rather than pulling himself up, and he’s ready.

He’s ready because he wants out of this bed, but also because he wants off medical. Even after they land, he’ll be trapped in the medical ward until he can walk on his own with the use of a cane, and that’s… they’ll have to sedate him. There’s a room for him and his daughter, and Jyn… Jyn is there as well.

Jyn, who left him her kyber crystal, and he wears it around his neck, clings to it when the tests hurt, and he thinks of her. He wishes she were here, now, instead of Bodhi or Baze or Chirrut. They’re all trying to be patient with him, watching as he attempts to stand, but Baze is too cautious, Chirrut keeps saying to listen to the Force, and Bodhi is too cheery.

If Jyn was standing at his destination, he would run to her.

It’s the same thing, every day. He wakes up, he eats, he reads, he works out, he eats, he sleeps, he works out, he eats, he has tests done, and every night, he waits for it to be another day closer until he’s off this ship, until he’s out of orbit, until he’s back home.

 

* * *

 

They’re finally landing. It had taken longer than the four weeks originally planned, almost two more, which meant that he was going out of his mind. Physical therapy was exhausting, but at least they had him almost ready to stand on his own - he could pull himself upright, could use his arms to balance himself, and maybe he had tried taking a few steps, even though it had landed him back on his ass…

There was progress.

The datapads had been combed through, and Cassian had been surprised at the last - Jyn had signed up to join the Officer Program. He wasn’t sure what that would necessarily entail, given that the Rebellion was fractioned, and there was no other classes, but given Jyn’s extensive experience already, he supposed they could simply give her the tests, see how she did, and go from there. He had done much the same thing, once upon a time.

He’s trying to not be nervous, but Cassian hasn’t seen his little girl in over fifty days. Beyond anything with Jyn, with the team, with his promotion and the new base, he just wants to hold his daughter, wants to cling to her in his arms and never let go. He had been away from her this long before, but not since she came to live on Yavin, with him. He was never away for more than a month at that point, and always stayed at least a week. This was torture, but -

Kay’s message had said she was good. That she was actually doing well. It sounded as though Jyn had Eura doing far more than Draven had originally hinted at, but Eura was the only child on Crait. There was no daycare for her, no school. It meant that she had to stay with someone, and given that Jyn had no official duties, it sounded as though Jyn was into everything, doing whatever Draven needed done - things a Second in Command should take over. Jyn was performing his duties.

Of course, it had been six weeks since that message had been sent, and there was no telling what his girls were up to now - _his girls_. He liked to think of them that way. The message from Kay had given him hope, beyond what the General had said. Hope that maybe… maybe they could form some sort of family, the three of them.

“You should be warned, Cassian, that Eura has taken to following Jyn everywhere. The two are inseparable. Just yesterday, I caught the two of them studying an X-Wing with a group of pilots. We have a limited number of mechanics here, so the pair were learning how to make basic repairs. She even had Eura climbing into one. I’m not certain how you will feel about that, but you should know-”

He didn’t know how to feel about that either. Cassian had wanted to protect Eura from the war, but now that she was on Crait, she had to do something. He wasn’t putting a blaster in her hands, and there had been no mention of that, but still… if he had to choose between being separated from Eura and protecting her innocence, he was selfish enough to keep her close by, on the same base as him. It sounded like Jyn was doing a good job.

“She’s very happy with Jyn. Jyn has responded to her in kind. I must recommend that you not separate the pair. Furthermore, Eura asked me an exceptionally strange question-”

It was all replaying in his mind, over and over again. Of course, Kay had also talked about the changes to his voice box, and the difference in the base, and how much he disliked being stuck in a shuttle with Jyn for three weeks, but this was the important part, the part he had listened to so many times, he could recite it back, because he couldn’t believe it, because-

“She wanted to know if it was possible for Jyn to be her Mama. Jyn told her that it was something they would discuss in the future. I do not like lying, Cassian, but I did so - she knows that her mother is dead, but it sounds as though it is what Eura wants most. I told her that there is a high probability that Jyn Erso would be her mother. I do not appreciate being made a liar.”

Eura wanted Jyn to be her mother. Had he been unconscious that long, that so much had changed? He imagined Eura and Jyn, his girls, working together, getting into trouble together, sharing a table with him at mess, reading together at bed time… He imagined a life with happiness and smiles and - he imagined Jyn wanting to be his daughter’s mother, imagined that maybe there was hope, that they had a chance at this.

“You should also know… the medical frigate took longer than expected, by a number of days. It was thought to be lost. Jyn Erso did not tell Eura, as General Draven had not arrived yet either, but in private, Jyn was inconsolable. I played her your message, thinking it might make things better-”

The message. The message he had left for Jyn. He felt thinking about it, had been nearly out of his mind with grief and heartache when he had made it, having just left Eura behind before they went to Scarif, and he remembers most of it, some of it, the ramblings of a man that didn’t have enough time, and had wasted it all.

“It did not. She was very upset, and refused to speak on it. She cried more, and woke up Eura in the process. The two spent the night  holding each other more, and in the morning, Eura asked Jyn if she was her Mama now. Jyn did not give her a reply, and a few hours later, your ship arrived. Eura is still expecting that answer.”

He had that answer, ready and waiting for them. They had just docked, and he heard the hum of the ship’s engine shut down, and then - they were on Crait, and he was about to see the two girls he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9, will be following Jyn, Eura, and Kay on their transport, arriving at Crait, and ending just before the medical frigate lands.
> 
> So...
> 
> I FUCKED UP, YO  
> I FUCKED UP BAD.
> 
> 1\. Sooo this is 10 Chapters + 1 Epilogue, so this has been changed to /11, but don't be like OH WHAT HAPPENED like I'm just bad at math from the start so yeah it's not like I added in another chapter of pain or something I just forgot that there's 1 planned epilogue.  
> 2\. IT'S JYN ERSO APPRECIATION WEEK and I haven't finished my fic for it... yeah... so I kind of need to finish that before I do anything else...  
> 3\. I SPILLED COFFEE ON MY LAPTOP. And it seems to be fine but the keys are sticking so I'm spitting out typos left and right. I'll get used to it, because my keyboard was extra clicky compared to my last laptop, but right now my keys are just flying all over the place.  
> 4\. Chapter 9 isn't written. At all. Haven't even started it. And it's... the biggest chapter. By far. There's currently 8 planned sections of it and I was already thinking I might just have to flat out split it because I won't post a chapter longer than 10k words... And because of that...
> 
> I know I said that the next Chapter would be up on Wednesday, but it might not be up on Wednesday.
> 
> I'M GOING TO TRY. Y'ALL DONT EVEN KNOW HOW HARD I'M GOING TO TRY. I AM GOING TO TRY MY DAMNDEST.
> 
> But I need to finish this last chapter for Jyn Week before I do anything else...
> 
> If you want updates as to what's going on, you can find me on [tumblr](http://melanoradrood.tumblr.com).
> 
> I'M SORRY FOR BEING TRASH.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Cassian has been kept sedated throughout the trip across the system, and is finally woken up and has his meds lowered once they arrive at Crait. Unfortunately, there’s no where for them to land, not yet, so he has to wait to see Eura and Jyn. It’s a good thing there’s a message for him, though, and Jyn’s kyber crystal, and then even General Draven arrives to tell him that his little family is on Crait, waiting for him… He also might mention that Cassian needs to get his shit together and tell Jyn he loves her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Note : I screwed up dates in the previous chapter because I'm dumb but they have been fixed there, but if you see the weeks mentioned and are like WAIT A MINUTE it's because for some reason I thought weeks were 10 days but they're actually five. Anyways. ALSO SORRY THIS IS LATE BUT IT'S ALSO OVER 10K WORDS so enjoy.
> 
> Chapter Warnings : Jyn lowkey considers kidnapping. Not really. There's also heavy angst in the middle, as previously hinted in the last chapter, because the Medical Frigate, now named the _Recovery_ , is very very late.

The good thing about being on a cargo shuttle is that there’s plenty of space to spread out. Kay had managed to bring not only Eura’s entire bed, and how he had managed that without anyone stopping him, she had no idea, but also the mattress from Cassian’s bed. Really, she was going to have to ask the droid about it later, but right now, Jyn was just happy that she wasn’t sleeping on the ground.

They had managed to shift things around in the cargo space to the point that there was separate areas. Of course, up in the cockpit, there was the controls, and a very small fresher, but it would do the trick. In the cargo hold itself, they had their beds pressed all the way in, Eura’s on one side, and Jyn’s on the other. Then, their trunks, and Jyn was surprised at how organized they were, given how quickly they had packed. 

Cassian’s clothes were neatly folded and put away, and Eura’s in another trunk, and Jyn’s small bag had a place to nestle into one of Cassian’s trunks, and then a box with basic eatery, and then two trunks with various books, datapads, toys, dolls… it seemed they had everything they could ever need to survive, if need be, excluding food.

Jyn hadn’t thought that far ahead, but Kay had, and they had a stock of rations, nothing fresh, all durable… a month’s worth of food, and Jyn hoped that the ration packs would make it. Eura had made a face the first day, but by the fifth, she had taken the hard bar and eaten it as Jyn did, trying to not think about it. Hopefully, there would be real food at Crait, or at least something with some bit of flavor or texture other than this. It was better than Wobani, though. Better than she had had in some places.

Their days are filled with the same, always the same. It’s comm silence out there, so there’s no transmissions coming in. They avoid other planets, stick to their lane in hyperspace, and it’s… it’s tedious.

Kay sits in the cockpit for almost 16 hours a day, and she’s so kriffing grateful for the droid, so happy he’s there, even if she does want to shoot him any time they converse… but it’s sparse, at best, because when he’s not in the cockpit, she is. He spends the evenings with Eura, reading with her, chatting in various languages, and Jyn can hear them. And then, he’s tucking Eura into bed, telling her stories of her father, and Jyn listens, quietly, until eventually, the little girl is asleep.

And then, Kay lumbers back up, and powers down in the corner, recharging himself. She knows he doesn’t have to charge every day, but given the precious cargo they have on board, neither wants to leave the controls abandoned for any point in time, and he wants to remain at peak charge, just in case.

It’s quiet, then, and Jyn spends her time reading, reading all of the various materials she has on hand, study books for the Officer tests, and most of this is outdated because it’s from before most of these deserted the Galactic Army, but it’s still good information… some of it… Like field medical. Why an officer needs to know such things, she doesn’t know, but she reads it anyways, reads about different things that might be heard on the comms from different pilots… 

And then there’s handwritten things, things about codes, things about weaponry, some of it’s history, and half of it is over her head…

She takes the practice tests that are in there and gets almost all of the questions right. So then. She can be an Officer…

She reads everything again, because it’s fifteen days to Crait, and she’s really that bored.

Jyn isn’t bored, though, when she wakes up, and Eura is looking at her with big eyes. Kay always charges for exactly five hours and then lets her get sleep herself, and she generally passes out, gets about six hours of her own, and then it’s a start to a new day. She eats from the ration pack with Eura, teaches the girl to play sabacc, shows her how to slice and dice, shows her how to break into one of the datapads without putting in a code, and Eura is smart, so smart…

And then they play with Eura’s dolls, and she talks about her own dolls, left behind and forgotten in her past. They read, they read so many things, and they converse in Huttese, and it’s the same every day, over and over, but it’s bearable, because every day, they’re closer to Crait, and every day, Eura is filled with hope, so much hope.

Some days are worse, though, even when they feel better. They’re only three days away, maybe, and Jyn is getting stir crazy, and so is Eura, and Kay seems to be powering down just to get a break from them, and it’s…

Jyn ends up fixing Kay’s voice box, that day, and Kay says it’s not necessary, but it’s a good lesson for Eura, and after having his voice going really high for a few minutes, they finally settle it onto the right frequency. Kay tests the voice over and over, saying things in different tones, and then it’s right, perfectly right. Jyn still won’t paint him, but at least he sounds like they remember, and she even gets a short and clipped thanks from Kay in response.

But then the silence settles in, and Eura asks her how she learned all of this, how she knows so many things, asks if Jyn’s Papa taught her everything.

The answer is yes, but also no. Her mama had taught her many things about the earth and rocks and the Force, and her Papa had taught her things about droids and machines and how to be brave even when you’re afraid… but it was Saw that taught her how to fight, how to slice and dice, how to be invisible when you’re in a room full of people, how to kill, how to torture, how to survive…

Was she like Saw? Was she going to be like her guardian, raising a child that was not her own, raising a child in a war that was not her own, that she shouldn’t have been born into?

Jyn ends up breaking down after that, and tells Eura her story, and Kay tries to stop her, but Eura should know the truth of things… that the galaxy is an ugly place. She has no right, and she knows that, knows that she’s being selfish to tell Eura that her Mama and Papa were taken from her, that she was raised by a friend, raised to learn to fight, to fight back and survive…

And then she shatters, when Eura asks the question Jyn is asking herself… if Jyn is going to teach her those things as well.

She has no answer, not even when Eura pulls out a small blaster from her things, shows it to Jyn. She wants to take it away, doesn’t want Eura to touch it… 

Instead, Jyn spends the day showing Eura how to use a truncheon, and she doesn’t have one, and neither does Eura, but they have some of Eura’s tools, and so they use wrenches and crowbars and they stand in the cleared Cargo hold, and by the time Eura goes to sleep, the little girl could thoroughly kick a little ass, and Jyn feels guilt, so much guilt, guilt that she’s training another soldier, and she tells herself that it’s to help Eura survive, but the truth is - the truth is that the war is destroying them all, slowly but surely, and even if they survive, there won’t be much left of them to really live.

When they arrive at Crait and are given the all clear to land, Jyn lets out a heavy sigh of relief, because they made it, because they survived this journey, because Eura has somehow grown so much in fifteen days, and the mantle of being a guardian, a surrogate parent, is starting to weigh her down.

 

* * *

 

Crait is smaller than Jyn imagined, could have ever imagined. When she lands, there’s a small crew standing there, one old man hanging onto a cane, three mechanics that are more oil and grease than anything else, someone that looks like they might  _ actually _ be part of the rebellion, and… that’s it. That’s unbelievably it. In the hangar is a few old ships that she can almost guarantee won’t fly, and when they had come into the hangar, they had had to half pull the doors open.

She knew that they were unprepared to evacuate Yavin, but surely, this couldn’t be it? This couldn’t be the best they had.

“Stay here,” she says to Kay, and he gives a nod to her. “You too, Eura.”

Eura is peaking out the window at the group just outside, and Jyn knows that Civilians are not allowed on the base, not right now, but there’s no way in hell that what stands outside the door is any actual rebel soldiers.

Putting down the ramp, Jyn heads out, chin raised, scarf wrapped around her, and an air that she actually belongs here. They don’t know her, she doesn’t know them, but it’s comm silence - She doubted that they even knew about the evacuation of Yavin, but when she had arrived in atmo, they were unsurprised by her clearance codes, or even that she was in an imperial cargo shuttle.

“Welcome to Crait, Sergeant Erso,” the old man says, and she raises her brow, stepping forward to offer her hand. In response, she gets something that was probably once a salute, and everyone else is at attention as well.

She might not know all that much about the rebellion, but she’s pretty sure that, in all of the material she read over the past fifteen days, it’s very clear that she is  _ not _ an officer.

“Thank you, Major…”

He was a Major, once, she can tell by the uniform, but it looks like something from the Clone Wars.

“Major Bastion, Sergeant. I’m in charge of this base, or at least I was.”

She gives a nod, because yes, Draven was coming, and she guessed the General would be in command once he was on the ground. 

“Of course…” There’s silence, and she’s not sure what to say from there.

“The General said you were on the way, said when you landed, you were in charge.”

Sucking in a breath, Jyn gives another nod… she wasn’t expecting that, but at least he had heard from Draven, knew to expect her. “The word from Yavin? We’ve been comm silent since we left the moon.”

“Battle’s won, ma’am. He said to tell you that the intel was good-” Her father’s message… did that mean it was destroyed? “Didn’t say anymore than that, save that he should be here within a two weeks of your arrival. That’s about it. The rest of the data was supposed to be with you.”

The datapad… He had sent more than just the codes for access to Crait, but she hadn’t looked, not yet, just in case they were… well, she hadn’t checked. Looked like she needed to.

“I have it. We have a week, then, to get this base ready for an influx of Rebels, and a medical frigate.”

That surprised the old Major, and she raised a brow slightly. He was then turning to the mechanics, who started talking among themselves.

“There’s nowhere to land a frigate here, ma’am. We’ll have to make something to attach it to.”

She sucks in a breath… well, it was a good thing the ship could stay in orbit, then. “Alright… well, how about we…”

‘There’s a cough behind her, and Jyn turns to see Eura and Kay both standing there on the ramp. It looked as though Eura had dragged the droid down, and Jyn paused before turning back to the Major.

“I was on leave when the evacuation went out,” she said, lips pressing together, because it was the truth, but also a bit of a lie.

“... Civilians are not allowed on Crait,” the Major says, but then Eura is running up, attaching herself to Jyn’s side.

“I guess it’s a good thing she’s a mechanic,” the droid says, and Jyn smiles down at Eura, running her fingers over Eura’s hair… she had braided it that morning, into two braids, much as her mother had once done.

“I can fix that,” she said, pointing at one of the old X-wings that had half it’s guts on the ground.

“We’ll see,” the Major said, but he was softening already under the big eyes of Eura Andor.

Turning around, Jyn looks towards the Hangar doors. She needs to read that data on her pad, but she has two weeks, maybe more, maybe less… Ten days is not enough time to get a base in real shape, and she needs to take stock of the supplies, the rooms, to figure out where they are at in preparation… But first…

“The hangar doors. What’s wrong with them?”

One of the mechanics steps forward, introducing himself as Specialist. She doesn’t care for the rank, just waves her hand, wanting more explanation. “They stick, ma’am. This base was established in the Clone Wars. Wiring is old. We’ve never really had to… well, it never mattered before.”

“It matters now,” she says, and she looks down at Eura, licking her lips. “We might have a whole squadron of X-Wings in here before the week is out, so that’s where we start. They can sleep on the ground, but we need to be able to get ships in here to land.”

Turning to Kay, she gives the droid a nod. “Take a look at the comms? And then supplies. I want to know what we have, what we need, and the numbers. How many can we sleep, how many bunks. Look at their last shipments - I’m guessing this place is stocked for the long haul, but I need to know how many we can take for… six months. Start there.”

Kay gives her a nod, and she turns to the mechanics. “Hangar door. I want it fixed. Take Eura with you - she’s small and can fit into places you won’t, and she learns fast. Go get your bag, Eura.”

Eura had very proudly shown Jyn her mechanics bag, all of her various tools, a gift from Kay, and she was pleased to know that she knew how to use them.

“The pair of you,” she pointed to the next two, too clean to be mechanics. “Comms?”

They gave her a nod, and she nodded back. “Rooms. Start airing them out. They’re going to be tired when they land, so we gotta have rooms. Storage as well - I imagine the General will be bringing supplies. Clean them up.”

The Major has an approving look on his face, and she raises her chin. “You and I - take me to the Command Center. I want to see how old these systems are. If they’re as old as the Clone Wars, maybe there’s something I can do. We can take apart my shuttle if need be to up the systems. Everyone meet up in Command with an updated at…”

She checked her chronometer, and then licked her lips “20 Standard hours. Whoever else is on this base, make sure they are there as well. We’re short on time, so we have to get to work.”

Everyone disburses, and she gives a pause before she starts to follow the Major. Kay is already messing around with one of the systems, hitting it on the side… They’ll have to take apart the shuttle, then, use as much as they can to try and get these systems in check.

“Erso… I’ve been trying to figure it out, but I can’t place the name,” the Major says.

Jyn looks down at the war table, the graphics a little shaky, but she can see the route that she took from Yavin on it, wants to plot how long it might really take the fleet. “My father was kept as an Imperial Scientist. He helped build a weapon called the Death Star, which destroyed Jedha, Scarif, and Alderaan.”

“No, that’s not it,” the man says, and she looks at him. “Scarif. You’re the one that led on Scarif.”

She blinks at him once, then nods, looking back at the map. “I’m also the daughter of Saw Gerrera.”

The Major snorts a little, and sinks down into a seat.

“Karking hell, that’s a resume.”

He’s very, very right.

 

* * *

 

It turns out that she has more experience at this than anyone could have probably expected.

Years of setting up small cells of guerilla fighters on various planets in various systems meant that Jyn knew what was necessary, what was needed, and how to efficiently prepare for an influx of people. Leave it to Saw to prepare her in ways she had never expected. While he had trained her to fight, the first few years of her life with the Paritsans had been spent on the numbers - and now, Jyn was more than ready to prepare.

The datapad had what she needed - well, not really. Enough.

There was numbers, just numbers, no names, no ranks. Intelligence… paranoid bastards. Still, she could read it easily enough. Pathfinders, Communications, Intelligence, and Pilots. That’s what she had to prepare for, all to be on rotating schedules, about sixty people. Add in what was already on the base, that put them at 70. Not exactly bustling, but given the number of rooms… It meant that there would be four to a room. The rooms were spatious at least, with stacked bunks, and one communal fresher…

She had been in worse, but doubted the rebels had.

Those that were already on base had already grouped up - four mechanics total, two in communications, and two in supply. The Major already had his room, and that left… There was two rooms left. Both were large, spatious, one meant for guests, and the other… Well, Jyn guessed it was for the Commander of the base. It was big, though, perfect for a small family…

Except that wasn’t her, wasn’t her and Eura. They would stay in the shuttle, which she had tucked as far into one side of the hangar as possible. It made sense. They were comfortable there, had their own private space. Draven could have the big room, when he landed.

Just as Jyn had suspected, the biggest issue was the hangar doors. By the end of the third day, Jyn ends up covered in grease as well, and she’s climbing around in old wiring, but the hangar doors have to be fixed. There’s no other choice. She has a whole squadron mixed with X-Wings and A-Wings planning to land, and at present, it takes them physically pulling the doors up and apart to get them in. That won’t stand.

It takes Eura and Kay combined to get the last of the wiring fixed, and her shuttle has been gutted, but that’s okay with Jyn. She knows that if they have to evacuate, they’re screwed… but the fleet will be here soon, and then they won’t have to worry about their shuttle. They’re past last stands at this point - there’s no escaping Crait, not if they have to. They’re here for the long haul.

With the doors fixed, though, and the rooms established, all they have left to do is wait. Eura had already started trying to work on the X-Wings, but Jyn doesn’t have enough knowledge, and neither does the girl, not really. They’ll have to wait for those with more knowledge to actually work on them, so instead, Jyn takes Eura behind the base, to where the back entrance leads to a little crater in the earth, and pulls out the blaster.

She’s teaching Cassian’s daughter how to hold a plaster, how to load it, how to pull the trigger, and she hates herself, hates herself for it, but this is a karking war, and she knew how to shoot when she was Eura’s age… There was always that fear that they would be found, from the very moment they left Coruscant, and even though Jyn didn’t end up using a weapon until she was 8, Eura is smarter than her, far smarter than Jyn was at her age.

They shoot for hours, until the sky is too dark to continue, but Eura is good, really good. From there, they work in the hangar with truncheons, because Jyn found a set in the supply closet, and she takes apart another set to make them a little shorter for Eura. They train for hours, going through the steps, and she hates herself - 

Cassian will hate her for it, but she won’t apologize. Children didn’t matter to the Empire - it was fight or die, and Eura wouldn’t die, not like her Mama, not like that little girl on Jedha, not like… Eura would live, even if she had to fight for it. Jyn would be sure of that.

Cassian could hate her for it later, if he was even still alive.

 

* * *

 

Jyn doesn’t know a lot about the medical frigates, but she does know that they were quite literally giant transports, strong enough to have multiple shuttles attached… if it had left Yavin at the same time that they did, it should have been here by now. A hyperdrive able to move something that big… they were just in a tiny cargo shuttle. Hell, it should have beaten them to the new base.

She brings it up to the old Major, who looks at her oddly for a long moment. “Pelta-class frigate, right? Been a while since I was on Yavin.”

She gives a nod, lips pressing together.

“Something like that, the hyperdrive is strong enough to move a karking planet. Could have made the journey in twelve days, easy, maybe fifteen if it’s trying to preserve fuel, but…”

But it had been twenty days since Jyn had left Yavin, and the medical frigate still hadn’t arrived.

“The General didn’t mention the frigate, did he?” she asks, and she remembers the man’s confusion the first day, but she hadn’t asked then. She’s asking now.

“There’s no telling where it is. It’s a big galaxy, and the journey is long. It could have stopped for supplies, could have gotten lost…”

“Or it could have never left Yavin,” she says.

There’s a silence between the two, and Jyn knows what he’s trying to say. There’s a good possibility that it had been intercepted, that it had been shot down, that it was lost in space to pirates or who knows what else. It’s at least eight days late, no word, no comms…

She waits until Eura is asleep before she goes to find Kay. He’s sitting in the Command Center, listening to the comms, because the fleet could be there any day now… he’s listening for the medical team.

“It’s not coming, is it,” she finally says.

Kay knows what she’s talking about, and she can hear the whirling as Kay processes her question.

“Do you want the probability that the frigate is still enroute?”

The alternative is the probability that it had never left Yavin, that it was captured, that it was destroyed.

“The Major… he said twelve days, maybe fifteen. It’s been twenty days. The engines were whirling when we left, and it was detaching from the old temple. It’s still not here, Kay. What’s the chance that it went to another base?”

There’s silence, and then Kay is shifting from where he sits, reaching for one of the datapads. He opens a port in his side, withdrawing one of the cables, and she watches as he attaches it to the pad. There’s a beep from the datapad, and then he’s detaching, handing it over to her.

She reads it, sees that it’s an audiofile.

“Jyn… I am so sorry.”

Her lip shakes a little as it hits her, as she realizes what this is, what he’s trying to say. Kay had told her, when they watched Cassian’s surgery, that there was a message for her if Cassian died.

She hadn’t asked before, but she had asked now, and clearly… the answer was, Cassian was probably dead. Bodhi, Baze, Chirrut… they were probably all dead.

“He can’t… He was alive when we left Yavin.”

“It has been twenty days. The medical team should have been here before we arrived. They were either caught within the battle, in which case, the General would have notified us, or they were caught somewhere in space. If it was pirates, they would kill everyone on board, and take the supples. If it was Emperials, they would kill everyone not medical, and then take the supplies. In both cases, all patients would be eliminated.”

She sucks in a breath so hard it hurts her lungs, and she shakes her head, because there’s other possibilities.

“It could have run out of fuel, or the hyperdrive failed. It’s an old ship, an older model, hasn’t flown in some time -”

“And it has some of the best parts in the fleet, in case of an evacuation. Jyn… I will not lie. The probability that Cassian is still alive is low. Very very low.”

There’s absolute silence in the Command Center, and then she gives a nod, turning to walk away. Jyn heads out towards the hangar, but she doesn’t want to wake Eura, instead finding a corner to wedge herself into. It takes a while for her to finally press the button, but then she hears it, hears Cassian’s voice.

“Jyn… Jyn, I’m so sorry.”

Her lips are shaking now so hard her teeth are almost chattering, and she can feel the tears, because this might be Cassian’s last message, this might be the last time she hears his voice, and she can’t…

“If you’re listening to this, you made it off of Scarif, which is more than I can hope for. It’s a suicide mission. We both know that, but I’m going to do everything I can to get you off the planet, to get you back with the plans. Your father, he would be so proud of you… I’m proud of you. I was wrong about you. I thought you were selfish, that you didn’t care, that you were dangerous…”

She’s crying, tears streaming down her face, and she can hear it in Cassian’s voice, hear him losing control as well. “I have a little girl, and I wish I could have introduced the two of you. Her name is Eura, and she’s my hope. She’s why I still believe… but you, you became my strength. I need to ask you to do something for me, and I know it’s selfish, but I don’t trust anyone else.”

_ Trust goes both ways _ … She had never trusted anyone before, not really, and neither had Cassian. She knew that… knew what he was asking of her.

“You were never an asset, you were always so much more, and I always believed in you, even when I couldn’t admit it. I could never leave you behind. You were the last bit of goodness I had left to believe in in this fight. I’m so tired, Jyn. I’m tired of fighting, of struggling, but you… There wasn’t enough time, or I would have… Force, Jyn…”

Her body sinks onto the ground where she’s standing, and she’s crying outright, because she knows, she knows what he’s saying, knows what he means. There wasn’t enough time, and she believed in him, she knew how it weighed on him… She had said he was no better than a stormtrooper, and how could she be so terrible… 

“Eura needs you now. I’ve seen you, how you care. I saw your records, know you were grabbed and taken to Wobani because you stole to feed orphans. I know that you’re good, that you can survive, so I need to ask you to take care of Eura, take her and run. If you can’t, I understand, but I… I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

He’s sniffling, trying to suck back his tears, and her heart shatters, and she hopes he heard her message, that he died knowing that she would, that she would take care of Eura, that she loved his daughter already.

“In another universe, in another time, you and I met under different circumstances. Maybe you came to the Alliance after Saw left you behind, maybe we knew one another. Maybe my daughter would have grown up knowing who you are, and maybe… Maybe we could have been happy.”

She can’t breathe, because she knows what he’s saying, and he’s laughing through his tears and so is she.

“The first time I saw you, I knew you would be the death of me, but I didn’t realize it would be like this. Seeing you fight, seeing you risk your life on Jedha… I was done for. You were so fierce, so defiant, so… so much better than this. I wish I could be worthy of you.”

Was this what a broken heart felt like?

There wasn’t much of the message left, and she wanted to stop it, couldn’t stand to hear anymore, knowing this was his last message for her, but she had to hear, she had to know.

“I know I’m selfish saying this now, but I’ve always known my life was short, that I wouldn’t survive this war. Spies never live long. I’m practically an old man at this point. I won’t go to my death regretting anything, so I have to tell you, Jyn… You were brighter than any stars in the sky. I was lost, but you were there, and you showed me the way. I was never a good man, only a good soldier, and I tried to be a good soldier, but you… maybe I’ve made amends for the atrocities I’ve performed.”

“Cassian, the meeting has finished…” Kay’s voice, and Jyn realizes that this was recorded just before he came to her, meeting her in the hangar with the rest of Rogue One. His last message for her…

“You were the strength that carried me through. Don’t look back, Jyn. Only look forward. Take Eura, please. Please, take my daughter, and  _ live _ . You deserve that much. Maybe, one day, we’ll find each other again in the cosmos.”

The message ends there, and Jyn… Jyn sits there in silence, absolute silence.

And then she screams. She screams because Cassian is dead, and she loved him, and she’ll never see him again.

 

* * *

 

Jyn’s on her knees, hands shaking so hard they can’t stop, when Eura finds her. She needs to get herself under control, but she can’t stop shaking, because she can’t… Cassian can’t be dead, he can’t be dead, but Kay gave her the message, and he would know, has to know… Cassian almost died in surgery, almost didn’t survive, but Kay hadn’t given her the message then. He had given it to her now, which meant…

It can’t mean that Cassian is dead, but it does, it does, and she can’t stop her hands from shaking, can’t stop the tears on her face, can’t stop her screams, except that her throat is now hoarse.

Eura isn’t the only one - one of the mechanics was on duty and had come running, and Kay… Kay was standing there watching her, and she can’t breathe, can’t function, because Cassian can’t be dead.

“Take it back,” she yells at Kay, because how dare he give her that message, how dare he… he should have lied, should have…

Cassian can’t be dead, he can’t be dead, he can’t be dead.

“Jyn, you have to-”

“He can’t be dead!” she yells at Kay, and she’s… she’s having a hard time breathing.

Out of no where, she feels arms wrapped around her, and Jyn realizes that it’s Eura. Her arms wrap around the little girl, and she knows that Eura is scared, crying. They cling to one another, and with time, her breathing finally catches, finally is swallowed down. Cassian can’t be dead, Jyn can’t accept that, but he is, he’s dead and gone, lost somewhere in space, and Jyn… Jyn has to keep going.

She has to keep going because Eura has no parents, her father dead, and only Jyn to take care of her.

Eventually, it’s just the two of them, and Jyn is sitting back against the wall, Eura wrapped up in her arms. Somehow, they make it onto the shuttle, and Jyn feels more like the child than the adult when they climb into her bed. Eura makes no plans to move, and finally, finally, finally… Eura speaks.

“Are you… Jyn, are you my Mama now?”

Jyn sucks in another sob, and she can’t answer that, because Cassian can’t be dead, Cassian can’t be gone, but she heard that message, knows that it’s his last words. She knows that Kay only gave them to her if he truly believes that Cassian is dead.

“I will always take care of you,” Jyn whispers in response, and Eura nods a little, because even though it’s not the right answer, it is an answer.

“You think my Papa is dead, don’t you?”

Jyn doesn’t have an answer for that, doesn’t even try.

She should have taken Eura to see Cassian, even with the evacuation. She should have had a chance to say goodbye.

“We’ll give it a few more days,” Jyn whispers, and it’s the best answer she has.

A few tears appear in Eura’s eyes, and Jyn wraps her arms around the little girl, pulling her in tight for a hug. Jyn is all out of tears now, so she lets Eura cry, cry because she misses her father, because life sucks, because honestly… they deserved better.

“I’ll always protect you,” Jyn says, and Eura cries a little more, and Jyn’s heart breaks.

“Papa said that too,” Eura whispers.

If Cassian is dead… fuck the Alliance. She’ll take Eura and run.

No one can judge her for that.

* * *

 

In the morning, nothing is said as Jyn drags herself out of bed. Eura’s eyes are open, red rimmed from crying, but the pair of them gather their things and head to the freshers. It’s absolute silence as they get cleaned and changed, then head to the mess hall. It’s powdered eggs and stale caf again, but Jyn doesn’t care. 

Cassian could be dead for all she knows.

Nothing is said by anyone else on the base, save for the Major giving her a look. She’s not surprised that he knows about the disaster she had been the night before, but her face is clean and her eyes clear when she gives a nod in response. 

They both know what it’s like to feel as though everything is lost, to lose everything. He can’t judge her for losing it, for just one moment. No one can. Not when it feels like the galaxy is falling apart.

Jyn is sitting in the Command Center, showing Eura how to properly clean a blaster, when something sparks up on the Comms. Her eyes flick up to lock with one of the Comm guys, Private Dala, when she hears a voice, a very clear voice, and Jyn might just scream with joy.

“Base, this is Green Leader. Repeat, this is Green Leader. Sending our Clearance Codes now, and requesting permission to land.”

She scrambles away from the table they’re working at to grab the comm, and she can’t even believe it. They were here, the fleet was here, or at least the start of it.

“Green Leader, this is Control. Permission granted. Bring it in one at a time, and keep it slow. Not a lot of space, but hoping to fit all of you in here.”

“Message received, Control. You heard them, Green Squadron. A-Wings in first, then one at a time. You know your order.”

There’s a whole list of voices over the control, and Jyn grabs Eura’s hand as she goes running towards the Hangar, the girl trailing after her a few steps. They get there just in time to see them starting to land, and Jyn counts four A-Wings, and 8 X-Wings. The game of sabacc that had been going on with the mechanics is pushed aside, and Astromechs start dropping out of various ships as pilots go to climb down.

There’s more ships than there are mechanics, but eventually, every ship is emptied, leaving Jyn to approach the commander of the Squadron.

“Captain, welcome to Crait. I’m Sergeant-”

“Erso? Jyn Erso? You’re the one in Command of Crait?”

Jyn looks up to see Wedge Antilles approaching her, and she can only make a small noise before she’s being picked up into a hug. “Can’t believe it’s you! Your father was right! The plans were good! Blew the karking Death Star out of the sky.”

Proper introductions were forgotten for a moment as more are coming forward, including another she recognized from the night in the mess hall, a tall woman with an easy smile. She had climbed down from one of the A-Wings, and hugged Eura like she knew her.

“Where is the rest of the fleet?” Jyn asks, because there should be three more shuttles.

“Flew ahead. They should be here in the morning. Comms are still silent, but figured we would come lend a hand to help get the place cleaned up a bit.”

“Well, the base is as ready as we can make it,” she says, and she’s talking to the Captain now, who still hasn’t introduced herself. “We don’t have a lot of space, but all the rooms are clean. You’ll have to bunk up, but Officers can be two to a room.”

“If any of you find a room with a joined bed, you know I want it,” Shara says, and there’s laughed among the group. “Kes is on one of those shuttles, and given that we rarely get to be in the same place at the same time, I plan on enjoying a big bed with my husband.”

Jyn smiles, and the pilots are grabbing their bags from their various shuttles. Kay is off to one side, chatting with the droids, and Eura has gone after them - apparently, she speaks binary, which blows Jyn’s mind, but she won’t argue with it. It’s a useful skill, one that Jyn is a bit rusty on.

“Captain, sir-”

“It’s Rocko, ma’am. The General said you were in charge until he landed, so no need for the sir.”

Jyn gives a nod, because really, she was not an Officer, but apparently, she would be taking that test sooner rather than later…

“The medical frigate on Yavin, did it… Did it leave the ground?”

There’s confusion on the pilot’s face… and then dawning. “The evacuation of all non-essential personnel was completed over two hours before the Death Star arrived. I have a report for you, not the full one, but the quick notes from before we left Home One. We thought we noticed something missing. It hasn’t arrived?”

Jyn presses her lips together, then shakes her head.

“No worries, ma’am. Sometimes, those things take a little longer than needed. We’ll get worried if the General gets worried.”

She nods a little, then waves him off. She knows that the pilots all need their rest.

“We can discuss patrols in the morning, and some of your pilots may need to help with maintenance. There’s not a lot of mechanics here…”

“Will do, ma’am. See you bright and early.”

She’s left to her thoughts, with a number of beeping droids all around her. She gives it a moment, then goes to get changed. She has X-Wings to get cleaned up.

 

* * *

 

She’s heading to the fresher when one of the pilots comes running to grab her, saying that ships just arrived above the planet. Jyn runs straight to command, just in time to hear General Draven’s voice, giving his clearance codes. She smiles a little to herself, then remembers that the Medical Frigate still hasn’t arrived.

Everyone looks towards her, and she gives a nod, reaching out her hand to take the receiver. “You are cleared to land, General. Welcome to Crait. We’ll see you in the hangar.”

Shara takes her things from her, returning them to her shuttle, and Jyn wishes she had a shower, because she’s disgusting from spending half the night trying to clean an oil spill in the hangar, but it will have to do. The first of three shuttles lands, the other two parking outside of the hangar, and they’ll have to do some shifting to fit everyone later, but that’s alright. It will be alright, because everyone is here.

The first one off is the General, and Jyn steps forward, hands on her hips. Everyone else is at attention, but they’re all karking mad if they think she’ll salute the man.

“It’s gone?” she asks, and yeah, she’s been told twice already that the Death Star was destroyed, but she wants to hear it from him, wants to hear General Draven say it, wants him to tell her, straight out, that her father was right, that all of this… that her father was a hero, in the end.

“Shot right out of the sky. It was exactly where the plans said it was. Some farmboy Jedi… Your father will be remembered for his sacrifice, Jyn.”

She gives a nod, and before she can respond, Eura comes running forward, wrapping her arms around the General. The man doesn’t even try to look annoyed, particularly as he’s covered in engine grease, instead picking Eura up and setting her on his hip. She’s almost too big for him, but no one seems to care.

“I had a stowaway,” she says with a shrug, and the General snorts in response.

“I’m sure.”

There’s silence, and she looks to the others climbing off. It’s not much, but it’s enough, and she knows the weary looks.

“Sorry boys, it’s four to a room. We just don’t have the space. I figure you can make your own decisions on who to bunk with. There’s a communal fresher, but the pilots can show you the way. Any of you have mechanic experience, we need the help.”

The General gives a nod, and tells them they’re all dismissed, and then it’s the three of them, looking at each other.

“Is my Papa with you?” Eura asks, and the General shakes his head, looking at Jyn as he does so.

There’s more silence, and then Lieutenant Bey, with her husband, who Jyn only just barely remembers, steps forward. “Come on, Eura. Let’s give them a minute?”

Jyn gives Eura a smile, and the General sets the girl down, leaving the pair of them looking at one another.

“We can talk in my shuttle,” she says, and she leads him to the gutted ship. It’s useless now, half of the controls ripped out, the communication unit now sitting in the Command Center, and pieces of the writing now in the hangar doors. It still works as a living space, though, and she sits down on one of the trunks.

“You haven’t moved into one of the rooms?” he asks, and she shakes her head.

“I wasn’t sure which one to take… there’s not enough space for everyone, but after the Major, there’s two rooms left. You can take the one you want.”

“The big one is yours,” he says, and she gives a nod. It made the most sense, given she had Eura… given that it should go to Cassian.

“There’s been no word from the Recovery.”

She guesses that’s the name of the ship that Cassian is on. She gives another nod, because she’s not sure if it was a question or a statement, but her response is all the same, regardless. 

“We’ll give it another day. We had the comms open, even if we weren’t broadcasting… would have heard a distress call.”

Right. Right. They would have… they would have heard.

“Until Major Andor is on the ground,” and karking hell, he was in denial, but she didn’t want to face the truth either, “You’re my Second-In-Command. Kark the tests - I’m making you a Captain. We both know you know how to handle yourself.”

“I read all that material for nothing,” she says, scoffing at him, and she crosses her arms, leaning forward a little, forearms going onto her knees. “Passed the tests, too, just so you know. Only have the hand-to-hand test left.”

Draven gives a snort, because really… they both knew she could handle herself. “Captain Erso, then. You want a ceremony?”

She rolls her eyes, because she doesn’t want bantha shit from him. “I’ll take sleeping outside of this shuttle tonight, and call it a done deal. I hope you brought resources with you. We’re low on food, fuel, and water, but we have weaponry. Could have used a few mechanics, too, but if any of these pilots know anything about their ship, we can get people trained.”

“Good to know,” he says, and she reaches over to grab her datapad, handing it over. Her test scores might be on top, but so is all of her notes on resources, on space, on supplies.

“So what, now we just sit around and wait?”

He gives a slight nod before answering. “We’re an Intelligence Outpost, until a new Headquarters can be established. The fleet is fractured, but there’s a Home One that is searching systems for an acceptable place. We might be here a few months, might be longer. Operations continue, however, as previously assigned. We’re simply support.”

She wants to know what this makes her, but says nothing. He’s looking at the datapad, flipping through her notes.

“I’m not going to bow and kiss your ass, so I’m going to just come out and say it.”

Draven looks up at her, and gives a slight nod.

“If he’s dead, I’m gone.”

There’s silence, absolute silence, and then Draven is shifting a little. There’s silence, and then he finally speaks. “If he’s dead, you stay until we can get you the proper scandocs and enough credits to get you started.”

She gives a nod in response, because that’s acceptable, because… because if Cassian is dead, she has to protect Eura.

“Get yourself settled into your new rooms, Captain. I’ll send Eura, and that droid of yours, if I see them.” She wants to correct the General, because Kay doesn’t belong to anyone, belongs to Cassian more than anyone else… but maybe he is hers, just like Eura is hers, like Cassian is hers… just like Rogue One is hers.

“I’ll come find you after we’re moved in,” she says, and he gives a nod, stepping off the shuttle.

For a brief moment, there’s a weight lifted off of her, because she’s no longer in charge, because there’s a plan in place, because there was no distress signal… and then it resettles, because Cassian isn’t here, and she has no idea where in the galaxy he has gone.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t mean to fall asleep in the middle of the day, but after moving all of their things into their new room, unpacking Cassian and Eura’s things, and finally taking a hot shower, Jyn can’t help but to fall asleep. When she wakes up, there’s banging on her door, and she shuffles to the door with only a tank top for a shirt, feet bare, and pants unbuckled.

“It’s the  _ Recovery _ , ma’am. Popped into atmo almost an hour ago. No one realized you weren’t in the Command Center, and the General has already gone up. You’re in control of the base until he returns.”

She freezes for a moment, and then gives a jerky nod. Everyone here… They knew that Eura was not Jyn’s daughter. They knew that much. They also knew that Major Andor was Draven’s second-in-command, and that he had been injured on Scarif. Therefore, it only made sense…

Jyn didn’t know exactly what they were, but everyone on this base seemed to know.

She doesn’t bother trying to get fully dressed, instead simply shoving her feet into her boots and wrapping her scarf around her neck. So what if her arms are bare - she manages to buckle her belt as well, but she doesn’t really care that she’s not fully dressed. The important bits are covered, but what’s more, it’s here, it’s arrived, it’s-

Cassian isn’t dead, he isn’t dead, and she can’t even think it through. 

Going to the comm, she goes to communicate up, when she gets a shake of the head from the Private in charge. “Comm silence, ma’am. Nothing in or out. The General is going up the once to take supplies with him, and to coordinate the docking, but otherwise, it’s silence.”

She’s ready to ignore the man’s words, but instead just nods. Cassian is out there, so close, but she can’t touch him, can’t see him, can’t even contact him. Instead, she just has to wait, has to wait until Draven returns, a few hours later.

And when he does, she’s ready to hit him.

“I should have been the one to go up there,” she says, and they’re surrounded by others in the hangar, who quickly head in other directions. 

“There wasn’t any time to grab you,” the General says, and she knows he’s full of bantha shit, even calls him on it.

“We thought he was dead. For days, we thought he was dead. Eura had a right to see her father, I-”

“You wouldn’t have come back down, or would have tried to bring him with you. It’s a good thing I went up there on my own - Do you want to hear about Cassian’s recovery, or not?”

He’s right, of course. There was no way Jyn would have left, would have stayed, would have stayed with Eura, and she was needed on the ground here, couldn’t bring Cassian down to them, not yet, but he - he’s alive, he’s alive, and she…

“Is he going to walk?”

That was her first question, because she knew he had feeling in his toes, but not much more.

“The doctor says he’ll be standing by the time the  _ Recovery  _ lands, if not attempting a few steps. He’ll have to stay in medical until he’s able to walk unassisted for a few minutes, at which point, he’ll be in physical therapy for a year.”

She nods, and then sucks in a breath, because she can’t… Cassian was alive, and she… She has to go up and see him.

“Sit down, Erso. Comm silence. It’s protocol. Should take about four weeks for us to establish a secure place for it to land, and when it does, you can see him.”

Four weeks. She could last four weeks. Had gone longer than that, since she had last seen him, last really seen him. She could… 

“I need to tell Eura. We… even Kay thought he was dead.”

She has to tell Eura, and Kay, and she has to…….. 

She must look really shit, because Davits reaches out, grabbing her arm, trying to steady her. Jyn realizes, suddenly, that she feels a little dizzy, and that her hands feel a little numb. Shock. She’s in shock. She’s in shock that Cassian is still alive.

“Woah. Kay knows that he arrived, has probably told Eura by now. He attached a message to take to Cassian. I sat down and talked to him as well, told him that you and Eura were both planetside. Almost jumped up ready to try and hop into my shuttle with me.”

She’s still in shock, barely hearing his words, until suddenly, she’s sitting on a shipment crate, and blinking back tears. Cassian is still alive, and that was a good thing, such a good thing, because Eura needs her father, because Jyn loves him, because he’s still breathing, because Bodhi and Baze and Chirrut are still safe - but then she remembers, laying in the shuttle with Eura, holding that little girl tight in her arms, and whispering that she would always take care of her.

For one foolish, selfish moment… Jyn realizes that Eura is no longer hers to protect. She realizes that the little family they’ve created, she and Eura and Kay, it’s no longer just the three of them, and it’s a karking disastrous family, but it was working, they were figuring it out…

And she wants to be a family with all of them, wants to have Baze and Chirrut, and Bodhi, and Cassian, but she also knows that Cassian keeps everyone at a distance, that he might shut the others out, that he might…

That just because he cared for her, trusted her before, it doesn’t mean anything now. They had been apart for longer than they had known one another. He might have changed his mind, he might…

He might want to separate Eura from Jyn, might see what Jyn had done, in teaching Eura new things, showing her to fight, teaching her to shoot a blaster. If Cassian was in his right mind, he would separate the pair of them, remove Jyn from her life forever, for Eura’s protection…

For a few brief days, she had been terrified that Cassian was dead, that she was on her own, trying to raise a child that wasn’t hers, but now, she has a new fear… that Eura won’t remain part of her life. She has only known the little girl for less than a month, but the thought of leaving Eura behind…

“I need to go talk to Eura,” she says, and the General gives a nod. Still, Jyn isn’t rising from where she is, her gaze lost towards the shuttle… She could take Eura and run. Sure, the shuttle was gutted, but they could steal a different one. She could run, give Eura a better life than she had - and then, horror strikes her. The thought of taking Eura from her father… Cassian would be right to separate them immediately, but she loved Eura… she loved Eura so much, it broke her heart, the thought of not being part of her life anymore.

She’s left to her own thoughts, to her own guilt, to her own self-loathing, and she can’t believe that she was upset for even one second that Cassian was alive, was so selfish to think of taking Eura away from him.

She’s a disaster, a complete disaster, and she should leave for everyone’s benefit, but she’s too weak, she needs her team, needs Cassian, and she can only hope that he might share an ounce of the same affection that she feels for him, because if she has to lose both of them, it might actually crush her, and whatever bit of her soul that’s left, would be shattered.

 

* * *

 

It has been a little under a month since the  _ Recovery _ had appeared above Crait, and in the morning, it will be on the planet. She can’t believe how long time has dragged… she can’t believe how fast it has been. The last month with Eura, she has treasured it, has spent as much time with the little girl as she can.

Jyn is already in the Command Center when Eura wakes up, as she splits the time with the Major and the General, often working the middle of the night into the early morning, but Eura always joins her for breakfast, and no one glances at them while Jyn brushes Eura’s hair, braiding it back carefully. When Jyn had mentioned that her mother always did this for her, Eura had asked for the same, every single day. Jyn never denies her.

They go over codes, talk about the different star systems, use the Command Center as a place ot study all morning, until at lunch time, when Jyn is relieved of the Command. They have lunch together, and then they go about their various duties, Jyn often to take a nap, Eura to follow around pilots or mechanics. They had taken to helping some of the pilots on the X-Wings, learning with a number of the Pathfinders basic repairs.

They eat dinner together with everyone else, and by the time Jyn falls asleep in the bed that will soon be Cassian’s, Eura is in her own bed, reading with Kay or playing by herself. She understands that Jyn has to get up in the middle of the night, knows far too well that Jyn has to sleep at some point…

Not tonight, though. She had worked longer that day, stayed in Command until after dinner, so that then the Major could take over at almost midnight. Jyn had then returned to the room she shared with Eura to find Eura in the big bed, waiting for her.

She pulled on her sleep clothes quickly, then climbed into the bed, not even questioning it. Everything tomorrow would change, Cassian would be on the planet, they would see him again, and maybe… maybe Jyn would be brave enough to tell him how she felt. 

They settle under the blankets, and it’s a comfortable silence, but clearly, something is on Eura’s mind. They both need sleep, want to be up early so that they can be there when the  _ Recovery _ lands, but it’s impossible to sleep when they’re both so excited.

Having a month means a month to realize and accept that this time had to come to an end. If Cassian did separate them, she would have some time after that before he was out of Medical.. She would figure out a way to say goodbye in that time. In the meantime, she would cherish every memory, every smile, every experience.

“Jyn?”

Eura has grown so much in the past nearly two months that they have known one another, and Jyn gives a nod, shifting closer so that she can hear Eura. “What’s on your mind?”

There’s another bit of silence, and then Eura finally speaks. “When we thought Papa was dead, you said you would stay forever, that you would take care of me. You promised to never leave… but now, Papa is here. Are you going to leave, now?”

Jyn smiled a little, shaking her head. She would cross the bridge when she got there, if Cassian so requested it.

“Not even a bantha could drag me away from you. I would fight a whole squadron of troopers just to give you another hug. I’ll always take care of you.”

Eura nods a little, and then she looks away, and Jyn realizes what the question is before it’s even out in the air.

“I asked you before, but I want… Why don’t you want to be my Mama?”

Jyn’s heart broke a little, the cracks in it starting to shatter, and she’s surprised at how quickly tears have filled her eyes. “Oh Eura… You have no idea how badly I wish I was your Mama. Don’t you realize you’re the most precious thing to me?”

She’s trying, trying to keep it clear that this isn’t her decision, because she told Eura before that they have to talk to Cassian about it… She can’t give an answer, not really, not the one that Eura really wants, that Jyn wants to give her.

“Then why not? Why can’t you be my Mama?”

The tears start to fall, and Jyn smiles, trying to keep a tight grip on her emotions, running her fingers under Eura’s eyes to wipe away the tears. “It’s not just about you and I. It’s about your Papa and I as well. Mamas are very special, and your Papa has to want me to be your Mama as well.”

Eura nods a little, like she might understand. She really is too smart, to brave, this bright child. “But you love me, right? You love me like I was your baby?”

Jyn nods, her chin shaking a little, and she presses a kiss to Eura’s forehead, runs her hand over the braids that are still in her hair. “I love you so much. No matter what happens, you’ll always be my baby. I know I have no claim to you, but you’re mine, Eura Andor. You’re my bright girl.”

Eura’s crying too, and they hug one another, Jyn sitting up to pull the girl to her.

“Papa… he’ll see we love each other, right?”

Jyn nodded, trying to be brave, but she was afraid, so afraid that this might end.

“Do you love my Papa too?”

Jyn chokes on a sob, because she does, she loves Cassian so much that it hurts, it aches inside of her and she feels ill, because she has never loved anyone or anything so much in her life, and maybe it’s just the idea of him, because it’s been so long, but she wants to love him, wants him to be part of her life more than anything, and it goes beyond this connection with Eura. 

When he had nearly died on Scarif, on Yavin, she had felt her soul rip into shreds, like part of her heart was within him, dying with him. She loved him even then, even if she couldn’t say the words. She loves him now.

“I love your Papa very much, but I’m not sure he feels the same way about me, and that’s what matters. He has to love me back, but that doesn’t change anything about us, okay? Whether or not he loves me, I will  _ always _ love you. Do you understand?”

Eura nods, clinging tight to Jyn, and the pair of them settle back into the bed, Eura’s head on Jyn’s shoulder, Jyn’s fingers running into her hair, tugging the ties out of it so that her fingers can slowly unweave it.

“I think he loves you,” Eura says, and she actually sounds so sure. “He never trusted anyone before you, always told me I couldn’t trust anyone… but he trusted you. That has to be a little like love.”

Jyn smiles a little to herself, knowing that Eura can’t see her in the darkness, and maybe Eura is right. “Maybe. I know that I trust him, though. We can’t worry about it anymore, though. We’ll see him in the morning. Close your eyes and get some rest.”

This might be the last night she gets to spend loving Eura as her little girl, and Jyn spends the entire night, wide awake. 

She loves Cassian, loves his daughter, and the thought of losing either of them… She’s not sure how she would survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10, we're going to just go back to Scarif because we can because - Just kidding. It's the reunion. They're going to be reunited. It's going to be lovely. Things will be beautiful. People will cry.
> 
> As previously noted, I have 1 planned epilogue, but I have a few like... tossed around ideas for after that. I haven't decided if I'll just post a separate fic, and make these part of a collection, or if I'll just have additional epilogues. Nothing going on after the planned epilogue will have actual PLOT, but it will be just for fun, like showing Eura and Uncle Bodhi, also a sexy-times Epilogue because that will NOT be included in what's here, so yeah. THERE WILL BE MORE but it will not be showing like the Rebellion moving after Crait oh no just like little scenes.
> 
> Idk when Chapter 10 will be posted. I'm all done with Jyn Week, but I am leaving tomorrow for the long weekend and won't be back until Tuesday night, and I'm not taking my laptop with me. So, yeah. And Chapter 10 is honestly the biggest chapter, even bigger than this one.
> 
> If you want updates on life or to chat about Jyn / Rebelcaptain, you can find me on [tumblr](http://melanoradrood.tumblr.com).


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
>  _Jyn and Eura travel to Crait from Yavin, and grow closer than ever. When they land, it’s revealed that Draven has placed Jyn in charge until he arrives. They are busy with establishing the new base, but Jyn realizes it has been too long… and Kay gives her Cassian’s message, fearing that Cassian is dead. Draven arrives soon after, and then the ship itself. They have to wait a few weeks, but then it’s time for Cassian to land on the planet… and Jyn has to face the reality that she loves Eura, loves Cassian, and can’t lose them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are... It's the last chapter... Enjoy!

How long has Jyn been waiting for this? Counting down the days, the hours, until she can see Cassian again. The past few weeks, months, really, had worn her down, until now, she’s standing here beside General Draven with a tiny Eura beside her, holding hands with one another. They had woken up a little late, Jyn had braided her hair, and then they had both gotten dressed and eaten breakfast. Once the freighter was set to land, they had joined the General at the passageway, waiting until everything was settled before the new doors were opened.

It took a lot longer than Jyn had expected, but then the ramp to the freighter itself opened, and it attached to the base, connecting them. She let the General go first, and then Eura and Jyn, together, stepped into the medical wing.

It was much the same as it had been the last time she had been there, an open lobby, and then into the triage area. Jyn knew where the ICU was, but Cassian was likely no longer there. Stepping up to one of the medics that approached, she asked where his room was, only to get a harumph.

“Sergeant Erso?” The medic asked, and Jyn sucked in a breath, because she still wasn’t used to rank, wasn’t going to correct him.

“I am his medical contact, and I know he’s awake. This is his daughter.”

“Both of you are scheduled for mandatory physical evaluations,” the medic says, and Eura tightens her grip on Jyn’s hand.

“Can’t it wait?” Jyn asks, and she wants to see him, has only so much courage left in her.

“Sergeant-”

“It’s Captain, actually,” Jyn says, interrupting, because she doesn’t care about rank, but she’ll throw it out there if it gets her to Cassian sooner.

“You had your cast removed too early, have been without medical care, have no vaccination records, and you suffered a blaster wound a few days before evacuation. All of your injuries must be checked, and we need to administer the second round of vaccinations.” Jyn could only guess she had the first round done while she had been out of it last time. “As for Eura Andor, she is set to receive a checkup after any major event, per her father’s request. She just traveled across the galaxy. She needs a checkup.”

Jyn gives a nod, then smiles at Eura. “We’ll get you checked up first, and then you can go and see your Papa. I’ll join you after I finish my checkup, alright?”

Eura nods, gripping tighter to Jyn’s hand, and then the pair are being carted off to a bed.

Eura does go first, and it’s all very simple, taking her diagnostics, checking her eyes, eyeing her hands. The medic seems to judge that Eura’s hands are getting a little rough from all of the work, but Eura just smiles and explains how she has been working on one of the older X-Wings, which seems to placate the man, temporarily. Eventually, she gets a clean bill of health, which means it’s Jyn’s turn.

“Go on,” Jyn says, and she beckons over another medic. “This is Eura Andor. Can you take her to see her father, Major Andor?”

The medic agrees, and Jyn gives Eura one last little wave and smile before they are separated.

Her leg has healed properly, at least, but she’s getting fussed at for her arm. It doesn’t ache anymore, but there’s a new brace to put it in, which makes doing anything karking impossible, but she suffers it, for the moment. The vaccinations hurt, and she probably didn’t need all of them, but Saw hadn’t been that on top of things like immunizations, so she suffers through them. 

When she’s finally given a thumbs up, and told to return in two weeks for her arm, Jyn is practically losing her mind, ready to go find Cassian. She had taken almost an hour, which meant that Eura could be telling him all of the terrible things that Jyn had done… she hadn’t even given Eura a kiss goodbye, just in case this was the end. She already missed her little girl.

“Captain Erso? Would you also like to know the status of the rest of your team?”

Jyn blinks, because team… right. How could she be so wrapped up that she forgot about Bodhi and Chirrut? She gives a nod, and follows after the Doctor that came to find her, until they make it to the ICU again. 

“It’s not as though these beds were required for anything else, so everyone was allowed a bit of privacy in their own rooms,” the Doctor explains, and Jyn passes by a closed door that she suspects Cassian is inside, with Eura. She keeps herself from going in there, instead going into Bodhi’s room.

It’s very different from last time - the bed is still the hospital bed, but most of the medical equipment has been pushed into the corner, and he’s wearing clothes, real clothes, likely borrowed. Where his hand should be, there was still a stump, but he had a smile, his hair was combed back, and he looked healthy, strong, his face filling out a little.

“Bo?” she asks carefully, and he looks up from his datapad, smiling at her.

“Jyn! Cassian said you were here, but I’m glad to see it with my own eyes.”

His voice was clear, and he sounded so sure of himself… he was in far better condition than he had been the last time she saw him.

“How are you?” she asks carefully, but Bodhi shrugs her off. 

“Missing a hand, still, but now that we’ve landed, they can start building me a mechanical one. I’ll be up in the air before Cassian is walking, telling you now.” He’s laughing, like it’s some sort of joke, but Jyn’s face falls a little.

Cassian walking… would it really take that long? The General had said he would be running again one day, but she had hoped that, by now, he would be taking steps. How bad was he, still?

“Jyn? Have you not been to see him yet?”

She shakes her head a little and goes to step more into the room, but Bodhi is already hopping off the bed, moving towards her.

“What are you doing here, then? Go see him! It’s all he has been able to talk about, wanting to be able to walk to see you, wanting out of this hospital so that the can stop feeling useless. He’s probably going insane, waiting for you.”

She shook her head as the pair of them stepped into the hallway. “Chirrut, I need to check on-”

“He’s in physical therapy,” Bodhi says, interrupting her. “And Baze is with him. You can see them both later. Go in there. Go see him.”

She’s still looking at the door and swallows, shaking her head. “Bodhi… I think I-”

“Oh, I already know how he feels,” Bodhi says, and she looks at him, taking in a deep breath, hoping for  _ more _ . “And it’s obvious how you feel. Go in there. I’ll be happy to babysit Eura, once I get to really meet her. Go be happy with your family.”

_ Family _ . Was that what they were? Maybe… maybe one day…

“You’re family too,” Jyn says, and she reaches out, grabs his forearm, squeezes slightly. “What we went through… I don’t want you to ever think you’re not part of this.”

Bodhi laughs, like he has probably already had this conversation with Cassian, and he probably has. That bodes well for her, then, that he might want to have this family they created. 

“We survived death together, Jyn. I won’t forget that. We are a family - but you and Cassian? I’m not telling you that there’s a bet, but if you could figure this out sooner rather than later, my empty wallet would thank you.”

Right. Right.

The Jyn of a few months, even a few weeks, ago… would think that he was full of bantha shit, that Cassian didn’t feel the same way, that she was just imagining it. Maybe, right now, his feelings weren’t as deep as hers, but she already knew the truth - Cassian cared for her, deeply. She knew that, knew it more than anything, that Cassian wanted something with her. She heard his message, knew what the General had said… He cared for her as she did for him.

The only question that remained was whether or not he would forgive her for what occured with Eura… and whether or not he would still feel that way when they were no longer facing death, when things were normal. Were they both in love with a dream? An idea? 

Did Cassian really love  _ her _ ?

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t thought it was possible, but somehow, in the past few months, his daughter had grown. She had been a baby in his eyes, all those weeks ago, his little baby girl, and then he had left for Jedha, had been there for only a day before Scarif, and now, she looked far too mature for her six years. She wasn’t a little baby anymore, not with how she carried herself - when she walked into his room, her chin was raised, and she looked solemn, very solemn.

And then, a smile had burst across her face, and there she was, the beautiful little girl he had left behind. She had rushed across the room and half flung herself up onto the bed, and he wishes that he was standing, or sitting in a chair, but he had done a number on his legs the day before in physical therapy, and hadn’t even been able to hoist himself from the bed without help - and the medics refused to help him anymore, telling him if he was going to get stronger, he had to learn to get himself around.

So in the bed he remained, and he picked her up quickly, pulling her onto the bed. She shifted onto one side as her arms went around him, and he was so grateful for the minor painkillers he had taken earlier. They weren’t really taking off the dull ache that would likely never go away, but they did help with the soreness, a little, allowing him to squeeze Eura back just as tight.

It had only been two months, but he was different, and so was she. Cassian was no longer an undercover operative, was no longer really a spy. He was broken, battered, his body bruised and beaten. He hated how weak and useless he felt, but with the news of his promotion, new realizations had set in. Cassian would no longer be leaving, save for smaller things, or big meetings. He could be a constant in her life. He might actually survive the war.

Eura still clung to him, and he ran his fingers over her hair, noting it wasn’t pulled back into some sort of bun like normal. Instead, she wore twin braids, and he knew that it was Jyn who had placed them there. He smiled against her forehead, pressing a kiss there, and he looked towards the door, seeing that it was closed. Where  _ was _ Jyn?

“Papa, I have so much to tell you about!” she said excitedly, but it was half muffled, as her face was pressed into his shoulder. He laughed a little, shifting so that she could sit up beside him.

“And I want to hear all of it,” he promised, and his eyes looked to the door again. “Where is Jyn?”

Eura let out a scoff and her eyes rolled, something that was eerily similar to Jyn, and a part of Cassian ached, wishing that he could have been there these past days, watching his daughter learn from Jyn. “They made us take a physical. She sent me ahead so that I could see you, but she’ll be here soon - I have to tell you things, Papa!”

He nods and smiles, ready to hear it. “Alright, fill me in, then!”

Eura talks… and talks… and talks. It’s maybe the most words his daughter has ever strung together in one breath, normally a very quiet child, but she clearly had been on quite the adventure. She talks about traveling on the shuttle from Yavin to Crait, about how she had worked on an X-Wing and a Hangar door, and had helped to rip apart a shuttle. She talks about how Jyn was teaching her more and more languages, how she could slice into a datapad with no access code, how she was officially a mechanic - and that made Cassian pause.

“What do you mean, you’re a mechanic? Eura, you are not part of the Rebellion.”

Eura scoffs again, eyes rolling, and it was cute the first time, but now, he’s concerned. “It’s just a cover story, Papa. I wasn’t supposed to come here, but Jyn would have gotten into trouble! Kay told them that I could work as a mechanic, and I’m good at it, Papa! And I can talk to the astromechs without them being in place, so I’m useful!”

He’s still not convinced, but there’s more to this story he hasn’t heard. “What else has Jyn been teaching you?”

“She showed me how to use a  _ truncheon _ ! She made me a set of my own! And she showed me how to use my blaster, and-”

“She  _ what _ ?”

Rage suddenly filled him, because how dare, how  _ dare _ Jyn teach his daughter how to use weapons? She was a child, she should be protected, she should have been safe, she should have-

“Papa, this is a Rebel base! I have to know how to protect myself! Jyn always told me how to be safe, always made me show her places to hide if needed, but she… she said that she could shoot at my age, and she… Papa, don’t be mad at her!”

Cassian wasn’t just mad. He was furious. Eura was supposed to have a better life than him, better than Jyn. He had thought Jyn would understand… why was Eura upset with him, when he was trying to protect her?

“You are too young to use a blaster, Eura.”

“I’m not too young to die!”

He felt sick, suddenly, because Eura shouldn’t say such things, shouldn’t think such things.

“Did Jyn tell you that?”

“No! Jyn only showed me because she told me about what happened to her Mama, and you know what? We thought you were gone! You were supposed to protect me, and Jyn was supposed to protect me, but I should be able to protect myself! I’m not a baby anymore, Papa!”

His heart broke a little, because she was a child, she shouldn’t have these thoughts, she shouldn’t…

“Where are they now, the blaster and the truncheons?” His voice is softer, and Eura relaxes a little in response.

“Jyn keeps them locked up, to be safe. She said that if the base was ever under attack, I’m to find Kay, and Kay will get them to me, and help me find somewhere to hide. She really cares about me, Papa. She only lets me touch them when she’s teaching me. I know they’re not a toy.”

He was going to have words with Jyn… but somehow, he wasn’t quite as angry as he was with Davits when Eura had received the blaster to begin with. Things were different now. They were a Rebellion on the run. How many times did Jyn think that he was dead?

“Only if Jyn says so, and never just for play,” he says, and he wants to take it all away, wants to take away his own memories of holding a blaster, shooting his first stormtrooper, the memories of running for his life… if he’s lucky, Eura will only ever know in theory, will never have to put it into practice.

“You’re not mad at her?” Eura asks, and her voice sounds so hopeful that Cassian sighs a little in response, running his hand into his hair.

“Eura…” He let out another sigh, and shakes his head. He wasn’t sure what he felt right now. “She shouldn’t have done that, but I understand why she did. I want to protect you, but maybe… maybe that was not possible. Things are going to change, though. I won’t be leaving anymore.”

Eura brightened up immediately, the smile almost bursting off her face, and he smiled in response. “No more going on missions?”

He shakes his head a little, glad that she’s happy about it. “Maybe occasionally, but not like it used to be. I received a promotion.”

“So did Jyn!” Eura said excitedly, and he raised his brow. “She’s a Captain now, like you used to be, and she’s the Second in Command, even over Major Bastion! She’s really good at it, too!”

He could easily believe that. Jyn seemed to be good at, well, everything. He wanted to see her, wanted to touch her, wanted to know that Jyn was really real, that she was actually here with him. Waiting for her was soulcrushing.

“Jyn was promoted?” He’s not even sure how to respond to that, but Eura looks so proud… 

“And she and Uncle Davits get along great!”

“They do?”

Eura was nodding, very excited, and Cassian wasn’t sure what to say. 

“And Jyn braided my hair! Her mama used to do it for her, so I asked her to do it for me, because she is my-”

Her words paused, and suddenly, she looked a little upset, instead looking away from Cassian. He wanted to ask, but wouldn’t pry… waited until…

“Papa, I really want… Papa, I…”

He curled his hand on her cheek, forcing his daughter to look at him. “What is it,  _ querida _ ? You can tell me anything.”

“Jyn…” Her voice trailed off for a moment, and her eyes turned really sad. “Papa, I want to keep her! She’s really nice, and kind, and she gives me hugs and treats me like I’m not a baby, and she… she loves me, Papa. I want her to be my Mama.”

He swallowed hard, because this was an answer he already had, already knew. If he could get Jyn alone, he would tell her, in a heartbeat, that he cared for her, that he wanted her to be part of this messed up family, that he… that he wanted her to stay, stay with him and Eura.

“I’ll have to ask Jyn how she would feel about-”

“I already did!” Eura interupted, and she looked so upset. “I even asked her last night, and she told me that it was up to you, because you have to love her too, so why don’t you love Jyn?”

He didn’t have an answer for that, because Eura had just said  _ love her too _ , as if Jyn and his daughter had talked about  _ Jyn loving him _ . 

“Eura… what would make you think I don’t love Jyn?”

Eura looked so hopeful, and then she burst into tears, holding on tight to her Papa as she pulled him into a hug. Cassian went with it, holding onto her, waiting for an answer.

“I love her, Papa. She’s the best. She’s going to be my Mama, so you need to tell her that it’s okay for me to call her that, okay? You have to tell her that she’s my Mama, and you love her. She cried last night, and I don’t think she knows you love her too.”

Cassian tried… Force, he tried to not break down, and instead he just held Eura tighter, held her to his chest, his lips pressed to her forehead. 

“I’ll talk to Jyn as soon as I can, alright,  _ querida _ ? I’ll… We’re going to keep Jyn, okay?”

“Like a family?” she asked, and he nodded, running his hand up and down Eura’s back.

“Yes, Eura. You, me, and Jyn. We’re going to be a family.”

 

* * *

 

Pushing open the door to Cassian’s room, she pauses immediately. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn’t this. Nowhere near as beautiful as this. 

There, laying on a hospital bed, is Cassian Andor, his eyes closed, his face buried into his daughter’s hair. She was curled up against his side, her head on his shoulder, and his arm was wrapped around her, holding her tight. Jyn knew immediately that Eura was asleep, which was not a surprise, given that neither of them had been able to sleep much the night before, and she paused, considering turning and leaving.

Before she can leave, though, Cassian turns to look at her, and she can see that his eyes are red with unshed tears. Jyn freezes, her eyes locking with his, and then his free hand reaches out towards her, as though he wants her to come to him, beckoning her forwards.

Jyn closes the door softly, then goes to the bed, reaching out and taking his hand. It’s not what he wants, though, because he’s pulling her closer, and Jyn… Jyn goes with it, until she realizes what he wants, what he’s asking for.

“Thank you, for keeping her safe,” he says softly, and she knows his voice is gentle for more reasons than because Eura is asleep, and she nods, realizing there is tears in her own eyes. 

“Cassian, I-”

“Shh,” he’s shaking his head at her, and she doesn’t know what she’s going to say, because it doesn’t matter, not really, not now that she’s here. “We can talk later. Force, Jyn, we can talk as much as you want, but right now…  _ please _ .”

She knows what he’s asking, and she nods, careful as she climbs onto the bed beside him. There isn’t really enough room, and they’ve never been this close before, ever, not even when she had half carried him down the platform to Kay’s waiting arms, because now, her head is resting on his chest, and his arm is wrapped around her, and she’s being pressed into his side, clinging to him.

This is family, she realizes. This is happiness, pure and simple, because she’s in his arms, and Eura is here, and they have to talk, oh gods do they have to talk, talk about what has happened, what will happen, what the future holds and what they both want, but this, this is…

“I missed you both so much,” he murmurs, and she sucks in a breath, because Jyn can feel his lips against her hair, can feel him murmuring against her skin. If she were a braver woman, she would tilt her head up to look at him, would kiss him, would tell him how much she loves him… but later. Later is the right answer.

When it’s just the two of them, they can talk about this, because for as much as Eura is part of this, some things… they needed to talk this out, lay it all out there, confess every secret, every desire, and some things, she shouldn’t hear. Later, later when it was just them, Jyn would tell him that she loves him, that she loves both of them, and maybe he would tell her the same.

She’s melting into him, his hand trailing over her shoulders, shifting lower, and she presses into him more, her hand resting on his chest. She feels something, under her shirt, and she knows what it is - the crystal, her crystal. She says nothing as she lifts her head a little, tugging at the cord around his neck, and she looks at the crystal in her hands as it’s pulled from his shirt. 

“I kept it with me, always,” he murmurs, and she smiles a little - he had kept her with him, a memory of her, every step of the way.

“Cassian, I have to tell you…”

“Please let me just hold my girls,” Cassian begs, and she finally looks up at him, can see how pained he is, like he’s scared of what she might say. Like he’s scared that she might say something other than how she feels for him, like he’s scared that she might not feel the same way. She wants to put those fears to rest, and then she realizes… maybe this is his way of saying goodbye, because he… because he can’t.

No. Jyn knows he loves her, knows he loves everything about her. Her eyes flick to his lips, and she really thinks about it, really wants to give in, but she doesn’t, just nodding. Her lips press together and she settles back onto his chest, and she can hear his heart racing, and then start to slow once more.

It’s not until she’s half asleep that she remembers what he said.  _ His girls _ . Cassian had called them  _ his _ .

 

* * *

 

Somehow, life finds a new rhythm, now that Cassian is planet side. They don’t get a chance to talk alone, but that’s okay with Jyn. She’s his, and he is hers, and Eura is theirs, and she knows that, knows it without them saying it. He doesn’t have to say anything, not when he grabs her hand before she goes to leave, not when their eyes lock over top of Eura’s head - she knows, knows that he cares for her.

So they haven’t said it yet, that’s okay with Jyn. They’ll get there. They have time, now. All the time in the world.

She just wishes that that time would come, now, that they could have that conversation, that they could talk, that she could get five minutes alone with him. Jyn is glad, that she can finally see Eura and Cassian together, but she wishes… 

She just wants five minutes, to kiss him soundly, to maybe… Maybe there’s a part of her that’s still afraid, but she holds onto hope. He smiles at her, always reaches for her, and they’re touching, they’re always touching. His hand always goes out towards her, her hand is always on his arm, his shoulder, and it’s constant, so constant, she feels cold when he’s not touching her.

She feels cold in his bed, when she wakes up each morning, cold as she climbs out of bed and takes Eura to breakfast. They then join Cassian at his physical therapy, and it’s warmth, all warmth as Eura works on her school work while Jyn helps Cassian, and she’s there every step, helping him out of the bed, helping him to walk, helping him to keep moving forward. She’s cold when she leaves for lunch, so cold when she sits in command, when she goes over the numbers, and she misses him, just wants to cross the base to him.

And she does, every evening, and it’s all warmth, but it’s even more than that, because all of them are together. They sit there, a big family, Baze and Chirrut, Bodhi, Eura and Cassian, and even Kay. They sit together, all of them spread around, and Kay and Jyn bring the food, and it’s real, and it’s great.

And every evening, Jyn and Eura end up in Cassian’s bed, with Cassian sitting against one side of it, as it’s pushed against the wall, and Jyn in his arms, and Eura in her’s, and they talk, and they laugh, and it’s…

Every night, Eura is fascinated, listening to Bodhi sing songs from Jedha, and hearing Chirrut tell grand stories, and Baze… he has a lovely baritone when he joins Bodhi, and even Cassian has stories from the galaxy. Eura calls them her family, and no one says otherwise, and it’s beautiful, it’s so beautiful.

They spend every evening like this, until Eura and Jyn are kicked out, and when they climb into bed, there are smiles on their faces. The warmth from Cassian’s arms, from him holding her tight, from his arms wrapped around her… it stays with her all night long.

Until the next morning, when she has to get up, and unlike in her dreams, Cassian isn’t in bed beside her. She dreams of it, dreams of him holding her, of him holding her when she isn’t holding Eura, dreams of him wrapping his arms around her to hold  _ her _ , and Force above, she just wants to hold him back, for no reason, wants to wrap her arms around him because she can, not because she’s helping him in and out of his chair, and she…

They have to talk, but there’s never a chance. There’s always Eura, or a doctor, or even Chirrut… everyone is always there, and Jyn just wants quiet. Just five minutes. Five minutes with Cassian.

She tries, tries desperately. She takes Eura to see Bodhi before they go to Cassian’s room, but when she enters, there’s a doctor. When it’s late and it’s time for bed, she lingers behind, but Kay is there, insisting that he talk to Cassian. She tries to visit him in the middle of her shift, but the General is there, and she can see it in his eyes, can see him looking at her like he wants it as much as she does.

They’ll get a moment of peace eventually, but it has been days, and the longest they have had alone was when Eura was asleep. She should have told him then… soon. She’ll tell him how she feels about him soon.

They have time. They finally have time. She’ll tell him soon.

 

* * *

 

The  _ Recovery _ has been attached to the base on Crait for three weeks when Cassian finally, finally, takes his first steps. His first real steps, without holding onto someone, without holding onto a bar. It’s out of nowhere, really, almost like he hadn’t been expecting it… But Jyn had been just a few steps away, and when he started inching forward, one foot after another, Jyn had smiled.

And he had smiled back. 

One, two, three steps forward, and they’re both grinning as Jyn reaches towards him. He reaches back, and then he’s stumbling into her, steps four five and six, but that’s okay, that’s perfectly okay with Jyn, because he’s standing on his own, pulling himself up, and then taking steps towards her. 

He takes a few more that session, and when he manages five steps in a row before he stumbles, Jyn catches him, her arms wrapping around him more like a hug than anything else. He hugs her back, and she… she’s so karking proud of him, it’s unreal.

“You’re walking,” she says, and Cassian straightens up a little, even as he winces. She knows that Cassian is sore, will be struggling to get up the next day, but he’s walking, walking for real, and that’s all that matters to Jyn.

“Thanks to you,” he says, and she smiles as he straightens all the way, both of his arms resting on her, clinging to her. Maybe it is thanks to her, but it’s because he never gave up. That’s what really mattered.

She doesn’t say anything in response, can’t say anything, not when Cassian’s hand shifts to the side of her face. Jyn sucks in a breath, her hand moving from behind his back to his chest, and her fingers grab onto the crystal. They’ve never discussed this either, but she knows that he saw her message, knows that he knows she saw his. They’re connected, and it goes beyond her trusting him with the kyber, beyond him trusting her with his daughter.

They’re connected by the Force, by the way they always come back for one another, by how they struggle and survive and mend together. She holds onto him now like he’s her connection to life itself, and when he tilts her face up to look at him, Jyn can do nothing but smile, smile because she loves him, because he loves her.

“Papa, you’re walking!”

There’s a sudden assault by a six year old, flinging herself at them, and Jyn and Cassian both look away, look down at Eura, who has wrapped herself around their legs. Jyn runs her fingers over Eura’s temple, and Cassian wraps his arm around her, and she knows that Cassian wishes he could pick her up, so Jyn does it for him.

Eura is heavy, really heavy, but Jyn can do it anyways, lifting Eura onto her hip, and then shifting closer to Cassian. His arm goes around both of them holding them close, and he presses a kiss to Eura’s forehead…

And then he looks at Jyn like he might do it, and all she wants is for his lips to press to her skin, but instead, he smiles at her, and that? That’s enough.

Just a few more weeks until he’s out of medical, and then maybe, they can get five minutes alone.

 

* * *

 

He’s walking. He’s walking, taking more and more steps every day over the next three weeks, and when the Doctors start to talk about releasing Cassian from medical, it suddenly hits Jyn that  _ this is it _ . They’ve made it, they’ve survived his time in medical, survived being separated. After all this time, Cassian will be put back onto duty, he’ll be part of their daily, lives, and she will finally have five minutes to talk to him.

“I get to spend time with Papa without any of the Doctors around?” Eura asks, and she looks so hopeful, Jyn can’t help but to smile as they talk about it over breakfast. 

“Maybe. The Doctors say that they need about two more weeks with him multiple times a day, but if he’s reliably walking with his cane, they’ll let him shift to physical therapy once a day, and release him from the medical wing.

Bodhi had been released the week before, but Baze and Chirrut had remained, given there was no space for them yet. There was no other space for anyone on base, the base rather full at present. Cassian would be released in two weeks time, would be coming to their room, would be…

“I can’t wait to just spend time with Papa alone!” Eura says, and Jyn hums at her over her caf, her attention caught on the datapad in front of her. “He can read to me at night, and brush my hair, and I can show him how to play sabacc!”

Jyn was pretty sure that Cassian already knew how to play the game, but her attention was pulled from what she was reading, looking up at the little girl with a watchful eye.

Jyn was the one that read to her each evening, was the one that brushed her hair, that played games with her and had tea parties. Even with her other duties, Jyn made time for Eura, for just the two of them, but now that Cassian was being released… Eura wanted to do those things with her Papa.

Of course she did. Those were things she had always done with Cassian. Jyn was just a placeholder, a temporary parent, and while she knew that Eura loved her, it was in that moment that Jyn realized that things couldn’t just continue how they were, with Jyn and Eura doing everything together.

Cassian was her father, and now that he was returning to Eura’s daily life, Jyn had to take a step back.

Those thoughts stay with her throughout the day, but they’re brought up fresh when she goes to take Cassian dinner, and finds Eura already in his room. They’re eating together, laughing as Eura teases her Papa about how she now knows more languages than him.

She doesn’t join them for dinner, ends up eating in the room alone, and when Eura comes back from visiting her Papa, she doesn’t even seem to notice Jyn.

All this time, Jyn had thought the problem would be Cassian, wanting to keep her and Eura apart, except now, Jyn realizes that Eura wants time with her Papa. It was only natural, of course. If Jyn could have even a few hours with her own father, she would take them. After all this time, Eura and Cassian had to find their own rhythm, a new way of life.

And even if Cassian loved her, even if Eura cared for her, Eura didn’t need her anymore. Not really.

She starts looking for an empty space the next day, and finds a storage area that is rarely used, with older records and weapons. Jyn clears out an area and finds an old bed, and then starts to move her things from the closet.

Eura doesn’t notice, but Kay does, and he says nothing.

Two weeks. She has two weeks to remove herself from Eura’s life, and Jyn does so one step at a time. She stops joining Eura and Cassian for dinner, she says nothing when Eura doesn’t ask her to braid her hair one morning, and eventually… eventually, the only thing that Jyn has left in the room is her sleep clothes. She sleeps in the room to keep Eura company, but she knows that when the time comes, when Cassian is realeased from medical, she has to move on.

This is what heartbreak feels like, Jyn realizes the morning that Cassian is released from medical. Eura didn’t need her, and no matter what Cassian felt for her, his daughter was first, of course. She would simply slip out of their lives, allow father and daughter to spend time together once more.

She loved them, and for them, she would step aside. They were a family, and Jyn? 

Eura hadn’t asked in weeks if she would be her Mama. That was sign enough. Jyn knew that Cassian loved her, maybe, but things might have changed… He might have… no. She knows she can’t assume anything, but he had been on the planet for over a month, and had still said nothing, had still left Jyn to wonder.

It’s her insecurity, and deep down Jyn knows that, but she also knows that they would never kick her out of their room… but it’s their room, their lives, their family, not hers, and no matter how she feels…

She’ll step aside. She’s not part of their family. Not really. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

He can’t believe he’s finally released from medical, can’t believe he’s finally free, and when he steps outside of the medical wing, his feet feel heavy. All he wants is to sleep in his own bed, wants to pull Jyn to him, and tonight… Tonight, Eura will sleep in her own bed, in her own room, and Cassian will finally be able to Jyn, alone, in silence, that he’s in love with her.

The past month has killed him, having her so close, and he almost kisses her time and again, but he has so much to tell her, doesn’t want to share her with anyone else. He’s being selfish, perhaps, but when he tells Jyn that he loves her, it’s going to mean so much more than that. He had meant what he told Eura - they were going to keep Jyn, keep her for the rest of their lives, if Jyn will say yes.

Maybe it’s too soon, and maybe he won’t say everything, but he’s going to start with kissing her, kissing her hello and goodbye and good night and good morning, and he’s going to… his body isn’t quite up for everything he wants, but Force, he’s going to hold Jyn tonight, going to hold her all night long, and nothing and no one will stop them.

He doesn’t need the help of the cane, but he uses it all the same, and Eura is there in front of him, chattering away as she leads him to their room. She’s careful to show him the room code to get in, and he grins as they step inside.

It’s bigger than their room on Yavin, and Cassian sits down hard into the seat at the table. There’s a table, with three seats, and he smiles because there’s one for each of them. Eura has her own room as well, and she tells Cassian that she wants to show it to him, but right now, he just wants to sit and relax, maybe take a nap, because Jyn will be off shift in a few hours, and they can eat dinner together, as a family.

He finally pushes himself from his chair, and he smiles as he looks around, as he looks at the touches, sees that Jyn had unpacked some of his things, his favorite jackets, his clothes. In the bathroom is his things, and the bed, he can see it’s rumpled slightly where Jyn had slept, and when he sits down onto it, he breathes in a deep breath.

It takes him a few minutes, though, to realize that something is wrong. Something is off.

This is just like the room on Yavin, but it shouldn’t be. It was no longer just Eura and himself, but also Jyn. Where was Jyn’s things? Surely she had things. Surely, after all this time, she had a few personal affects. 

There was nothing in the closet, nothing in the fresher. Her datapads were not here, and he knew she had to have some. Not even her overnight bag… nothing in this room showed that Jyn lived there. It was like she wasn’t part of this room… like this wasn’t hers.

He tries to not worry about it, but when it’s an hour after her shift has ended and Jyn still hasn’t showed up, Cassian realizes that Jyn isn’t coming, that her things were missing for a reason, that Jyn was gone. He feels sick, can’t even look at the bed, and when Eura wakes up from the nap she had taken, he tries, very gently, to ask what’s going on.

“Eura, did Jyn say anything this morning about working late today?” He’s trying to not worry Eura, but Eura shakes her head in response, confusion clear in her face.

“She has been working a lot lately... “

He had noticed, noticed that Jyn was no longer coming to dinner, but he hadn’t asked, and maybe he should have. He had noticed, that Eura’s hair was no longer in braids. He had noticed she was pulling away… he should have asked, should have told her-

“Papa, Jyn has been acting strange. She hasn’t been reading to me, and she never offers to braid my hair anymore. Do you think she’s upset with me?”

Cassian shakes his head, and no, that isn’t it. He saw how Jyn looked at Eura, how Jyn smiled at his little girl - clearly, Jyn still adored Eura, which meant it was more than that.

“No,  _ querida _ , you did nothing wrong. It’s me. I think… I think I did something wrong?”

There’s panic on Eura’s face, and if that wasn’t obvious enough, it’s also there in her voice when she speaks. “Papa, what did you do?”

He lets out a groan, running a hand into his hair. “More like, what I didn’t do. Eura, I never… Jyn and I… I never told her, about how I feel.”

About the fact that he was in love with Jyn, about the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, that he wanted Jyn to be part of this family, that Eura wanted her to be her Mama… He should have told her sooner, but he was going to tell her now.

“You mean, Jyn doesn’t know she can be my Mama?” Eura looked upset now, and Cassian nodded a little, running a thumb over Eura brow, trying to soothe it.

“Do you still want her to be your Mama?”

He could only hope that Eura said yes.

“Of course! I love Jyn! She’s so nice, and she loves me! I know she loves me, even if she cries a lot when she thinks I’m asleep! She loves me and I know she wants to be my Mama.”

“Jyn has been crying?” he asks, and now he really is worried. Why has Jyn been crying?

“The past few days, she cries a lot, and I keep seeing her taking stuff out of this room. Do you think she left us, Papa? She promised to stay, forever! She promised she would stay! You have to go get her! You can’t let Jyn leave us.”

Eura was crying now, and Cassian nodded, because yeah, he was going to go get Jyn, bring her back, tell her - he was going to tell Jyn that he loved her.

“Don’t worry. I’m going to go find Jyn. You stay here and get ready for bed. When I come back,  _ with Jyn _ , we’ll tuck you into bed. Okay?”

Eura nods, and Cassian forces himself to stand, trying to not groan as his back cracks. Kay is powered down at the moment in Eura’s room, and he doesn’t go to wake the droid up, but he does want to know what Jyn has been up to… the second option is the General, so that’s where he’ll start.

“When I come back, we’ll be a family. I’m going to go get your Mama, and bring her home.”

 

* * *

 

He can’t find her. He can’t find Jyn.

He starts with the Command Center, and is met with a man he has never seen before. The uniform looks older than Cassian is, and he introduces himself as Major Bastion… but Cassian doesn’t have time for the old man, not until he says something that makes Cassian freeze, and feel ever worse.

“You’re a lucky man. That little girl of yours is something else, and Erso? She’s one hell of a woman. No wonder you fought through hell to get back to her. She loves you something else. Surprised you haven’t asked her to marry you yet, although, can you even keep a woman like her tied down? You have your hands full with those two.”

Fuck, did everyone on this base realize how they felt about each other? Did everyone here know that he was in love with Jyn? Did everyone think that he and Jyn were already together?

“Sad thing, when she thought you were dead… I mean, we all thought the  _ Recovery  _ was lost, but Erso… she didn’t take it too well. Scared half the base with her screams… Pull that bantha shit on her again, and half this base might shoot you. Girl like her, she has suffered enough…”

Cassian doesn’t stay to hear anything else, still looking for Jyn, for Draven, for anyone that might have an answer.

It’s Wedge Antilles he runs into next, on his way back from dinner. Cassian barely knows the man, but he knows that Jyn knows him, knows from Eura that Wedge had befriended her, that Bodhi was sharing a room with him.

“Major Andor, up and walking! It’s good to see you moving around, sir, but what are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your freedom with Jyn?”

Cassian shakes his head, and his legs are shaking, but he can’t stop looking for Jyn. “Jyn, have you seen her?”

Wedge shakes his head, clearly confused, and Cassian feels sick, because he can’t keep up this search all over base, but he’ll keep going until he finds her.

“Haven’t seen her since she got off a few hours ago. I offered to cover half of her shift, if she would let me, but she refused. She looked distracted, but I figured it was because of you. Can’t imagine why she would be missing… have you checked with Bey?”

That sends Cassian off towards the larger quarters, where Shara Bey shares with her husband, Kes. He was glad to hear that Kes had made it off the beaches, always considered Dameron to be a good soldier, but he hadn’t asked the man for a reason - Kes was good people, always helpful, hadn’t done a damn thing to deserve a sure death. To have him arrive anyways planetside… well, Cassian was glad he made it off.

He hates banging on the door, and when a half dressed Shara Bey opens the door, he feels like shit - until he realizes that she had only just gotten off shift, and Kes wasn’t here. Well, maybe he wasn’t interrupting anything, but still, he needed the pilot on his good side.

“Jyn, have you seen her?”

“Hello to you too,” Shara says, and she’s crossing her arms across her chest, fixing him with a look that says he screwed up… 

“Yes, Shara, glad we’re alive - Jyn. I can’t find her.”

“Maybe Jyn doesn’t want to be found,” Shara says, and yeah, she’s pissed at him. Really pissed at him.

“Look, I don’t have time for this, but I need to find her. I should have - Force, I should have told her, but I can’t find her.”

Shara softens for a moment, then gives a nod. “There’s a supply closet near the communal fresher. She moved in there last week, asked if she could take our extra cot. I don’t know what happened with the pair of you, but you should probably fix it. I don’t like seeing Jyn sad.”

Cassian would thank the Lieutenant later, and went searching for the fresher. He found it, and the closet, and when he went in, he found the cot, found Jyn’s things, but no Jyn. Jyn wasn’t here, and his back was aching so bad, it hurt to stand up straight. He couldn’t keep going anymore. When he had left the room, Cassian had promised he would return with Jyn…

He would have to search for her the next day, because there was no way he could walk any further.

Stumbling back to his room was painful in every step, and by the time he reaches their hallway, Cassian has one hand on the wall, trying not to stumble. At this rate, he doesn’t care if anyone runs into him, just so long as someone helps him. He has to make it though, has to get to his room.

He failed. For the first time in his life, Cassian had well and truly failed. He hadn’t found Jyn, he hadn’t been able to heal this wound between them, and Eura was going to be devastated. He had screwed it all up, somehow, and all he wanted was to see Jyn, to tell her how he felt…

He could hear her voice, even now.

No, scratch that.

_ He could hear her voice _ .

Stumbling to his room, he saw that the door was open, and Jyn had her arms wrapped around Eura. Eura was crying, and Jyn was holding her tight, whispering softly to his little girl.

“Eura, this wasn’t an emergency. You can’t just use his comms and say that there’s an emergency - I thought your Papa had hurt himself, or that you were injured - You had me worried sick!”

“But Papa is looking for you and hasn’t come back,” Eura cried, and Jyn was tsking at the girl, running her hands over her hair.

“He would have come back, and I can talk to him tomorrow. You should be enjoying your first night back together, not worrying about me. This is a special time for your family, to be reunited.”

“But  _ you’re _ our family,” Eura insisted, and Jyn was pulling away to say something when she saw him, saw him standing there, clinging to the walls. 

If he had the strength, Cassian would have crossed over to them, would have sunk to his knees beside them would have pulled both Eura and Jyn into his arms… but he was too tired to take another step, let alone fall to his knees, and then get up again.

“Jyn…”

They’re both frozen for a moment, and then Eura looks between them. It’s a long few seconds, and then Jyn is standing up, not looking away.

“... You better be here in the morning, Jyn Erso!” Eura says, and her voice sounds far too harsh as she turns and walks away, straight into her room, and slamming the door shut behind her. It’s a startling noise, and both of them jump, but then it’s just Cassian and Jyn, staring at one another in the doorway to what should be their room, and nothing to say.

No. Everything to say. Cassian has everything to say to Jyn, and he won’t let her leave until he says his piece.

 

* * *

 

It’s absolute silence for a few moments, and then, Cassian makes a decision. No more fluttering around the subject, no more avoidance. He has to say it, and has to say it plainly. He needs Jyn to know that he loves her, loves her more than he loves his next breath, because if she leaves this room, he can’t chase after her again, quite literally - and he’s not entirely sure that she’ll come back to him.

“Jyn, I-” He’s taking a few steps towards her, and then he’s stumbling, falling forward, only for Jyn to catch him. Without even asking, she has his arm around her shoulders, and she’s pulling him into the room into their room, and helping him to one of the chairs. He sinks into it, wishes it had maybe been the bed, because now that he’s sitting, Cassian isn’t sure he can stand up again.

“What did you do to yourself…” she’s murmuring, and he can see the concern on her face.

“I had to find you,” he says weakly, and Jyn is pulling away, shaking her head, turning to take a few steps from him, and he can’t stand it. “Don’t make me chase you again, Jyn. I’m pretty sure I can’t even stand right now, but I’ll crawl after you if I have to.”

Jyn freezes, unable to turn around, and sucks in a breath. She heard what he just said, knows that Eura just comm’d her for an emergency, but she can’t… she can’t take this anymore. She can’t keep wondering, can’t keep waiting for that moment alone… except they’re alone now, and she can’t even bring herself to face him.

“Fine,” she says, turning, and her arms cross under her breasts as she looks at him, a few steps away. “I’m right here, Cassian. I’ve been here. You said you were looking for me, so what is it?”

She’s trying to keep it together, trying not to cry, but as she looks at him, she can see the pain, and it’s from more than his back. He looks heartbroken, like he’s scared to speak, like he’s scared of what she might say. The feeling is one that she understands far too well.

“Why did you leave?” he asks, and Jyn… she can’t answer him, because if she tells him the truth, he’ll know how broken she is, how she almost ran with Eura, how she’s no good for the child, no good for Cassian.

“Cass…” Her voice is soft, and she shakes her head a little, unable to finish the words.

Cassian is not above begging. Not anymore. Not when he needs to hold her more than he needs for his back to stop aching, but he knows, quite literally, that he’s unable to stand from the chair. “Please, come here, Jyn.”

Her eyes flick up to meet his, and he reaches out his hand, reaches out towards her, but she doesn’t take it, just stares at him, tears filling her eyes. He wants to hold her, to caress her cheeks, to kiss away the tears, but she won’t come to him, and he literally can’t get up and go to her.

“I… this is your life, Cassian, and she’s your daughter. You should have time with her, without be in it, and I know that I’ve been interrupting your time with her-”

“Stop,” he says, but she keeps going.

“I love her so much, and I know she isn’t mine, but I just… I have to leave, Cassian. I can’t just share her and pretend like everything is alright, like I don’t love her like she’s mine. She’s your daughter, and I can’t just… I can’t just steal your life. I almost ran with her, Cass. When I heard you were alive, I realized you might separate us, and Force, I… I wouldn’t, I won’t, but I have to step away, because she’s your daughter, not mine.”

His heart shatters, but for every reason that he never expected. He loves Jyn, loves that she loves Eura, loves that Eura loves her, but it never occured to her that that love, that the love of a parent for a child, that it might scare Jyn. Of course it would. It had scared Cassian as well, how strongly he felt for Eura, how much his need to protect her superseded everything else.

She was scared, scared of being a parent, and scared of what might happen if she lost Eura. She was pushing them away to protect herself when she didn’t have to. He realized that now, could see it plainly.

“Jyn, come here,” he says again, and Jyn considers it, considers stepping closer, but she can’t move, because if she moves, if she breathes, she might just fall apart all over again. Her head shakes a little, and then she sees Cassian struggling to stand, gripping the table and the chair, and that forces her to move, to come to him, to try and get him to stop.

“You’ll hurt yourself,” she insists, but he’s now halfway up, and his teeth are grinding at this point, and then he’s standing, standing in front of her, and she has to look up at him.

“She’s not just my daughter,” Cassian says, and Jyn licks her lips, not even sure where he’s going with this. “She’s your daughter as well. She asked me, every day, if you were her Mama yet, and I had to tell her over and over again  _ not yet _ , but that you would be. She’s your daughter too, Jyn.”

There are tears on Jyn’s face as those words hit her, and she doesn’t know what to say, because she loves Eura, loves Cassian, but she can’t be a parent. She doesn’t know how to do this, doesn’t even know how to have a positive relationship.

“You’re scared, and I get that, but Jyn - Eura loves you. You’re a part of her life, part of my life, and I want…”

Cassian had to say it. He knew he had to say it, couldn’t just think it or feel it or kiss Jyn’s tears away. He had to say it, out loud, so that there could be no doubt. 

His fingers were gripping to the back of the chair and the table, and he summoned the last of his strength to stay upright. He had to get through this before he collapsed, had to be able to reach for Jyn if she pulled away, because he couldn’t face it anymore, this distance between them. They loved one another. Nothing should separate them, not anymore.

“Jyn, I want you to share a life with us. I want you to be Eura’s Mama, and I want - I want you to be part of it, for as long as you’ll have us. For the rest of our lives, if you’re willing.”

She’s crying as she looks up at him and he wants to brush away her tears, but if he lets go of what he’s holding onto, he might fall. “I want you to share this room, share this Rebellion, and when it’s all over, I want you to spend the peace with us. Force, don’t you know how I feel about you?”

Jyn nods, because she knows how he feels, because hearing those words… she’ll spend the rest of her life with them, if they’ll have her, in a heartbeat. She knows that he loves her, and she loves him back.

“I love you,” she gasps, and he smiles at her, smiles so brightly that his face is split in two, and she reaches up to brush the hair from his face, cradles his cheeks in hers, and Cassian, he moves closer to wrap his arms around her- and promptly crumbles into her arms.

It takes all of Jyn’s strength to keep them upright, and the pair of them stumble to the bed until they eventually crash into it. Cassian hits the mattress hard, and then Jyn is half on top of him, her feet still on the ground and her torso over his, and then they’re both laughing, laughing so hard that it hurts.

It takes a few minutes to catch their breath, and then Cassian is looking at her like he knows her, knows everything about her, and she smiles back, smiles because she loves him… because he wants her to be part of this.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, and she nods.

It takes two seconds for Cassian to close the space between them, and then his lips are on hers. Jyn can’t even respond for a moment, because she’s melting into him, and then she can feel his fingers in her hair, on her face, and they’re both shifting, their lips locked, until their bodies are laying side by side.

They’re both wearing all of their clothes, boots included, but it doesn’t matter, not when they finally get comfortable, and Cassian parts his lips.

Kissing Cassian is like coming home, like she’s no longer drowning, and when he teases her tongue with his, Jyn lets out a moan, because she has needed this for months, needed him since the moment she met him, and she can’t believe they’re kissing, finally kissing.

His hands move from her hair to her neck, down the front of her shirt where it opens slightly, and her hands to the same, sliding until they find the cord, find where the crystal is, and when they finally pull away for air, his hand grabs hers, and he presses his lips to her knuckles, much as Jyn had once done for him.

“I love you, Jyn,” Cassian murmurs, and her smile is so beautiful, it hurts. He loves her more than life itself, and now that they’re laying here in bed together, he never wants to move.

“The rest of our lives?” she asks, and he chuckles, nodding a little as their noses brush. Her lips press to his softly, and he lets out a sigh as they slowly explore each other’s mouths.

He could spend all night kissing her, but eventually, the pain in his back becomes too much, and then he has to pull away with a groan. It suddenly seems to hit Jyn as to the fact that he’s in pain, because then she’s climbing off of him and going to the fresher.

“They gave me pain meds for your back,” she says, and he wants to call to her, wants her to return to bed, to  _ their _ bed, but he does want the medicine. She comes back with two pills and a cup of water, and he swallows it all down as best he can before settling back into the bed.

“Here, let me help you with your boots,” she says, and he tries to help but gives up after a few seconds. Jyn is good at unlacing his boots, pulling off his socks, and then she helps him to sit off so he can pull off his jacket and loosen his belt.

“Not what I had in mind when I imagined us undressing each other,” he says, and Jyn’s cheeks color a little.

“We’ll talk about it when you can go a whole day without your cane or any pain medicine.”

He’ll hold her to that, but for right now, he just wants to hold her.

“Come to bed, Jyn,” he says, and her blush is beautiful on her skin, spreading onto her neck and the bit of chest he can see.

She takes off her vest, her belt, pulls her shirt over her head so she’s left in just a tank and her normal pants, and then she seems to realize she has nothing here.

For tonight, at least, she’ll have to sleep in her clothes, but in the morning, they’ll go get her things.

“I want you to move back in,” he murmurs when she climbs into the bed, and she nods a little, turning off the lights and coming back to him. They’re able to both slide under the blankets, and then Cassian is pulling her to him, until her heads is on his chest.

Jyn lets out a sigh of relief as she settles there, happy to be tucked against him. It’s just as she imagined, to be held in his arms, and she wishes they were wearing less clothes and he hadn’t just take pain meds that would knock him out soon, but at least he’s here, and Force, he  _ loves _ her.

“I dreamed of this,” she whispers, and she can feel his smile against her hair.

“I did as well. I’m glad we’re finally here together.”

Jyn just smiles, her fingers finding the crystal in the darkness, and then Cassian’s fingers curl around hers, holding her hand tight. She falls asleep like that, wrapped up with Cassian Andor, sleeping in  _ their bed _ , their life together finally beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THERE WE HAVE IT!
> 
> There's 1 CONFIRMED Epilogue, and then three others planned, but those won't come for a while slash until I feel up to it. I have a bunch more fics planned, though, so look for more RC! No idea when the Epilogue will be posted, but I actually hope to have it done before the end of this week.
> 
> If you want to come chat, see my updates, or just read random ficlets, you can find me on [tumblr](http://melanoradrood.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for joining me on this journey, and comments are love!


	11. Epilogue #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue #1 : The Morning After

Waking up in bed with Cassian is everything Jyn ever dreamed it could be. They had had to shift throughout the night, because her arm still ached, because his back was aching, but each time they had to move, they moved together, her body curling around his, his body curling around hers.

At some point in the night, they had both gotten too hot, and Jyn had kicked off her pants, and helped Cassian to tug his down. His shirt was also lost somewhere in the night, and that, Jyn had quite literally tugged off of him, but now, in the very early morning, their bodies were wrapped up together, his arm tight around her middle, her back pressed to his chest, and his breath hot on her neck.

Jyn had never actually slept with anyone before, but she had thought about it, never imagining another person until Cassian, but it was pleasant. She had always thought she would be scared to turn her back on someone, to be so exposed, without a weapon nearby, but she trusted him, trusted him completely, and there was something intimate about being so vulnerable with him.

She also had a blaster and two vibros within reach, so if anyone did happen to storm through the doorway, she would be able to respond before the door was even fully open.

It’s still new, though, and she can feel him pressing into her backside, and he’s half awake and so is she, and  _ that _ is new as well, because being half out of it is dangerous… but she’s not rushing herself, not rushing to move from this position.

It feels good, to have his hand spread over her stomach, and she sets her hand over top, feeling their fingers interlink. She wants to press back more into him, but she had meant what she said the night before - when Cassian could move around base without his cane and no painkillers, they could make that next step. For right now, it feels good to just be held by him.

“When do you have to get up?” he murmurs against her skin, and she groans a little, because she doesn’t want to think about work. The datapad in front of her is blinking, and she pulls away from him, feels his hand slip from her skin, as she goes to check the messages on it.

A smile slides over her lips, and she drops the datapad onto the unused side of the bed, because of course, they were curled up together in one tiny space. “It looks like I get two extra hours of sleep. The Major has offered to stay in Command so that I can enjoy some beauty sleep.”

Cassian snorts against her back as Jyn slides back against him, and she lets out a tiny sigh of relief as their bodies slot together, fitting in place perfectly. Cassian seems to pause for a moment against her, and then his arm is going around her middle fully, pulling her body tight against his. A tiny gasp escapes her lips, but it’s because something about this, something about being held tight - 

She isn’t touch starved, not anymore, not because of Eura and even the General and Shara and everyone else on this base. They’re all a touchy group, grabbing hands, patting each other on the back, pulling each other in close just because, and she thinks it’s because death is always on their doorstep, because affection and love for your friends is good and kind and decent and everything the Empire is not, so Jyn is used to touching.

But this is different. Cassian isn’t just touching her, he’s holding her, clinging to her, like she’s everything strong that he can hold onto, like if he lets go of her, he’s scared she might run away, and Jyn gets that, knows that, understands it. Her arm goes overtop of his, and she holds on tight to him, because every second she’s scared this might end, that he might have really died, that she’s losing her mind, and if she is - she doesn’t want to wake from this dream. She just wants to stay with him, live with him, happily.

“General Draven said I can start taking a few hours at a time.” Cassian wasn’t supposed to remain seated for too long, but also wasn’t supposed to stay standing, either. There was a whole sheet on his datapad about how many steps to take in an hour, when to sit down, when to come to physical therapy, and staying in Command for more than a few hours would be hard work on his back. “Would you mind if I tagged along to see you work?”

Jyn laughed a little, because it was boring work, and she suspected Cassian knew that, particularly on such a small base, but she wouldn’t say no to his company.

“Mmm, Eura is normally working on something with Shara while I’m in Command, or she joins me and keeps me company. I’m sure Eura wouldn’t mind taking the day off to spend it with you.”

Cassian harumphs a little, and it makes Jyn laugh even more, because his words are muffled into her skin, and she loves that, loves that his words are there against her. “She told me that mechanics can’t take a day off, or else the pilots get bored and start breaking things. Turning my little girl into a mechanic… better than a pilot, of course, but now she’s bossing everyone around, waving a wrench at anyone that tries to touch her projects.”

Jyn laughs even harder, now, and pulls away from Cassian so that she can roll over, can look at him. His eyes are only slightly open, and she wants to kiss him again, but she won’t, because if she starts, she might not stop.

“I taught her how to use that wrnch like a weapon,” she whispers, and she knows he knows, but she is still expecting him to be mad about it. 

Instead of fussing at her, though, Cassian runs a finger over her brow, like he’s trying to soothe a wrinkle. “I know. Her blaster as well. I… I should have taught her, but I don’t want her to be raised like us. I want her to still be a little girl.”

Jyn smiles and presses her hand to his chest, to where the crystal is, and she knows what he means, what he’s trying to say. “She’s still a little girl, Cassian. She’s just also your daughter, which means she wants to help, wants to be useful, and she’s good at what she does.”

“ _ Our _ daughter,” Cassian says, and Jyn… she sucks in a breath, because Eura isn’t really hers, and she doesn’t deserve to have such a joy as her child, but if Cassian wants her to be Eura’s Mama… Jyn isn’t stupid enough to say no.

“Our daughter,” Jyn whispers back.

There’s a long silence between them, and Jyn realizes, as Cassian’s hand moves to her cheek to brush away tears, that she’s crying. She loves him, loves their daughter, and they’re still figuring this out, but they have a family, have a home.

“I don’t know how to be a parent,” she says suddenly, and Cassian actually laughs, which causes him to suck in a breath, and then has him let out a groan. He must be feeling terrible, still, but the sonic might help him feel a little better, and there was information in the datapad they sent to Jyn from medical about helping to work out the knots with her hands… 

“Jyn, you’ve been a parent for months. There is no guidebook to this. You just… figure it out along the way.”

Jyn rolls her eyes, because that’s easy for Cassian to say… she suspects he was falling apart constantly, when he first became a parent. “And what if I screw up? What if I do something wrong.”

“Then we figure it out,” he promises, and he grabs her hand on his chest, pulling her fingers up to press his lips to her knuckles. 

She nods a little, and then his hand goes back to the crystal, goes to pull it off - but she stops him, sets her hand over it, presses it back to his chest. “No, it’s yours.”

“It’s  _ yours _ ,” he insists, and he pulls it off anyways, hands it to Jyn. 

“It was my Mama’s,” she said, and she raises the crystal between them so they can both look at it. “She took it from my Papa’s desk, in Coruscant, when we escaped to Lah’mu.”

She had never told Cassian about her parents, nothing beyond what was needed to know about her father and his plans, but this… this feels right, and good. 

“Eura said she used to braid your hair…”

Jyn nodded, and she closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about her Mama, so peaceful and gentle, who taught her numerous languages and things about rocks and soils and things about the Force… Her Mama loved the Force, believed in it in a way that Jyn never could. She was too much like her father in that aspect.

“It’s why Eura asked me to braid hers. It’s a tradition, that a mother braid’s her daughters hair until she’s of age, and then she wears it in buns.”

The day that Saw came from her, Jyn’s hair had been in braids, and when they had finally all come out, Jyn had pulled her hair back into two small buns. She had grown up that day, and she… she dreaded the day that Eura would feel the same.

“Then you should keep doing it,” Cassian whispered, and Jyn opened her eyes to smile at him. She hadn’t braided Eura’s hair in a few weeks, not since she had tried to step out of their lives… but she would resume it again.

“I think we should give the crystal to Eura,” she says suddenly, and Cassian blinks in response, then smiles slightly. “A gift from my Mama to her. I think my mother would want Eura to have it.”

Cassian nodded a little, and his hand wrapped around Jyn’s, around the crystal, so that nothing was between them, just the pair of them smiling lovingly at each other.

“A gift passed from mother to daughter. You should give it to her when you marry me.”

Jyn blinks at Cassian, and she can’t even think, can’t even process his words. He wasn’t asking her to marry him, he was saying it, but not in a way that spoke of him just expecting it, like she didn’t have a choice - more like, he knew she would marry him, knew that he would ask her.

“Okay.”

There’s silence for a moment, and then Cassian is grinning at her, and Jyn is grinning back. He didn’t ask, he hadn’t asked, but that was fine with Jyn. He had already told her, the night before, that he wanted a future with her, a life with her… Jyn wouldn’t just be Eura’s Mother without there being some expectation of a future together.

“When?” They’re on a tiny base, and she doesn’t even know what Ceremony they would use, and would she change her name? She wouldn’t mind being Jyn Andor, but she doesn’t want to lose her family name, doesn’t want the Erso name to be forgotten.

“Today, tomorrow, next week - I think Eura might want a dress, and Chirrut would be broken if we didn’t let him preside over it, but all that matters to me is that you are mine, and I am yours.”

She nods a little, licking her lips, and she looks down at their hands, holding one another, so tight, she might not be able to let go.

“There’s a planet my Mama took me to, once, where the custom was that if you said you were married, said you wanted to marry the other person, you were married. Of course, there was no paperwork like with the Rebellion, but it was simply that.”

“I want to marry you,” Cassian whispers, and Jyn smiles again, smiles because she wants to marry him too.

“No rings,” she says, and Cassian raises an eyebrow slightly. “Not unless we can find something that isn’t metal, otherwise, we’ll both shock ourselves regularly, or get it ripped off.”

“We could get tattoos?” he offers, and she knows that a spy should never have permanent ink, but she smiles at the thought. 

“And I’m not changing my name,” she adds on, and Cassian rolls his eyes.

“You will always be Jyn Erso. You don’t need my name to prove it.”

“And I’m not calling you Major!” she adds on, and she’s laughing now as Cassian pulls his hands from hers, wrapping them around her, body, pulling her closer, and he’s laughing as well, laughing as he holds her tight.

“Not even in bed?” he teases, and she laughs more as she settles against him, laying flat on her back in the bed, with his body half over hers.

“Only if you call me  _ ma’am _ ,” she teases, and he grins at her.

They’re looking at one another, now, both of them smiling, both of them happy, and then the words slip past her lips, making it so. “I want to marry you.”

It’s not official, not Alliance Rebellion official, probably not even official in the eyes of their friends, but it’s official enough for them, a declaration between them as to what they were, and Cassian even seals it with a kiss, leaning forward to press his lips to hers.

Jyn kisses him back, sucking in a breath seconds before their lips are sealed, and then she feels his body over hers, and she wants, she wants, she  _ wants _ , but then there’s the sound of a door opening, and Cassian is falling back onto the bed as they both turn their heads to look.

A very sleepy Eura is standing there, rubbing at her eyes, and Cassian and Jyn are both in essentially their underwear, still under the blankets, but underwear all the same. Jyn can feel her face burning as she sits up, and she looks around for something to pull on - she can grab Cassian’s pants, as hers are across the room, but Eura is looking at them strangely, now, like she’s only just realizing they are in bed together.

“Are you two fighting?” she asks, and Cassian laughs a little, groaning then as he tries to sit up.

“No fighting,” Jyn promises, and the crystal is still in her hand, burning, and she wants to place it around Eura’s neck, wants to call Eura her daughter, to confirm this family is whole and together.

“So you’re staying?” she asks, and Jyn nods, looking over her shoulder at Cassian, who has managed to sit up in the bed, and wrap his arm around Jyn’s middle.

“She’s staying,” Cassian confirms

Eura lets out a sigh of relief, and turns to go back into her room. “Good. You two were  _ exhausting _ . I’m going to get dressed, so finish whatever you’re doing, and then we can go get breakfast. I have a T-65 I need to get into the air by tomorrow.”

The door shuts behind her, and Cassian laughs again, pressing his face into Jyn’s shoulder. “I think we were just told off by our 6 year old,” he mutters against Jyn’s skin, and she turns her head to look at him.

“Go get in the fresher. You’ll feel better. I have to go get my things.”

“And bring them back?” he questions.

She nods a little, smiling. “Yes, so you better make room for me.”

His fingers run into her hair, brushing it back from her face, and Jyn beams at him as he presses their foreheads together. “Always. My life is yours, Jyn Erso. My home, my family, my rebellion… all of it is yours to share, my wife.”

Jyn is smiling back at him when there’s a sudden noise, the sound of whirling, and then Kay’s voice, a voice of indignation, and Jyn has never heard him sound so upset.

“Your  _ what? _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been so damn disgusted with fluff in my life.  
>  _*throws up everywhere*_  
>  This is my apology letter to all of you for how painful it got.
> 
> Idk when Epilogues 2-4 will be posted. Sometime in the future. I'm not rushing it.  
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://melanoradrood.tumblr.com).
> 
> AGAIN this is not the final epilogue, but since this is the "official" epilogue, and I'm not writing a sequel, just three ficlets from their lives AFTER all of this pain, I'll go ahead and write my spiel here. First of all, a huge thank you to Chris (gloriouswhisperstyphoon) for being my enabler, my beta-writer, my medical fact checker, and my general rant space. Couldn't have done this without you. Also a huge thank you to the RC Discord Chat that dealt with me bitching about my writing pretty much nonstop. And finally, a thanks to everyone that read this with me.
> 
> I read every comment, and cried about most of them. I tried to reply to everyone, and I hope I did so! Seriously, this is my little trash baby mixed with my post-scarif headcanon mixed with my need for medical accuracy. I'll probably never write another immediate post-scarif fic unless I do so to make it a launching platform for a number of other fics that are standalone. I primarily have a lot of ideas for various AUs. I'm not good at mission fics, so I'll leave those to the Pros.
> 
> You may see me a little inactive on AO3 in the next few weeks ( or this may be a total lie ) because I plan on fleshing out some of my various ideas. I have a bunch of different fics in the works, so my gameplan is to write a first chapter to a bunch of them, and then decide what to work on next. I won't start posting anything until I have a clear path.
> 
> I also do accept prompts on my tumblr page, and I have a bunch of OTPs that you can send stuff in for! In general, you can check my tumblr for updates, ramblings, ficlets, all sorts of stuff.
> 
> And now that I've rambled enough - thanks for all the love, you guys! I'm glad y'all enjoyed.  
> XOXO WINE MOM


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